4. Bright Eyes by River_Summers
Your story idea is great! It's so different from any book I've ever read. I also love the characters names, I think it makes a book interesting when the characters are inventive ( personality, names ) and you managed that really well.
I think you should use a wider variety of punctuation, although you used brackets and a couple of dashes you could maybe use colons and semi-colons. You could also be more adventureous with the way you open your sentences as you use 'I' alot. Never the less the way you write speech is exclent! It doesn't sound wooden how loads of people write it and it has incorrect grammer as well which is offen hard to do. You really put some character into it.
When you say ' ... I shook the empty bag under my bemused comrades nose, 'over your wings!' you use a full stop after 'nose' when it should have been a comma as the speech before it was interupted speech and the capital 'o' for over shouldn't have been capital either. Apart from that the punctuation was pretty much perfect!
he description of the characters was great, though, if you could do a bit more on the setting that would make it even better as I couldn't quite picture how London looked.
Rating out of ten: 8.5
I really like you book and hope other people like it as much as me!