1. april 14 04
I'm Stacy I go to Flanagan highschool. Ive come to believe that love isnt real its a myth parents make so you can care for people. its not real all my life no ones cared no ones wanted to be there for me im always kicked out bullied yelled at laught at but im done. i cant be who i want to be because its not who people think i should be i cant be that girl who runs and hides at the first sign of trouble and i cant be that girl everyone wants me to be.i cant keep trying i cant find a way to vent because everyone is so nosey. i try to be perfect for my dad i try to be perfect for my mom but nothing i do is good enough and its getting harder and harder to breath. its like life is a huge pool and everyone is trying to push your head under water. i cant live like this constant fear that one mess up can drown me and end my miserable life its to hard to be perfect its to hard to swim for so long you limbs can only take you as far as your head will stay above water. and i think im about to drown i cant keep my head up my limbs are weakening and one more shove can send me under you know what i mean? this is the part in life where perfection is the key to acceptance and let me tell you i lost my key a while ago. i cant find it and its getting worse and worse outside the gates of perfection. i cant find a way where i wasnt a mistake. i cant keep thinking im wanted when im obviously not and my dad doesnt make it any easier its like him my mom his girlfriend my brothers "friends" are all trying to kill me and burn my ashes.