I went to the local pub after school ended. It was where everyone hung out and I guess it was better for me this way to get a drink to forget everything. No one really cared about ID in this town. Not even the cobs whom I’d often had drinks with in here.
“Just the usual Daniel.”
He mixed my drink before I paid for it and took it with me.
“Here you go.”
I took it with me and rolled my eyes when I turned around to see Liam in there. He really was stalking me which was honestly the most creepy thing I’d ever felt.
“What do you want this time?”
“An explanation. You ran away from me this morning without answering any of my questions.”
“You didn’t ask any.”
“Well you didn’t give me the chance to.”
“Talking about Harry isn’t going to bring him back. It’s not going to heal me or make me feel less of a loser. I just want it all to stop already okay? I have enough pain as it is.”
“Maybe I could make that pain go away. After all I knew Harry.”
“Yeah you knew the famous Harry Styles who everyone wanted a little piece of and who got whatever he asked for. He was a brat back then but guess what here he was my wreck and we made it through it together with alcohol and weed and whatever else we could get our hands on.”
“And look how far you’ve gotten with all of that.”
I rolled my eyes and out of words to speak I drank half of my drink and then throw the rest of it in his face before leaving the pub. I was angry and I wanted it all to stop already. Liam came after me and followed me all the way back home across the cemetery.
“Why are you doing this to me?! Why do you want to remind me of everything I’ve been going through in my life by bringing him up all the time?!”
“Listen Kerry! I’m trying to heal as well and I believe it’s better to talk things through than throwing myself out there and hurt myself. You’re hurting the people who care about you and you don’t give a shit about it.”
“I can’t be fixed!”
“No there’s a difference! You don’t want to because you’ve lost hope! A hope I want to help you find again! I want to make you live your life again Kerry!”
“I don’t want to live! I should have died there with him.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I wanted to die there with him but I was saved!”
“Kerry you’re being a child!”
“Then maybe it’s because I still am one! Weren’t you the one pointing out that your friend had been fucking a minor? A minor that I see you want to fuck as well! And don’t look at me that way because I see the desire written in your eyes! I see I’m just some rebound girl because I am the closest you’ll ever get to get him back!”
I opened the door to my apartment and without noticing he followed me in like he owned the place.
“How did you know?”
“So you’re actually admitting it!”
“It’s not like that Kerry.”
“Liam, get out of my apartment! I need to be alone right now! I need you to not face with your pitiful eyes and your piercing desire! As you said none of this will bring him back to any of us!”
“No but I need you and you need me.”
“I need you to get the hell out of here right now otherwise I’ll be calling the police and get you removed from this place for stalking me and for trespassing!”
He rolled his eyes at me and then left my place. I smacked the door right behind him as soon as he had left and then started screaming again. I wanted to get all of this out of my system. While I did I moved out into the bathroom where I kept the powder. The one thing that always made me feel better.
I made a line on the edge of the sink and sniffed the powder up into my nose. I felt the adrenalin kick in and saw my eyes get bigger and my body reacting to it. I felt much better like this. I took my shorts off and my shirt as well. I ended up walking around in my underwear and the tank top I had been wearing all day. It felt good to dance around like this.
I moved myself to the living room dancing to the music I had just put on and found a bottle of vodka in the cabinet and started drinking. It felt so fucking amazing that I could do it like this. Disappear in my own world of misery. I wanted to disappear forever but something held me back from overdosing this time. It was Liam. He had put some sort of sense into my head which didn’t make any sense to me.
I heard a knock on the door but I couldn’t bother to open it not before it had been there for what felt like eternity. Liam was back at my door and he moved into the apartment when he saw me and how I was dealing right now.
“Don’t do this to yourself. What did you take?”
“Woah slow down sassypants. I’m just having some good old fun.”
“Kerry this is not funny. What did you take?”
“Don’t worry I can control this. It’ll be out of my system by tomorrow.”
He shook his head and took the bottle of vodka from my hands and put it down on the table.
“Don’t put this on you. What happened wasn’t your fault and I don’t want to lose another person.”
“Why do you care so much?”
“BECAUSE HARRY CARED! I PROMISED HIM TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS EVER HAPPENED OKAY?!”
This shut me up and the music was suddenly the only thing to feel the room. The silence between Liam and I never grew awkward in this place because I was just trying to focus on his words and it took me quite some time to understand but when I did I broke down in tears.
“Kerry don’t cry.”
“He loved me, he wanted to protect me and I failed him when he needed me the most. I’m such a bad person.”
“Kerry you’re not a bad person. You’re a person with a great heart and Harry knew that. That’s why he loved you so much but please let me help you. I can’t lose someone I promised to protect with my life. He wanted me to do this Kerry so please don’t do this for me, do it for Harry he deserves that much doesn’t he?”
Liam had sat down in front of me and I couldn’t help but climb to him and hold him tight. I just wanted to feel safe and because of the words he said he made me feel safe around him even though we had only known each other for a very short time.