Someone knocked on my door while I was in my bed almost asleep. I didn’t really know if I should bother with getting up but it seemed like the smartest thing to do right now.
When I looked through the peephole I was greeted by a familiar face from earlier that day. As I sighed I opened the door and looked at him… Liam.
“How did you know where I live?”
“Small town. Wasn’t too hard to figure out.”
“Are you stalking me?”
“No I just wanted to talk to you.”
“If you didn’t get the message earlier I’m not interested in talking. I have too much on my mind.”
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“Just leave me be.”
“What’s your problem?”
“I could ask you the same question! You’re showing up at my apartment uninvited and expecting me to just jump into a conversation with you after I told you to leave me be! What is so special about me that give you the need to come around my place at night Liam?”
“I know what happened… with him.”
My eyes grew wide and I stepped a few steps back. How could he know about him? How could Liam possible know about what happened here and about the party?
“How do you know everything that’s been going on? How did you know my name, my journal, what happened?! Tell me how you know everything!”
“I thought you wanted me to leave you alone!”
I grabbed his shirt and moved closer to him.
“What do you know about that party?”
I spoke through my teeth with a tight grip on him. It was weird and strange and I wanted it all to stop because my traumas were getting real. I felt it all happen all over again and I became scared of what I was currently doing.
“Don’t you hush on me!”
He pushed me into the apartment and closed the door behind him. It was so strange the way he was acting. I couldn’t figure him out. It seemed so out of place and weird to me.
“Just shut up okay! You can’t talk loud about it outside. People are starting to wonder about it all.”
“What is it you know that you’re not telling me?”
“I knew him okay! He was my friend! I know about everything that’s happened here but I needed to know more about it and I need your help to learn about all of this.”
“You made a big mistake coming to this town.”
“Talk to me about it!”
“It’s time for you to leave now. Get out!”
He left without saying anything and I locked the door behind him before moving back to sit against the wall with my legs against my chest. I sat there for quite some time calming myself down before I moved up to the table and found my journal only to start writing.
He was here. Liam… it was strange that he was here. I felt weird that he was here. I don’t get why he was trying so much when clearly I didn’t want to speak with him. Yet with the new information he had given me I wanted to know him and wanted to know why he was here and why now. It had been four months since Harry disappeared… I missed him. I missed him more than I had ever missed anyone.
Apparently him and Liam were friends, yet I had never heard anything about a Liam or anyone else from his past really. He had never really been the big talker when it came to that. All I knew was that Harry was a wreck when he first got here and that’s what made me want him even more. He was like me and we could deal with reality together.
What bothered me the most was that Liam knew about the party which meant someone would have told him. Harry was here on his own… he stayed at the same apartment house as I did. It was for students only and that’s how I got to know him. If Liam was his friend I would have seen him in the hall wouldn’t I? It all seemed a bit too much to me to be honest.
I put my journal down on the table and my pen on top of it before I looked around the apartment that felt emptier than ever. It was the worst feeling when it started like this. That’s the times I wanted to hurt myself, take drugs or get drunk but often I didn’t because I still wouldn’t be able to sleep at night because of the nightmares haunting me from that night where it all happened.
I got up and went out into the kitchen where I got myself a cup of tea before moving back to the living room and finish the movie I was watching. It wasn’t too late maybe around 9pm when the movie finished and I decided to go to bed. I was too exhausted and I just wanted my best to get some sleep even though I knew I’d get another nightmare. It was how it was every night and how it had been for a very long time.
I crawled up under my duvet in the bedroom and curled together in a ball before I took the picture of Harry and me and lay it down beside me to look at. For someone it might have been scary that I was doing these things but in all honesty this was my way of coping.
“I wish you were still here with me Harold. I miss you so badly.”
My voice was weak and distant from my drugged body. As I had told everyone around me I’d rather feel numb that feel the pain going through my body and the pain of constantly seeing his face in front of me while he was dying. It was the most painful thing I’d ever felt and I wished for anything in the world that no one would ever have to go through what I had been going through when the boy I loved the most died right in front of me.
I kissed the picture of us and put it back on my nightstand before I put my phone in the charger and lay down to look up at the ceiling.
“I’m so sorry Harry. I love you.”
I whispered the words before I went to sleep, and for the first time in a long time it only took me a few minutes to fall asleep.