“Where have you been? Why haven’t you been here for the past two days?”
My friend Nadia looked at me when I finally on Friday morning showed up at school on time. I was actually there in plenty of time.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m back now.”
“And are you going to stay this time?”
“I’m going to try okay? It’s not exactly been an easy summer.”
“I know. It hasn’t been easy for either of us.”
“Don’t pretend like you actually cared about Harry.”
“Are you kidding? Everyone adored the kid but mostly because of his past. You were the only one who really got to know him for who he is instead of knowing the famous Harry Styles.”
“Someone needs to fill me in on that at some point but for now let’s just avoid Liam okay?”
“Liam isn’t allowed here.”
“That doesn’t mean he won’t show up.”
“Are you scared of him?”
“Let’s just say history is repeating and I don’t need to have another death on my mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s go somewhere private to talk about this? Please?”
Nadia followed me out of the classroom and down to the only room where we could really be alone and no one would hear us.
“So what do you mean?”
“Remember when Harry and I started hanging out? All he did was trying to save me from myself. Well let’s just say Liam’s been watching while he’s done it and knows my every move. He knows so much about me you wouldn’t believe it. Harry told him to keep an eye on me because apparently he knew he was going to die. Whatever Liam started coming around and suddenly he was an actual human to me and took care of me but the other day we started passionately making out and he kissed me yesterday as well and it’s just like with Harry. The drugs, the fights and so on. It’s scaring me Nadia. I don’t want Liam to die as well.”
“Then maybe it’s time for you to actually be helped Kerry.”
“I’m not ready to let go. I can’t do it.”
“You’re going to end up more addicted than you already are if you don’t stop already. It’s going to get you killed as well.”
“Rather me than him.”
“That’s what you said about Harry and look where that’s gotten us.”
“Don’t you dare talk about him like that!! You barely knew the guy!”
“No because you were always screwing around with him and fucked him at every possible chance.”
“I thought I was in love and the sex made everything better, so what did you want me to do?!”
“Just remember you’re still a minor and Liam’s older than Harry.”
“I don’t care. I’ve always been with the older guys.”
“And that’s why everyone’s talking about you the way they are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ll figure it out sooner or later. It’s all for the better.”
She left me there all confused and out of words. She had paralysed by saying everything he had said. I knew I was younger but Liam would never leave me, would he? Harry didn’t have a problem with it, so why would Liam?
I left for my class and sat down in the back with my journal.
It’s been some time since I’ve written anything here, and somehow I feel like I’ve let myself down by not writing, but the days have just been too crazy. Liam is here, and it’s making everything better for me. I like it when he’s near me. It makes me feel safe. Kinda like the day I was with Harry for the first time. I haven’t gone that far with Liam though. Liam and I are something different and I don’t know whether I like the different or not.
Liam and I kissed the night I took some drugs. I don’t really know what I took but it seemed to be in my system in forever but today I’m feeling better than I’ve done for a long time. I actually feel safe and happiness and everything else positive. Maybe today is the day Liam and I can talk about what’s been going on between us?
“Kerry are you even listening?”
“No sorry sir.”
I looked up at my teacher who was trying to explain something I didn’t really give a shit about but I couldn’t just drop out of school even though that was what I wanted to.
“Kerry get your books and stop writing in that journal.”
“I have to write in it.”
“Right now you just have to listen to what I say and nothing else. Got it?”
I put my journal back in my bag and found the books so I could follow the class, but this is when the strangest thing happened. I couldn’t keep up in class because Liam was standing in distance of the school but he was watching me, and I knew that meant he wanted me to come out to him. I felt it that way.
I got up and took my stuff with me, leaving nothing behind because I knew I wouldn’t come back to college today.
“Where do you think you’re going Kerry?”
“Sorry I have an appointment with my mentor.”
“You’re not going anywhere, now go back to your seat.”
“You know what? Screw you. I’m tired of you pushing everyone around. Everyone in here are your students and we have rights as well. Whether I’m going out to take a shit or going out to speak with my mentor you’re letting me out of this classroom. I’m not going to stay in here as long as you’re being a total twat to everyone.”
I rolled my eyes and left the very silent class. It felt amazing even though I knew it could get me kicked out. Somehow today I just didn’t care at all.