Such a coincidence , just a few days ago I met a girl with exactly the same name as yours.
If you want me to be Chris I can go by Chris. Well since you started off talking about your first crush, I might as well mention mine. Her name was Laura , when we met I was only 16 but I thought it was love straight away. We jumped into relationships, and fortunately we lasted for over a year, I thought she was sweet, caring, romantic, everything I was looking for in a girl. That is until I found out she was seeing one of my ex-mates. Anyways we broke up, after her I didn't have any serious relationships with any girl.
What you told me about your feelings, I used to feel darkness too. It feels as if someone is constantly pulling you down, as if as soon as you get happy someone has to make you upset. Thank God, I had people around me through that period of time. Right now I am constantly happy. The emptiness you mentioned though, I am not familiar with that as much. I always have to feel something, no matter if its good or bad.
Your parents divorce seems like it had a big impact on your life. But you have to realise that you still have your dad, even if he is not sharing the same roof with you anymore.
As you shared some secret stuff of yours with me, I might as well do so too. I was bullied a lot throughout my life.It affected me a lot. So much that if you look at me now, and me 5 years ago you wouldn't realise we are the same person. I started working out all the time, to prove people I am the opposite of what they called me. Ever since they saw who I became, thanks to them, no one dared to even look at me in a bad way.
You mentioned about understanding your feelings. I might not be able to understand them fully, but I am sure as hell ready to try. And about your scars, one day you're going to meet someone who is not going to care how many scars you have, where do you have them and for what reason.
I am sure you're a beautiful girl, with the scars or without them.
I put the letter carefully into the envelope and seal it.
"Max." I yell and he walks into my room a minute later half naked stuffing his face with some junk again. "Are you going to town later on?" I ask him and he nods his head. "I am picking Paulie up for her lunch. What you need?" He says and I put the letter up in the air. "Care to drop it in the post?"