After school was over there was no use in going home. Getting bullied by the people who should love you most? No, thanks. I'd take a walk down the middle of a freeway to avoid that.
"You're going to be like this your whole life, pal, better get used to it." I state to myself as I walk down the sidewalk. Occasionally, I would pass a few people I didn't know. They'd be polite and smile at me, which I would return, and then we'd go separate ways. Doesn't anybody understand that I may just need that at school once and I wouldn't feel so terrible. I mean, a smile can change everything's point of view. An old lady walking her dog passes by me.
"Hello, dear." She says in a frail, whispery voice. I smile at her.
And then we walk separate ways. If only she knew.
"Know what? Do you hear how pathetic you are? Why don't you just go and tell another person and watch the rejection. It's the same process every time, how long until you give up?" I hear my best friend tell me after I asked him if anybody would ever know how I feel. I see the look in his eyes, what looked like fear. But it was also uncertainty. Did he think I was lying to him about this whole thing?
"I'm not telling anybody else. I trusted you not to tell everybody. Now everybody hates me." I say, hearing the break in my own voice. I didn't even wait for him to reply, I walked off. I didn't care anymore. Nobody would come within 10 feet of me unless they either had to or didn't know.
Maybe what they all say is true. Maybe I am being pathetic. Maybe I should give up. But, everybody and myself know that I have been through too much to give up.
I find myself just walking along random sidewalks, my hood up, sunglasses on. Maybe nobody will be able to tell its me. I feel like walking around the city, but everybody would know me. So, I stick to the backroads and hope for the best. I also miss the days when I had a best friend. She was a girl. I haven't talked to her in forever, but maybe I should. She always had a good head on her shoulders, maybe she could look past all of this and still be my friend. Even though we haven't spoken in over three years. I doubt she needs me anymore now that she's moved away. She got the privilege to move away from all the hurt and pain of this city. She moved to California. I was stuck in New York City. I wonder if I have her phone number anymore. Probably not. I blocked everybody's numbers because they'd begun to send hateful things to me. All I use my phone for anymore is Twitter, Vine, Facebook, a few random games I have for no apparent reason. I don't even play those any more. Now that the "Flappy Bird Craze," has gone downhill, I don't really have the need for my phone. I still keep it incase I meet somebody worth putting in there. It would take a lot of work for that said person. They'd have to get to know me, and once they got to know me, I would break the news. If they stuck through that, I would place their number in my phone and be content. I wouldn't have to worry about phony calls and pranks. I wouldn't have to worry about those awful texts messages that I used to be so terrified to wake up to.
I realized that I was zoning out and I had almost wandered off into the road. I turn back over and walk like I am normal. Like I'm a normal kid, in a normal town, without any secrets or pain or lies. But, then I decide being in the normal world, be it just for a few seconds, hurt worse than any other pain I'd experienced. In the real world, there were liars, backstabbers and hurtful comments. But, in my head, it was a good place where everybody was accepting and happy. Yes, cliché, I know. But, I could care less. I needed to find a place where I could be content with my life, where there were accepting; kind people. Where I could walk down the streets in the city, enjoying the warm weather, and not have people shout vulgar comments at me through the windows of their cars when they pass by.
"Uh, hello? Can you hear?" I hear a voice from behind me. A female voice. Oh, great.
I turn on my heel and see a short blonde. She didn't look like she was going to be hateful. Then again, I shouldn't be worried; I've never seen this girl in my life before. I let my guard down a tiny bit, but I was still ready to bolt at any second that she might turn on me.
"Yeah, I can hear. Sorry, I was lost in my head." I state. Great, I probably sounded mentally ill now, too. Not that I'm making fun of them, I just don't need that on top of all the other things I'm going through.
"Well, I was going to say 'hey,' since I'm new here. I don't know anybody else around town. I'm starting at the school down the street in a few days. Probably on Monday, or Tuesday. I haven't decided yet." She says. Jeez, she kind of talks a lot.
"Y-yeah. What school?" I ask. She tells me the school's name, and sure enough, it has to be the one I go to. So, she'll hear the news, and she'll hate me.
"What's wrong?" She asks, taking note of the way I must look sad because of my thoughts. She'd know why I was sad soon enough.
"Nothing. Just, you're going to hate me once you start at that school. Everybody does. You'll get made fun of if you don't hate me." I say. She goes wide-eyed and then looks down. Her cheeks redden a bit.
"Why would everybody hate you?" She asks. That is not a comfortable question for me to discuss with somebody I've just met.
"Nevermind that." I say, and she looks down at her hands, picking at her fingernails. I feel a little guilt, but it washes away a few moments after. "Sorry, it's just, I told my friends a secret and they told the whole school. Now everybody knows and hates me for it." I say, and her eyes meet mine again. I felt a little better now that she was actually making eye-contact with me, but I also knew I only had a week to prove I wasn't so bad. If I even wanted to be her friend. Did I want to be her friend?
Don't turn down a person who actually wants to be your friend, stupid. My subconscious screams at me, and I mentally sigh.
"Must've been a bad secret, huh?" She asks, then continues, "was somebody being a bad boy?" She asks, her tone is playful, but I wasn't really in and position to laugh or joke around with somebody I'd just met. She also could've meant it in a bad way, maybe she already knew and was making fun of me. You're being paranoid, just have a good time. Sheesh.
"Well, no, actually. Why? Do I seem like the bad boy type?" I waggle my eyebrows at her and she smirks.
"Yes, you do." She tries to sound all professional and snobbish, but she fails when a smile breaks through and laughs. I laugh with her, and it feels good to laugh again. It's been so long since I had even laughed other than sarcastically. Sarcastic laughter had been the only laughter I had known from myself in a while, other than hearing laughter from other people towards me.
"Everybody laughs at me." I state, forgetting I wasn't alone.
"Huh?" She asks, her brown eyes filled with concern. She looked like she actually cared. I stared down at her, her height giving me a fair advantage over her by height. I had to at least be a foot or so taller than this girl.
"Uh, nothing. How tall are you?" I ask, no, blurt out. She looks semi-confused, or concerned, but she answers anyways.
"I'm 5'2", how tall are you? You must be a giant." She says, laughing.
"I'm 6'1"." I say, and saying it now, it did sound like I was a giant.
"Whoa." She says. I nod, a slight smile tugging at the corners of my lips.
"So, I never asked your name." I say, and she goes wide-eyed.
"I never asked yours either! We're both so completely social." She sarcastically remarks. If only you knew. I ignore my harsh thoughts and wait patiently for her answer. "I'm Maya." She says, a small smile spreading across her face.
"Scott." I say.
"Nice to meet you, Scott. I feel like I already know you." She says, holding her hand out for me to shake, a small giggle playing from her lips. If I were into females, I would consider her extremely beautiful. Not that the small friendship or whatever we had was going to last long. Once she starts school, tons of guys will be all over her, and then she'll know and leave me behind. I'll be a lost cause again before I even know it. A week. A week. That's all I have. "Hello? Scott? I think I lost you again." She says with a small giggle.
"Oh, I was just-"
"Thinking? That's okay, you don't have to tell me what you're thinking about if you don't want to." She says, cutting me off. I'm thankful she cut me off, I don't think I would be able to talk about this situation right now. I know she would turn away from me. Then again, I'm already judging her if I keep thinking this. If I keep telling myself that everybody will turn away I'm no better than they are. How do I know they will turn away for sure? How do I know?
Experience. You know they all leave once you tell them. Then they turn on you and make jokes about you and laugh at your expense. They join the 'popular' group at school and begin putting the harsh notes in your locker. They whisper harsh comments to you while you walk down the hall. They tell you it's not worth it to have a messed up life. And sometimes, you're going to think they're right.
But when I looked at Maya again, she looked happy staring at the small flowers budding by the roots of a huge tree. She seemed different than everyone else around here. It seemed like I could possibly have a friend. So, I'm not letting this slip. Before I can say another word, a husky lady with her brown hair tied up behind her head in a tight pony-tail waves Maya inside.
"Oh, that's my momma, I've got to go. So, I'll see you again, right? I mean, do you walk here after school everyday?" She asks.
"No, but I can walk down here after school tomorrow." I say, and a smile tugs up the corners of her full lips.
"That sounds good. Do you have a phone number?" She asks. I cant give her my number.
Just give her your number, if anything goes wrong, block her from your phone -and life- like all the other 'friends' you've had.
For once, I agree with my subconscious. I wait for her to take her phone out, then I recite my number to her, watching her thumbs pad across her screen; typing my number in. I watch as she puts a few smiley-face emojis next to my name, and I smile. Today was one of the worse days I've had, but the possibility of having a friend overlaps the other feelings. I felt happy. Content.
But, then again, there is always the Monday that'll change everything.
A/N: Hey guys, new story! Okay, okay, I know. I'm a terrible person. I keep leaving my other books to make new ones, but I just get these ideas that I need to write down somewhere and this is the first place that comes to mind. Most of my other stories -don't kill me- are going to be deleted, I don't have the time or the effort I need to put into those ones anymore. Sorry! If you like them, then you can request in the comments that I should keep it up and keep writing. But, other than that, most of them are being taken down. Sorry, again.
So, this is one story I am NOT, I repeat, not, giving up on. This is, like, my first or second non-fanfic story. This one could actually be PUBLISHED. Think of how amazing that would be! Haha, anyways, feedback in the comments (good or bad lol) would be greatly appreciated and helpful.