Mom sat up in bed and Bobby sat down on one of the chairs. I understood that they wanted to talk seriously with me. I swallowed and sat down beside my mom's feet.
"Okay, it's only right that you tell me like it is." I whispered. Mom smiled weakly and took Bobby's hand in hers.
"Hope, you have already understood that it's not al right with me?"
I nodded. Something told me that I expected the worst. Mom swallowed and she was scared.
"I have written a will and you are the one who will inherit everything, just in case I die."
"In case you die?"
She nodded weakly.
"Those who have examined me gives me anywhere from one year to ten years. I haven't got any answers to all the questions and I wanted to be sure that you are safe."
I wanted to cry, but for once I felt I had a responsibility. I nodded slightly and looked down at my hands.
"And you want me still living with Bobby?"
"He's the only one I trust and I know you like him."
I felt the tears coming and I lost control.
"So again, I will go to a funeral?"
Mom shook her head quickly.
"We don't know yet what my chances are, but I want you to know that I wont leave you in the lurch."
I saw that she wanted my best. I wiped away the tears and swallowed.
"So you can die, like daddy did?"
She nodded again.
"Yes, and now I'm honest."
I understood that I had to grow up. I had lost the virgin and almost my mom on the same day. I knew that the truth would catch up with me and I had no choice.
"And in the meantime?"
Mom smiled and looked at Bobby.
"Meanwhile, we will fight."
I felt regret for my dad, I felt regret for my sick mom. Somewhere in the middle was Niall.
"Okay?" I mumbled. "I'll stay with Bobby, if you die? I will inherit everything you own and have?"
"And I want you to manage studies and you don't do suicide!"
I couldn't promise her anything about that, but I knew she wanted to feel harmony in case she died.
I sat in bed and I just cried. I saw a room that had once been my safety and now all the walls were just empty shells. I didn't have much left to live for and I suffered that I might lose my mom. I cried so much that my whole shirt was wet and I cried over all the tears that I couldn't manage to drop out of me. I just wanted to be alone and I was shaking. Slowly I realized how Niall felt. I had hardly anyone left who cared. I had something like a dad, I had Greg and I had Niall, but they weren't related to me.
Bobby came into my room and he sat next to me in bed. He took my hand and he looked at me with fatherly eyes.
"I don't want you to thinking about suicide or anything like that. I want you to feel comfortable here and I promise to take care of you."
I sobbed and nodded. I knew he wanted my best and he was still the only father I had.
"It's just so hard."
"It hurts, and you will scream. You will want to kill me and you will want to die, but you will manage it all. Are you a winner."
I sobbed and met his gaze.
"I love mom and I loved my dad. Everybody I love dies?"
Bobby shook his head and smiled weakly.
"You can't help that their lives are short. You can learn to love us, who loves you?"
He wanted to come up with clever words, but they didn't catch my interest. I looked towards the window and I saw the moon in the sky.
"One day, I'm an adult,,," I whispered. "If I have children of my own, I wont leave them. I will live to see them grow up. Dad died and my mom's dying."
"Come on, you live and your mom doesn't want you to die."
I looked at him and I saw that he wanted me to say I don't going to die. He wanted me to tell him that I could change. I was in froze a place. I just felt a chill through my body and I knew that death was only a resting place.
"Promise not to die, Hope!"
I swallowed and I answered. I gave him the answer he wanted to hear.
Bobby smiled and let go of my hand,
"You have many years left and you will live a long life."
What he didn't tell me was what I felt in my stomach. My life was no longer fun and I knew it could only get worse.
I opened the window and saw the ladder land against the wall. Niall stood below and he was waiting for me. I jumped out of the window and closed it just so much that I could open it again. I quickly went down and kissed Niall hard.
"Missing you!" he hissed, and I giggled.
"You can miss me sometimes." I whispered. "But now I just want to forget everything and let me escape from this world."
He took my hand and dragged me with him. I knew what was waiting for us and I knew I could finally let go of everything.
Harry held out the smokes. I knew it was more than tobacco in it and I knew it was illegal. I took it between my fingers and I let my lungs inhaling the smoke. I puffed out a cloud that smelled sweet and I smiled at him.
Harry grinned and sat near me.
Niall was already knocked out on the floor and he was snoring loudly. I sighed and the whole world was spinning around. I wasn't aware of anything. I felt just how Harry let his hand slide down between my legs and he groaned aloud.
"Let me fuck you!"
I looked at him. I really looked at him and I tried to coming up with an excuse. Still no word came up and I smiled weakly. I tore off my pants and lay down on the couch. I spread my legs and he was fast. He lay down on top of me and quickly penetrate. I felt how he breathed against my ear and I felt his movements against my body. I took again a puff from the smokes. I didn't care about what Harry was doing. I was still dead and I couldn't affect anything.
"Damn, you're so fucking tight!"
I looked up at his red face.
Harry groaned and he bounced hard against me. I felt when he came and he didn't care if he filled me with his cum. As soon as he had went away popped Louis up.
"I want to take the opportunity when Niall doesn't see us." he groaned. I saw that he pulled down his pants and he replaced Harry's place on top of me. Louis was quieter and he lay flat on me. I felt how he filled me with his cock and I felt how he moved over me.
"Is it nice?"
He grinned and kissed me. I felt his whole body buckled and he slid easily inside me. His member did smacking sound inside me and I realized I was filled. Louis filled me with his cum and he moaned against my cheek.
"Damn!" he whimpered. I took another puff on smokes and then looked at him.
Louis nodded and sat up. He smiled at me and he was sweaty all over your body.
"Damn you are totally wonderful."
I didn't care. I didn't care what happened to my body. I was still lost and I was still a misfit idiot in a stupid society.