No more

For the Whovians who read this. The title has nothing to do with Doctor Who. I just thought it suited.

Well now back to the main idea of this.

Ever since I was 7, I have been having a hard time. Now when people say they have had a hard time, it normally means their parents split. or they're only living with one parent or none of their parents. My life is everything those people wish they had. But it isn't all it sees out to be.


2. 1 :)

Now people out there say that happiness is always around the corner. 

Newsflash... It isn't. Happiness isn't around the next corner, unless there's Iron man or a dinosaur round the corner, then there will be happiness.  

Truth is only you yourself can choose whether to be or not to be (see what I did there ??) happy. And most of us choose to be happy at all times. Some for the obvious reason of actually being happy, others use a smile to cover the tears, and the screams. I for one am one of those people. If you were my friend you would notice that I am always happy, quite literally. People usually think i'm on drugs or something, because I have frequent mood swings. It's quite funny really...

Right back to main concept of this... 

You never quite know what is going to happen to you, unless you are like a psychic person or something. THAT WOULD BE SO COOL. no ? okay, back to calmness now.

You could be fine one moment then you could see, read, hear something that can change your mood in seconds. Your mind has the ability to make situations worse than they really are. My mind does that a lot really, I see something on Facebook or Twitter, and my mood swaps, from what it was to what I saw. It's kind of complicated to explain really, it's like if you are reading a book, and there's a part where someone you didn't want to die, dies. You would either feel angry that they died, or upset. And so your mood changes, but only for a little while, while you take in what just happened. Our minds are set to make us believe that we cant do something. Now some people see that as a benefit to life, others see it as a massive distraction. 

I don't know what my mind thinks. I don't know if it's because of all the things I put myself through or it's because of the arguments. Now you're probably thinking arguments? What is she talking about? Well, this is something I have never told anyone. So feel special. I have constant arguments with myself. Call me crazy or whatever, I have heard them all before. But one side of my brain is trying to kill the other side. It's like my left side is a massive bully, it's been trying to kill my right side. My right side is like a adult. It thinks I can take on all the things that come my way. The bully's, the fights with my family, the self harm, school issues. It's like it's overworking itself, trying to manage life on its own, without the help of the left side. Okay now I just sound like a crazy person... Don't I ??  

I mean sure I sound like a madman but it makes sense if you think about it. I believe I can do things when reality hits me, and I realize that I cant, but by then it's already too late, and once I have started something, no matter how big or small, I set out to complete it.  I'm like Cinderella in a way, like in 'Cinderella - A Twist In Time' the prince completely forgot who Cinderella was, because of her evil step mother, but Cinderella didn't give up trying to make him remember did she ? No she didn't but then she realized that he wasn't going to remember, she gave in. My life goes like that in a way. Do you see where this is going ?? I'm trying so hard to tell you what I'm really like. It's hard, telling people this stuff when you know they are going to criticize you because none of it makes sense. But it does make sense, but only if you have the slight understanding of who I really am. 

I'm two different people. I'm bad and worse. I have never been good at explaining everything, and if I ever did, it would all come out the wrong way and no one ever understood.

Please understand what this is. What I'm trying to tell you. There are people out there like me, not knowing what to do. It's scary for us. We put up a hard front, we pretend that everything is fine. While our minds are killing us slowly. 

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