Liam sat down beside me soon and I felt empty as soon as he did. The memory in front of me stopped and I was back to reality even though I hated it right now.
“Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all morning.”
“I don’t know.”
“Kerry, what did you take?”
“I didn’t take anything. I swear I didn’t!”
“Shh… I believe you.”
“I didn’t take anything.”
I started shaking and moving back and forth scared he was going to hurt me or do something even worse than that.
“Come let’s get you upstairs.”
I started screaming and fighting not to let him take me away.
“Don’t take me away from him. He was here with me! I don’t wanna leave him alone he needs me!”
“Kerry the drugs are still in your body and they’re messing with your mind so please come with me so I can help you get better. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You don’t understand!”
I gave in to his strength and he carried me all the way up the stairs and into my flat before he closed the door behind him and placed me on the sofa and gave me some water. I didn’t know the difference between what was real and what wasn’t but one thing I knew was that with him there I actually felt really fucking safe.
I sat on the sofa for long with Liam just watching me. We didn’t speak because he knew I wasn’t able to tell him what had happened, and honestly I don’t think he wanted to know about it.
“How long are they in your system?”
“I don’t know.”
“When did you take it?”
“About 15 hours ago.”
“They should be out soon then.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I’ve helped Harry a lot, when things were going wrong for him and the others.”
“Do you miss them?”
“The band? The fans? The tours? The team?”
“I miss all of it Kerry but I can’t do anything about it.”
“Why did it stop?”
“Because it was better off that way.”
I went silent for a while and reached for the water on the table but I felt like I couldn’t reach it or move my body at all. It was hard for me to even think straight and I knew Liam noticed even though I didn’t want him to suffer from the pain I was feeling.
“Here let me help you.”
He handed me the cup of water and tried his best to help me when I was drinking so I wouldn’t get it all over me and took it from me again when I was done.
“Tell me a story?”
“Kerry I… I’m sorry.”
“Please, tell me about the world you’re from. I want to know.”
“It’s a harsh story.”
“It can’t be worse than what I am in now. Just tell me something.”
He smiled at me at stroke some hair away from my face.
“We started off as single artists. None of us really knew each other and it was hard to get noticed the way we wanted. It was on x-factor back in 2010. It was everything we ever wanted and when we got together as a group it felt like the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was beautiful even though we were insecure about ourselves and not really at the point we could get to...”
“Sing to me.”
“Are you sure?”
He stroke my cheek as I nodded and then started singing one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard in my life. He told me before it was one his band got from another singer and it was supposed to make girls like me feel more secure about themselves. It was really beautiful and it made me cry all the through. It was calming and honest and somehow I couldn’t help to hate it yet love it, because it was so true.
I closed my eyes and lived in the music as he sang to me and kept touching me. His hands on my arms almost felt like magic and I was amazed by the things he could do to me with just a few words or a simple touch.
I told him when he finished and then reopened my eyes to see him even closer to me than expected.
“Why are you so close to me?”
“Because I wanna try something.”
He was whispering and it freaked me out a little but somehow I couldn’t mind because it was him. It was amazing to feel this safe around another person again but he wasn’t Harry. He would never be Harry.
He didn’t say anything he just lay down beside me and held me tight into his chest and soon placed his lips over mine.
He whispered to me as he had shortly kissed me and tried to make me stay calm.
“We need to talk about what happened last night, that’s why I wanted to try it.”
“I don’t want to talk about last night. I don’t want to talk about anything that’s in the past.”
“Kerry… please? You’re getting me all confused.”
“How long have you known about me?”
“Since the very beginning. Harry and I never stopped talking.”
“How many times have you seen me before if you’ve been here so many times.”
“Have you been watching me?”
“Sorry. I was just trying to protect him. He was my friend as well.”
“Well he was the only one I had in my life and you didn’t protect him very well.”
“Stop acting like that.”
“Like I didn’t care!”
“You don’t seem to care now, so why would you have cared back then? Why would you do anything to protect him when all we did was getting drunk or high?”
“Because I couldn’t be here all the time!”
“But you could at least have tried to be there for your friend!”
“I couldn’t save him when he didn’t want to be saved! He tried to stop you and you ruined him Kerry! You ruined one of my best friends! One of the brothers I’d wanted my entire life and even that I got taken away from me!”
He got up and left the apartment. This was how it had been like before and that’s what scared me the most. I had seen it all before. People would stop living their lives and try to save me but in the end it would get them killed and I couldn’t put that on Liam as well.