I stared ahead as I drove, taking in all the things around us. We crossed over a small bridge that leaned over the dark, murky water of a river not to far below us. We were surrounded by so many trees, I swear, I never wanted to see anymore trees after this trip. I drove down the path, humming to myself and then sighed. It seemed the trees were finally coming to an end. I could see the cabin coming into view just a distance away. It was an old rickety thing, falling apart with vines and trees and moss growing all over it. The windows were darkened and it didnt look like anyone had been here in years.
In all honesty; it was creepy.
"I dont fucking see why we're here. We both know he wont show.." The beautiful blonde boy beside me grumbled.
I gave a small encouraging smile, making him roll his eyes. "Harry will come, Niall. He promised. I know he acted like an ass a while ago but-"
"An ass?! HE CHEATED ON ME!" Niall yelled as he shoved his door open and scrambled out of the car. "I dont want to be here, Zayn! Why am I here? Why are we here?!"
I turned off the car next to the black porche beside us. Flashy.. I sowly climbed out of my own car, watching as Niall paced in a small circle. I could see Liam watching us from the porch, a brown haired girl at his side. I walked closer to Niall, stepping into his path. "Hey, look at me, lad. This is for your own good."
"No it isnt! All this is going to do is torture me! I could have done this at home! I cant do it with Harry here." Niall's eyes filled with tears and I swear, my heart nearly ripped in two. "I cant see him, Zayn.. It will hurt to much."
I walked closer to Niall, taking him into my arms as a sob ripped from his chest. If only he knew how much it hurt me to see him this way. I didnt want to see him hurting, but I couldnt bare to hear the news again. I wouldnt be able to take it if Niall overdosed again. He cried softly into my shoulder and I shushed him. There was so many things this boy didnt know. Like how much I cared about him. Two years now. I had watched him be with Harry. He thought he loved Harry, but all Harry had done was hurt him. And I had been there all along, waiting, picking up the pieces. But even after I glued him back together, he still didnt notice me.
I loved Niall Horan.
And he didnt know.
"Zayn, please... please take me home. I cant see him." Niall begged, and I nearly crumbled right there.
"You're strong, Ni, you can do it. We all know you can.. Please." I whispered back as I pulled back to look at him. He sighed and stared down at his feet, making my heart fall slightly. He looked so sad..
"Whatever.. Im going to the back." Niall muttered as he turned on his heel to walk toward the back of the home. I saw him disappear around the corner and gave another sigh.
I shook my head and felt my shoulders fall as I walked toward Liam. I could hear a car in the distance. Harry would be here soon. I mounted the steps to the cabin and stopped in front of Liam. As soon as I met his eyes, I gave a smile. I hadnt seen this boy in nearly a month now. He threw his arms around me, giving my back a pat. I returned the warm hug, chuckling.
"Nice to see ya, boy." I told Liam.
He gave a nod and then gestured to the brunette beside him. "This is my girlfriend, Rena. Rena, this is Zayn."
"Nice to meet you," I said, offering my hand. She took it quietly, nodding as she gave my hand a shake.
"And you as well, Zayn." She said quietly, in a thick accent. Not as thick as mine, but still pretty thick.
"Where's that accent from, love?"
"The same place as mine, love." Liam said in a joking tone, but I caught his small warning. I nodded with a chuckle. "Wolverhampton."
There was a loud honking and the three of us turned to see a blue car pulling up. It came to a stop and Harrys stuck his body out of the passenger side. Still no license. He always good for that. He waved at us from out of the passenger side before jumping out the window, not even bothering to use to the door. I raised my eyebrows at him as he did so. He was dressed in black skinny jeans that were so tight, I wondered how he was actually climbing out the freaking window. He wore a long sleeved button up blue and black plaid shirt. He had sunglasses on, his he quickly pulled off and tucked in the front of his shirt.
Harry looked a lot different from the last time I saw him. Obviously, he was taller; we all were. He was more muscular and tanned, his skin smoother than before. His style had ovbiously changed from his baggy clothes to all this tight, bum hugging, show off kind of clothing. His hair was no longer across his forehead, covering hid ears. It wasnt a mop like it used to be. Now it was styled in a way that it was pushed up neatly, but still wild looking. Harry looked extremely sexy if I do say so myself.
Harry stretched for a second before turning to look at us. "Zayn! Liam!" He threw his arms out and practically ran at us. His personality hadnt changed one bit. He lept onto me quickly before grabbing Liam and dragging him closer. "Boys! I missed you two!" I let out a yelp when I lost my foot, sending the three of us tumbling to the wooden porch. The porch soon errupted in loud laughter and Harry's driver joined us on the porch.
"Guys, this is Louis. My boyfriend." Harry said as he fished in his pocket for the key to the cabin. I observed Louis during my wait. He was a dashing man, obviously older than Harry. He had bright blue eyes with light brown hair that was styled in a way that reminded me of grease. I could see where Harry was getting his style influence from. Louis was shorter than Harry, having slightly darker tanned skin than Harry, who looked compared to his boyfriend. Harry finally managed to get the door open and we all walked slowly inside.
The place was a wreck. The floors looked like they hadnt been swept or mopped in a long ass time. The room was falling apart, pictures tilted, things thrown lazily about. There was no light and the room smelt extremely musty, which wouldnt be very good for Niall's allergies. I sighed at the thought of Niall as we moved deeper into the house.
"Someone has been in here.." Harry said quietly. We all glanced at him curiously. "I mean, it was neat when we left two summers ago. Mum made me clean it or else I wouldnt be allowed to see Niall." He explained. He suddenly looked up as if he remembered something. "Where is that boy? Did he come?" His eyes instantly landed on me. Funny how he knew I would have the answer.
I nodded and gestured my hand toward the back of the cabin. "He said he was going to be back there. I dont think he's exactly ready to.. see you yet."
Harry nodded in thought and looked about the cabin. "Well, why dont we all make this place livable since we'll be here a while. And then I can go out and grab Niall and try to patch things up." Harry sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Give him some time to be alone with his thoughts."
Liam nodded in agreement as he started picking things up off the floor. "So, mates, what have you all been up to?" Liam asked aloud.
Harry glanced up and gave a smile. "Why dont you guys start? Im dying to hear what you lads have done without me."
"Zayn? Why dont you start?" Liam offered. He leaned over to place a picture back on the fireplace, making sure it was perfect. His girlfriend watched us quietly, seeming nervous to touch anything. She shared a smile with Liam before wandering to the couch, picking up the pillows from the floor to put them back in their place.
"Sure.. Uhm, well I started dabbling around with animating and I kinda made a job out of it," I grinned at the thought, making the 3D models and all the effort it took but I still loved it. It was amazing to see what you could create in the end. "What about you, Har?"
"I'm in college studying to be a movie director. Maybe we can put our brains together after I finish school, yea?" Harry grinned at me cheekily.
I grinned back. "Sounds like a plan."
"And you? What about Liam?" Harry asked as he finished off the living room. He walked quickly into the kitchen, coming back with a screw driver. He unscrewed the light switch, messing with a few wires. "Lou, will you go check the kitchen for lightbulbs?"
"Of course, love." Louis said in a smooth voice as he walked off into the kitchen.
"Well, I am working as a first year English teacher. I really like it." Liam smiled at his girlfriend as Louis waltzed back in and handed Harry the lightbulb. "Oh, and this is Rena." Liam told Harry.
Harry glanced over and gave her a smile. "Hello, and what about you? Dont wanna leave you out. What do you do, love?" I waited for Liam to make a comment like he did with me, but he didnt. What?
"I am studying to be a movie makeup artist. We have a few classes together, actually." She said with a small smile.
Something changed in Harry's face and he grinned. "Yea, we do! Intro to Classic Filming, and Character Analysis 101!" Harry chimed making Rena smile and nod. "I knew you looked familiar! Did you understand anything Mr. Rosenburg said about the old Frankenstein film, because I didnt."
"No, I think they need to fire him. He had the whole story line wrong as well, not to mention he tried to cross in that new Van Hellsing film into it. He literally has no idea what he is talking about!" Rena and Harry burst into laughter and I saw Liam and Louis smile. They both adored these two alot.
Harry moved to help Louis with the lightbulb and gestured for Louis to turn the light on. Louis walked over to the switch and flicked it, making the light turn on. "IT LIIIIVES!!!" Harry shouted, making us all jump. "Sorry," he chuckled.
I rolled my eyes and moved into the kitchen, cleaning out the sink, crubbing it. The smell of bleach filled my nose and I sighed. I glanced out the small window over the sink to see Harry walking toward Niall, who was laid out on the hood of an old car.
I stalked to the back of the house, shoving my hands in my pockets. Why was this all such a big deal? I didnt want to be here and I didnt want to see Harry. Why could Zayn be his usual push over self and just take me home. I kicked at a rock as I came to the back of the house and looked around. I hated the woods, too many fucking trees. Nature wasnt my scene.. I made my way toward an old car. It looked like it hadnt been used in centuries. It was covered in dirt and the tree behind it had started growing around it, making it seem like part of the tree itself.
I jumped up on the hood and looked around. It was silent except for the distant voices of Zayn, Liam and the girl I had assumed to be Liam's new lass. I couldnt make out what they were saying, but I was sure it was old greeting from the friends who had been apart for nearly a month. It was different than highschool, being in the real world. We had actual lives now. We werent working to impress anyone. We were working to stay alive.
A loud honking nearly sent me flying off the car hood and I squealed like a child. After my heart went back to its regular pace, I leaned back against the hood of the car again and listened quietly. The familiar gravely voice made my heart slow down nearly to a stop and I gulped.
"Zayn! Liam!" There was a moment of silence and the car died down in the front of the house and I listened for the voice that I had pushed from my memory. It was so clear. So painful. "Boys! I missed you two!" There was a thud and then laughter boomed from the other side of the house. Harry's laughter filled my ears, pushing through the walls I had worked so hard to put up. I pulled myself into a tight ball as tears filled my eyes.
I still loved him.
That much hadnt changed. I knew I would never get over Harry, but then again. I figured I'd never see him again. I dont know why I couldnt just move on, he meaned so much. He had always been there and held my heart in his hands carefully. Everyone thought he was terrible to me, but he never was. He was perfect. And now he would be perfect with everyone else. I sniffled a bit, my heart aching at the thought. We had gone through so much together. Harry was my first kiss, my first time, my first boyfriend. My first everything. There was no moving on from that..
I could hear everyone move inside and I sniffled one last time, rolling onto my back. I wiped my eyes, giving a long sigh. The sound of the woods filled my head now, the wind, the occassional bird chirping. It was quite peaceful. My thoughts wandered back to home. Back to my family and my old band. I had been the guitarist and I blame the lead singer for getting me into this mess. He had showed me herione and I didnt realize how bad it would be. And by the time I did realize it, I couldnt live without it.
James.. He had been a daring lad. He acted like he could do anything, like he could take on the world. He acted invinsible. At one time in my life, one that was a blur to me, I would go around with him. He would take me to parties, get me drunk, high, anything that would make me vulnerable. He would fool around with me and then leave me there. And then when I would see him again, he would just make up dumb excuses. I thought he cared about me, that maybe he could fix what Harry broke, but all he did was bruise me more.
The day he threw me out of the band, I realized I had no one. I ended up breaking my guitar and I swore never to use the bloody thing. To never sing again. I moved in with Zayn at that point and he did everything in his path to keep me happy. But he just didnt realize that I was like a zombie at this point. I couldnt feel. He loved me. I knew he did. But I was so broken down, there was nothing I could do. It wouldnt be fair to give him something that wasnt whole. It wasnt fair to be with him when I still loved Harry.
Maybe one day I could love Zayn, but I didnt want to hurt him. I couldnt pretend and be happy. I couldnt hurt him like that. But, I did love Zayn as he loved me. I just wasnt ready, so I pushed him aside and acted as if I didnt see his love for me. He was truly beautiful, in some ways more so than Harry. His long eyelashes, his thick black hair and dark eyes. Everything about him was perfect and dark and sometimes mysterious to me. He was my raven.
The sound of a throat being cleared made me jump and sit up. I froze as I stared into the green eyes I had missed for nearly a year now. My heart thumped painfully in my chest. Harry's lips parted slightly and he looked away for a second to regain himself. His eyes flashed back to me and he licked his lips. "Niall, can I talk to you?"
I stayed put for a second, just taking him in. He had changed so much. And he looked good. His voice had gotten deeper, his cheek bones higher, all the childish roundness was gone. He wasnt a boy anymore. He was a man. I blinked before just merely nodding. I watched as Harry moved toward me, holding my breath. He climbed onto the car beside me and I moved as far as the hood would allow without me falling off. I was afraid to be too close. Harry seemed lost in thought for a long time as he stared at the ground, trying to find the right words. I just watched him, waiting. I didnt dare say anything. I didnt want to cry again.
"Look... I never meant to hurt you. You dont understand." The words were rushed and simple, but they took their tole. I could feel the anger in me rising quickly.
"Never meant to- Harry, you- You cheated on me! You went behind my back and betrayed me! How can you say you never meant to hurt me when you knew exactly what you were fucking doing! You're the one who doesnt fucking understand!" I snapped, letting my jaw lock at the end. My hands clenched into fists and I fought the urge to break things, punch things. I pushed away my violent outbursts.
"It wasnt like that, Niall! You left and didnt let me explain."
"You cheated, what is there to explain! You went behind my back and was with someone else!" I stood up from the hood of the car and folded my hands behind my back as I paced back and forth in front of him. If I didnt get my feet moving to distract me, who knew what I would do. Left, right. Left, right. Left, right. One, two. One, two. One, two.
"Niall, stop." Harry sighed. I continued to focus on my feet, ignoring him. "Niall, stop pacing and look at me." When I turned around to make my next pace, I nearly crashed right into Harry. He had moved so silently. He towered over me now, he had grown so much.. "You need to let me explain."
"I dont want to fucking hear it, Harry." I said as I turned away from him.
"Niall James Horan!" Harry shouted angrily, making me jump. I turned to look at him in surprise. "You shut up right now and sit your ass down! I dont care what you say, I dont care if you hate me. I just want to fucking explain all of this bullshit that's been eating at me for a year! NOW SIT!" By the time he was done yelling, he was panting. I stared at him for a second unsure what to say. I sighed and nodded, turning to sit back down on the hood of the rusted car, staring down at my hands. Harry walked closer to stand in front of me. "Thank you." He said quietly. I just nodded, waiting for him to begin. "You left that night.. I was so confused and I didnt know why. Until Liam told me. You think I cheated on you? I would never do that to you."
"I heard you, Harry. You left that night too."
"But not for good, Niall. I was coming back." He said softly.
"After fucking someone else!" I yelled, and he jumped.
He shook his head, "Niall, you don't understand. I didnt cheat on you."
"Then, please, tell me what really happened because Im really fucking confused, Harry..." I said, feeling tears fill my eyes again. I couldnt take much more of this back and forth bull shit. I just needed answers.