Louis and I went our separate ways after that afternoon. We parted with each other’s’ numbers and I with hopes of getting a call in the near future. I wanted to call him as soon as I got home. But I couldn’t – because that would seem too desperate. I had to make sure that my phone was out of reach at all times, but still in sight so I would know if he called.
I didn’t expect him to call me at all. I thought that he must have just done it to be amicable but wasn’t really interested. I mean, I know we did what we did, but that might’ve been it for him and he didn’t really want it to go any further.
I don’t know. I have no idea what goes on in his mind – though I feel like I know him much better.
Though the TV was on, I saw nothing, and heard nothing but a constant droning in the background of the voices on the television.
I have no idea how long I sat there staring at the phone, but I had begun to fall asleep before I realised that it was dark, late at night and I hadn’t eaten all day. I wasn’t hungry now anyway and I figured that the only way to try and get my mind off him was to go to bed. Not that I would be getting any sleep, I wouldn’t be sitting here staring at my phone – it’s just pathetic.
As I had suspected, I lay awake for several more hours. After tossing and turning, I just gave up and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling and imagining his face there.
It was too quiet and I wanted to stop overthinking the situation. Over-thinking mean that I let myself think that things mean more than they do and I make a fool of myself – every single time. To stop this, and hopefully avoid embarrassing myself, I reached for my iPod and earphones off the bedside table. I inserted the buds into my ears and the turned the volume up high – not loud enough to hurt my ears, but loud enough that I couldn’t hear myself think.
The quiet of my mind was welcoming. Just being able to listen to the music and not think was relaxing. I still laid awake for hours, but I guess it just wasn’t as painful.
I felt dead in the morning. Luckily I didn’t have to be up real early, I didn’t really have to be at work until 9:00 since that’s when my first appointment is. Although I woke early, I could afford to lay in bed for over an hour. It was nice, I don’t usually do it. Usually, I can’t stand being still and have to get up and do something. That’s when I usually end up going to work super early or running for kilometres and kilometres.
I knew I wouldn’t have an appointment with Louis today, or when the next one would come, so the day didn’t hold too much thrilling for me. I was looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, I just needed something special every day to distract me. I think that will be all I can do to avoid making a fool of myself, yet again.
I should really listen to myself more often. I mean, I was practically screaming at myself not to think about Louis or go down that path. And where do I find myself? Dreading work because I had sex with a patient who hasn’t called and who may or may not be into me and I knew it was going to be like this so I have no one else to blame but myself. I could say that next time I’ll know not make the same mistake, but that wouldn’t be true. I may not ever stop making the same mistakes. I just need a way to break the cycle…
As predicted, the day held much of the usual. Vaccinations, colds, sore muscles or bones, headaches and so on.
Something that wasn’t really exciting, just more amusing was the number of patients making appointments because they think they have Ebola. I appreciate the concern, but really? You would know if there was an outbreak of it in your area. It’s on the news every night with regular status updates.
But hey, I had my amusement for the day. Though that wasn’t enough to stop my mind straying to thoughts of Louis all the time. As the second person shared their fears of Ebola, I smiled inside and thought of how I would like to tell Louis.
I don’t even know him, but I wanted to tell him silly little things like that. Why is that?
I just can’t get my head around what it is about him that makes me like this. I mean, everyone has one-off sex or flings but they don’t have thoughts constantly about wanting to spend their life with the person. I hardly know him!
Enough of him. I have one more patient for the day then I’ll go out, get drunk and forget about him. Not that there’s much to forget. All I have is the two appointments to play over and over like a broken record.
I was thankful that my final patient wasn’t a would-be Ebola sufferer. He was a more realistic patient with fears of heart disease or other health problems that come with hitting the big fifty. I’ve seen Mr. Harris a few times but for injuries. Now, he’s turning fifty in two years and wants the full work-up. It isn’t uncommon for this kind of thing, but there aren’t a lot of men that do it either.
I ran the usual tests – cholesterol, fibres and proteins, blood pressure and cell count. After I delivered him the results that I could on the spot, we made another appointment to go through the results from the tests.
Now, I’m done with patients and once I tie up a few loose ends, I’m free to go. I said goodbye to Hannah, wishing her a good weekend and heading down to the bar. When I got there, I thought of calling someone to drink with. I can’t say that I have many friends. No one close anyway. There’s some guys that I met at med school who I still knock around with, but we don’t see each other frequently.
I sat for a while at the counter, staring at the glass in my hand. The bartender, Paul, knew to keep ‘em coming. He would cut me off when he thought I’d had enough. I guess that’s why I come to bars really, because I’m afraid that if I stay at home, I’ll drink too much and there’ll be no one there to stop me. But then again, if there were someone there, I probably wouldn’t have a reason to drink.
“That’s five, Harry,” Paul warned me and I nodded that that would do me for the night. I figured I’d just go home and try to sleep, maybe watch TV for a while.
I sat on my stool for a few minutes longer, waiting for the motivation to peel myself off the bar stool and find a way home to come to me. I live within walking distance of the bar so it was a matter of making it there safely rather than having a means of getting there.
I looked down both sides of the bar, hoping for a reason to stay here. I wasn’t expecting to find one, I never have before.
I pivoted in my seat and right in front of me – low and behold – was Louis. The last person I expected to see here. I turned back in my seat and looked down at the grains in the wooden bar. I freaked out. Do I talk to him? Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me? If I keep my head down he might not see me and I won’t have to worry about it.
Before I could make a decision, Louis came over and took a seat beside me at the bar. “Hi, Doc.”