Trouble {One Direction}

Sometimes we don’t realize things before they’re too late. Sometimes we realise them just before and sometimes we see them at the very beginning. We start moving into the darkness and move around in seducing ankles. It’s fun in the beginning but sometimes it can all be taken to a point where it’s going way out of line. Why couldn’t we stop this before it was too late? Why did we keep moving to the stars and the sound of our own emptiness? But as it’s been said before… the thing about pain is that it’s demanding to be felt and I so felt it this time. I’m so sorry for what I started between us. We could have made it if it wasn’t for what I kept doing to you.

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4. 4

I ran out of the café not long after we had gotten there. The talks about Harry were just too much for me. Even though Harry and I loved each other it was never the best love we could give each other because as much as we loved spending time together we would often end at points where we got the worst out in each other and it almost ruined me as well as it ended up doing him.

I ran back to the cemetery and took out my journal. I loved writing in it whenever I needed to get something off my mind.

So Harry used to be in a band with Liam and three other guys. It’s weird for me to think that he would never tell me something like that. Yet again there were so many things we never really told each other. All we really did was having sex, getting drunk and take drugs every once in a while and even that had stopped after a while.

Harry was the person I couldn’t let go off even though he didn’t make me a better person. He made me feel better about myself and that’s what I needed at the point when he first got here a year back.

Liam could have told me everything he wanted to but he told me about the band and about just how much Harry loved me as a person and for who I was. He must have understood me better than most people did. But again if he was one of the closest to Harry they must be alike and just the tiniest bit like Harry and he would understand me. It honestly didn’t take that much if I wanted people to.

I always knew Harry was an amazing singer. He used to come to my apartment at night when I couldn’t sleep and then he would sing me to sleep. It was the best sleep I’d ever gotten when he did that. It was comfortable and I felt loved.

The tears were streaming down in my book and I felt pathetic for sitting there by his grave crying. I was so angry with the world right now that I didn’t know what to do. It was bothering me and made me go angry and cry even more but no one noticed until I started screaming. I wasn’t screaming any words I was just screaming at the top of my lungs, there in the middle of the cemetery with my journal in one hand and my pen in the other.

“Don’t, you’ll wake up the dead.”

I looked to Liam who had finally come to me and then packed my stuff to leave to go to school.

“Why do you even bother with your studies?”

“Because I have to… College isn’t that bad after all.”

“College?! How old are you?”

“Never mind…”

He moved out in front of me and placed both of his hands on my shoulders.

“You told Harry you were old enough. He thought you were 19… How old are you really Kerry?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“God why can’t you just tell me?”

“Because age is just a number and people would judge him if they knew the truth.”

“Are you a minor?”

“Fuck off.”

“You are, aren’t you?”

“I’m 17 okay? Are you satisfied that your best friend was fucking a minor and took her to parties and such, even though she wasn’t even old enough to drink a beer?”

“I’m shocked.”

“Well congrats. Age is still just a number and it doesn’t change what I feel is real.”

“Look you’re the one judging here not me. So why don’t you just relax about it okay?”

“Whatever.”

I took my bag from the ground and went all the way to my college only to get there just on time.

“Looks like crack head actually made her way to school today. You feeling alright after your boyfriend died in the fire and of OD?”

This was why I hated college the most. Someone would actually take to bully me with what had happened to me and to Harry.

“What happened to Harry has nothing to do with who I am or what I’ve tried. At least I’m not pretending to be perfect when in reality I’m a wreck and I don’t think a crack whore like you should speak too loud about drugs. The wrong people might end up hearing about it.”

I gave her a nod and rolled my eyes before I found my seat and the class started, though this didn’t mean that I did something. It just meant that I was sitting in the back of a classroom writing in my journal.

The bullies are back and I don’t know how much I can actually handle. It seems strange that someone would use these things against you especially if they can see just how broken you are from everything that’s happened.

Liam talked about my age at the cemetery. He knew about it but not in the way he ought to know. I told him the truth and wanted him to accept me for the person I was even with the age I had. He seemed different than the other people in this town and maybe he would be able to help me through this… of course… if he stayed.

I sat there for the rest of the day until I got off. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone at the school. Of course I’d be hanging out with my friends but they didn’t seem to understand anything either, they tried though. It just wasn’t good enough for me. I needed someone who really understood and I honestly think Liam was the key to that problem at least I was going to try and talk him into staying for a while so he could tell me more about Harry and their past and maybe I could even teach him about the Harry I knew and how everything got to where they were. 

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