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3. Alone by E.H. Weaver Nightshade

Hi E. H. Weaver Nightshade

I love your prologue! It captured me straight away and I needed to read more. How you left it on a massive cliffhanger was really affective- who had been forced into the car, who was forcing them in?

 

I think your description is amazing' ... Distinct smell of coffee lingered in the air.' . You make it so you can smell the coffee( and it sounds great) . As well Tina was described excellently, straight away I could see what she looked like and what her personality was.

 

Although you missed a few commas, the variety of punctuation you used made each and every sentence be said in a different way. As well the sentence structure was varied so it flowed really well! Unfortunately, you missed a couple of words out- particularly in chapters 3 and 5- however this didn't affect your story that much. 

 

Frequently you switched tenses so you'll have to watch that, but everything else was done really well! I loved your alliteration and the bit that stood out to me was 'flaming foghorn'. The two words sound great together, they were a good choice!

 

Rating out of ten: 9

I love the idea for your story and can't wait for the next up date.

Beanie :) 

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