So right now me and one of my best friends are having a very big rant on love and the morals that come along with it. I know chapters in this are never very well structured but I'm just warning you of that in this one because I don't know if I have a specific aim in writing this haha. I just want to write about some of the things I believe in when it comes to this sort of thing and hopefully give some worthwhile advice along the way.
So it wouldn't be a chapter in Handbook without referencing Taylor Swift, especially a chapter about love! I just feel like I believe in a lot of the same things she does and I'm really finding what I think the right things to do when it comes to relationships are through her. There are so many lessons I'm learning from her that are going to help me in the future and that are already helping me.
A fan reached out to Taylor on Instagram, talking about how she had a crush on a guy who already had a girlfriend and how his girlfriend is beautiful and this boy will never love her back. I'm not going to lie, my initial reaction to that post (and most people's will have been the same, no doubt) was that it's just a crush. I think crushes are always sort of waved off as something that are a little bit average and not important and not valid. I have to say, I always felt that way about crushes until I read this quote. Taylor responded saying:
"I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It's just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you think you'll ever have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you'll find someone who loves you in that exact same way."
I have to say, this quote didn't affect me very much at first. I kept it in mind because I thought it was a sweet thing to say to that girl and I liked that it was saying that crushes aren't just pathetic. But the more I began to think about it, the more I realised I was taking from this quote. It made me realise a characteristic in myself that I'm proud of. I like a lot of people. And not in the way that there are loads of boys at my school that I want to be with or that I meet somebody and love them, but I'll occasionally see somebody around school or when I'm out somewhere and I'll just think that they're beautiful in one way or another and that quote has made me realise that that is something to be proud of. It's a good thing to see somebody and realise good things about them without feeling that you're only feeling that way about them to get affection in return.
That quote also made me realise something I'm not too happy about about society. People are scared to talk about their feelings. I'm not saying I'm not, because I am, but I don't like that it's that way! I think it's a bit of a flaw in society really. Why is it that if you like a boy or girl, you feel afraid to tell them in case they think you're weird? They should not make you feel humiliated or weird or bad for liking them! Whether it was unrequited love or whether you were hoping they'd like you back, it doesn't matter. You recognised some form of beauty in them, you liked there personality and/or the way they look and that is kind of you and it's kind of you to tell them that. It's unfair that you compliment them and recognise something good in them and in return they make you feel like you've done something wrong. It shouldn't be like that. So if you are brave enough, I am urging you to tell somebody you like that you like them and not be afraid! If they make fun of it or make you feel embarrassed then just question that. Ask them why it's a bad thing that you recognised something good in them. Ask them why they don't find it kind and lovely and ask them what you've really done wrong because I don't think you should ever feel embarrassed about how you feel about someone. You have done nothing wrong by feeling something for them. If they humiliate you for finding something great about them, then it is that person who has made a mistake.
I've talked about this one before but another one of my favourite quotes is "Love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right".
I think way too many people waste time. especially young people and part of that has to do with what I just spoke about. People are embarrassed about their feelings so they spend so much time acting like they don't like someone only to be frustrated that nothing is happening. If you like somebody, then show it, hell, tell them! Don't waste time. Taylor also said "but if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now". If you like somebody and want to be with them and know how you feel then tell them that. Don't waste time, just say it because you're going to be meaning the same thing whether you say it sooner or later! Going back to playing love good and right, if you're in a relationship then just don't play games. If you're feeling a certain way you need to say it. If you're not ready for something that the other person is then you need to tell them. If it's the other way around then you need to be understanding. I think the worst thing to do is to play hard to get and I think the best thing to do is to be honest. Whether you want to be in a relationship or you're already in one or even if you want to end one, just be honest. Nothing can go wrong if you're honest. Okay, maybe something can go wrong but you know you've done the right thing at the end of the day.
Basically, all feelings summed up, I think honesty is the best policy. I think you should be honest to yourself; if you feel a certain way about someone don't deny that to yourself, don't feel ashamed if they have a girlfriend or whatever, what you're doing isn't wrong, it isn't hurting anybody, it's just kind and selfless. Be honest to other people, just say how you're feeling when you're feeling it and don't play games.
I think that if you're honest, then some things may happen that you don't like but you will know that they've happened for a reason, but really great things come from being honest as well.