The worst

I'm just writing exactly what I feel as I feel it.

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1. The worst

When I was two,

I thought the worst was when I was sent to bed early for misbehaving.

When I was three,

I thought the worst was when I was so tired that I would cry for no reason.

When I was four,

I thought the worst was when the teacher yelled at me for talking in class.

When I was five,

I thought the worst was when everyone else understood and I didn't.

When I was six,

I thought the worst was when I couldn't ride a bike without training wheels and everyone else could.

When I was seven,

I thought the worst was when I hurt my dog by accident, and couldn't apologise.

When I was eight,

I thought the worst was when my friends and I fought over something stupid.

When I was nine,

I thought the worst was when that boy didn't love me, even though I didn't love him.

When I was ten,

I thought the worst was when I hardly saw my old friends anymore.

When I was eleven,

I thought the worst was when my mom and dad fought.

When I was twelve,

I thought the worst was saying goodbye to someone I loved.

When I was thirteen,

I thought the worst was feeling alone in a room full of people.

When I was fourteen,

I thought the worst was when I hurt someone I loved.

But it is now that I am fifteen,

And I realise that the worst is when I love someone. And I drive then to the brink. Then they snap and I apologise for making them. But I can't tell anyone. And the person I love doesn't know how I feel. So I bottle my feelings but inside I resent myself for being so stupid and immature and weak. And a little part of me eats away at myself. Because I've caused myself this pain.

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