El Salvajito con un Corazón Indomable
It’s been a few days since running into Zayn and his friends. Apparently Zayn and the rest of his band mates were going to be performing at my school, and the whole school of course was going mad because they were here.
I moved my beaded bracelets from my wrist, and looked at the cuts I had. These days I felt so depressed and so down, that I’d intentionally cut myself to relieve the inner pain I felt. I wasn’t a regular cutter who did this habitually. In fact this was the first and only time I’d done it, and I hoped it didn’t happen ever again. I didn’t want to be one of those people who allowed their emotions to take over them.
Still, as much as I tried, my emotions often times did overpower me. And it’s been happening ever since I came back from England.
See I thought that after all the bad things that happened, when my friends threw me in jail for something I didn’t do, I thought that moving back to Los Angeles meant that things would get better. I would once again see my best friends Marco and Paola and things would go back to how they were. But it didn’t happen that way. My brother Eduardo was killed in a shooting at the University he attended.
It shook me to learn that my brother had been shot and killed. It didn’t make sense, because Eduardo didn’t have any enemies. In fact he had nothing but friends.
Since school was done for the day, I decided to go to the mall and meet up with Paola who just had to go and buy some shoes, since it was buy one and get the second one sixty percent off.
Yeah, she was mad about shoes, and I was mad about skateboards. I figured why the hell not. Plus I was in the mood to do something therapeutic, and shopping was considered to be something therapeutic that helped ease the mind.
“Oh my god. I can’t believe this sale is going on” raved Paola. “Thank you for coming with me.”
I smiled. “It’s no problem Pao. I needed to stay out of the house. And I’m happy you called me.”
“For sure” she smiled. “So are you gonna buy anything?”
“A skateboard. I figured I deserve a new one” I chuckled.
“Hey, shopping is therapeutic” she snickered.
“Yes it is. And I was just thinking that” I laughed.
“Then it looks like we’re on the same page” I stared into her brown eyes.
After getting something to drink, and looking around, she decided to go buy her shoes, and I decided to go to the skateboarding shop.
I finally entered the shop and looked at all the boards they had. They were all cool and I wanted to buy all of them, but I could only afford one. Sadly.
After spending a long time looking at all of them, and deciding which one I was more in love with, I finally picked one, grabbed a pair of green jelly wheels, and paid. Heading out of the store, I was so psyched about this new board, I literally could not wait to go home and fix it up.
I wanted to ride it so badly.
Paola texted me and said she finally made up her mind about the shoes she wanted, and apologized for having taken so long. Apparently she faced the same little dilemma I faced just now about what I should take. She too wanted to buy the whole store, but like me we could only spend so much and could only afford so much. I texted her and told her to meet me at the coffee shop because I was really in need of an iced tea.
“Mike?” I heard an all too familiar voice, with a British accent attached.
I looked up and it was Zayn, with the rest of his mates. All of them stared at me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. Zayn kept that same shocked stare at me. “What’s with the staring?” I demanded.
He kept staring at me. Then said, “I’m sorry. You just remind me of someone I used to be friends with.”
I resisted the urge to laugh. “Someone you used to be friends huh?” I gave him a sarcastic stare. “It almost sounds like whoever this someone was, things ended rather badly between you guys.”
I looked at the rest of his mates, Niall, Harry, Liam, and Louis. All of them had the same look on their faces. The same shocked expression that Zayn had.
“You just look so much like Mehmet” said Zayn. “You can almost be him” he kept staring at me, analyzing my face.
I gave him a sarcastic smile. “Well I have news for you. You’re wrong!” I said harshly. “You’re wrong. My name is the same one I’ve had since I was old enough to comprehend the world around me” I kept giving him that sarcastic smile. “In some way, I had to differentiate myself from that person you keep confusing me with.”
He sighed. The confusion on his expression grew. “You’re same face. Your same features, but on the other hand you look like a mature boy, distinguished, strong, confident…”
“Thank you!” I chuckled.
“Mehmet who…exactly?” I continued looking at him directly into his hazel green eyes, the same eyes that I too had.
“Mehmet was a boy I once knew…whom I used to be friends with. He was impulsive, brave, uninhibited, emotional, vulnerable, and humble, with an untamed heart…un Corazón Indomable…was what he said some said he had…but you want to know something else?” I listened, as he remembered and told me everything I told him about my past; what people used to refer to me growing up. He continued, “He was a really good boy, tender, innocent.”
Listening to him say all of these things, stirred anger inside me. It took everything in my power not to lash out at him. Not to hurl my fist into his face like the untamed beast - that dwelled inside me - wanted to. But now, I knew I had to control myself. I couldn’t be the untamed boy with no self-control that I was once upon a time.
What he said, also sunk into my heart. It made it beat faster with anger, at just remembering everything that he did that made me suffer untold humiliations.
“Well I suppose that you have nothing more to say to me, sir…as your mates over there clearly don’t” I looked at them with their jaws practically in the ground, speechless and without anything to say in return.
“No” said a really distraught Zayn. “I suppose not.”
“Well then…” I went back to smiling sarcastically. “With your permission I’d like to go, and next time, please don’t interrupt me again” I kept the sarcasm going.
I walked away without looking back, feeling sad and angry at the same time. I knew they were all looking at me with the same shock they’ve been staring at me with, since seeing me for the first time in a long time.
I was finally out of sight, my eyes watering up. I had no idea how it was that I managed to control my impulses that were raging within me. I didn’t know how I managed not to punch him and made him understand how angry I was at him for not believing in me, for allowing me to get thrown into a jail cell for a crime I never committed. Before I would throw punches without thinking twice. I still did, but now I had a little more self-control than before.
He didn’t even recognize me at all. I guess to him it was impossible for him to believe that the same Mehmet he once claimed was his friend, could be confident and sure of himself. He could not believe that someone like me could be the same unhappy boy with a tormented past, the same Mehmet that he made fun of and abandoned to his luck. But I was no longer that same helpless child he once knew me to be. And he’d best better keep his distance from me. He better not even cross my path because if he or his mates do, there’s no telling what I will do. I will destroy them if I have to.
Thinking further more about this, I could definitely say that the old Mehmet was a lot better than this one. At least before Zayn and his friends barged into my life, I was happier and with a better outlook in this messed up life. Now, that was no longer the case.
The day he left me to my luck and allowed me to get tossed in jail, he created in me an untamed heart, un Corazón Indomable, that was ready to lash out at whoever tried to hurt me.
Yes, I was still the same salvaje that everyone used to see me as. But this Salvajito, had more self-control than ever before. And was more careful about attacking to defend myself than ever before.
That was the difference now. I was the one in control. Not him or his mates. Only me!