We sat in the apartment for quite some time just hugging each other. It was important for me to be safe but Liam could do that. Or at least so I thought. If Harry trusted him I’d have to trust him as well. I needed to trust him with everything if Harry had done the same.
After a while Liam got up and made coffee like he knew my place better than anything in the world. He placed it on the coffee table by my sofa before he came back to me and helped me up from the floor. The music was turned off and the vodka had been put away.
Liam found me a blanket and wrapped it around me before he sat down with me in the sofa and got some coffee.
“In order to help you I need to understand and know you Kerry, so please. What’s your story?”
“I was born here and have always been here. I’m that small town person who grew up with parents who never really cared and when I turned 16 they just left without saying anything. They are still paying the bills and come by from time to time but they never really cared about anything at all. I don’t have any siblings so I’ve grown up by myself and somehow I really loved it even though I needed a brother or a sister at times.
I was never really the one to have many friends and have never really enjoyed being social even though I was forced to do so which of course gave me the friends I have today. I honestly don’t know when it all went wrong for me. I guess it was when my parents left. I had the entire control myself and in this town no one really cares because they know who can control everything and who can’t. They just never realised that I was one of the ones who couldn’t.
When Harry got here last year I was a wreck and so was he. The only thing that really made me high on the world was the weed I had been smoking on the alcohol I had been drinking. But at least I tried making a living. Harry lived in the apartment down stairs which meant we were close to each other and we started speaking really shortly after he got here. I was so fascinated about the stories he could tell. He would always talk about trips he had been taking around the world. Now I know it was on your world tours. He smiled and was so dreamy whenever he talked about it. He taught me how to live through his experiences and I taught him how to live through mine. After he had been here for a week or two we started fucking each other’s brains out every now and then while we were high or stoned.”
I took a sip of my coffee and looked back up at him again.
“I don’t regret doing any of it, you know? I loved being in control the way I was and loved having the power as well as I enjoyed when he had it the most. It made the relationship much more fun to be in. The only thing was that we made the worst of each other and I see that now. The cigarettes, the drugs, the alcohol and all the sex in one big mess… it was too much for any teenager.”
“Harry only just got to be an adult.”
“Yeah… but I didn’t give him those drugs. I told him not to take any that night he died.”
“I know you did Kerry.”
I drank the rest of my coffee before I put the mug on the table. The drugs were still in my system and still bad and I could feel them stream through the blood. It was now the big rush came from them.
“I think it’s better if you leave now Liam. I might hurt you if you don’t.”
“Wait what’s going on?”
“Please just leave, I don’t want to end up hurting you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I promised to protect you remember?”
“Liam please, it’s about to get worse.”
“The drugs. I know my body. Please just… I can’t control my emotions when this gets out.”
“I don’t care. Show me your world.”
He held both of my hands and looked at me with a very serious expression.
“You’re making the wrong choices Liam Payne…”
“Then let me.”
That’s what got it over the edge and I started crying and wanted to bury myself alive. Liam moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me while I was crying. My face was buried in his shoulder as we sat there.
Slowly I started kissing his shoulder and moved up towards his neck. He was still out of place and so was I. Neither of us really knew what was going on. We were just living in the moment and tried our best not to get away from it.
I kissed him all the way up his jaw line till I met his lips and then felt them there for moments that felt like forever. We moved closer and our bodies were turned on by the touch and the emotions between us. It was stressful but it kept happening. His hands were around my waist and I hungered for more of him but when we started undressing it was like everything stopped and he threw my shirt back at me and looked me in the eyes.
“I’m so sorry. I better leave.”
He didn’t stop even though I kept shouting for him to come back. I shook my head and then heard the door slam before I turned back towards the TV which was turned off…
I moved my fingertips across my lips and felt how he had left a mark I’d never be able to forget.