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AA

2. THE TRUTH by MIRLOTTA

Hi Mirlotta

I really like this story so far! The description about the the setting is really good. In particular I like the part when you say ' ... my knuckles white as I dig my nails into my palms with frustration...'. I would love it, though, of you could describe the characters a bit more as I can't really get a picture of them in my mind.

 

I think your blurb could be a bit more intreiguing 'cause it is nowhere near as good as your story is and it might put people off. So if you could make that more interesting please.

 

Although most of your punctuation is perfect you had a few times when it was slightly wrong: Parents doesn't have a apostrophe and you did the same mistake somewhere else as well so, watch your apostrophe! You also had a sentence where you put '... could being it ...' it didn't really make sence so I think you ment: '... could benefit ...'. Apart from that everything was great!

 

RATING OUT OF TEN: 8

 

Over all your story so far is awesome!!!!

Beanie :)

 

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