Would it have gone this wrong if I hadn’t hurt you the way you hurt me? Would I have survived and not ended up writing in the cemetery every afternoon? Possibly but none of us know the right answer we can just guess out from what we’ve been told and what we’ve been wishing for and thinking about. Truth is none of this could have been avoided. This was the way of coping with the loss once again I was back on the track that would end up killing me one day. You had tried taking me out of it so many times and I’m sorry that I could never really make it work for us.
Everyone has been asking how I’ve been feeling today. I guess I kept telling them that I was just fine but to be honest I don’t think I’ll ever be fine. When he left he took a part of me with him. Why would he do this to himself? We had it all under control but he sacrificed himself when we all could have survived all of this. It was just another party gone wrong and I honestly didn’t understand it anymore. I lived on my own now. No parents. No Siblings. No one to bother me but I didn’t know how to live like this. The apartment looked fine and I guess I looked fine on the outside as well. It wasn’t one of those pathetic holes for drug addict. I had been trying out with drugs though. I was dressed up in clean clothes and the apartment was clean as well but it would never really heal me either. I tried moving on but I just couldn’t escape the dark secrets and what had gone wrong that night.
Everyone kept saying I was going to heal eventually but I wasn’t I don’t think I could ever heal. After all I was the one who was lying beside him and saw him die.
“What are you doing here?”
A stranger’s voice rang in my ears and I couldn’t help but look up even though I didn’t really care about it. I took my stuff and left the cemetery without saying a word. He must have thought he scared me. He was new to this town. The stranger from the cemetery.
I stopped by the woods right beside the cemetery. I wasn’t usually down here it was too scary for me and it was here it all happened. I was sitting staring at his grave when I wrote even though we were close to where it all happened.
The stranger followed me down to woods. He didn’t understand did he?
“What do you want from me?!”
He looked at me scared of the words I had just said but when I looked into his eyes it was like a whole new world opened for me.
“How do you know my name?”
“I saw you at the school earlier.”
“You’re too old to go to school.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be there does it?”
“What do you want from me?”
“You dropped this.”
He handed me my journal and I looked at him scared and took the journal from him without saying anything.
“You shouldn’t just leave it around. Someone might start reading through the stuff you’ve written.”
“No I wouldn’t want anyone to read it if it had been mine.”
“You keep a journal?”
“Not anymore. Sorry.”
I looked at him and then we both started walking. He led me into the woods and it wasn’t before we were standing in the middle of where it all happened that I realised. I had been mesmerised by his appearance. He had me in some sort of control that I had never felt before not even with him.
“What are you doing!?”
I panicked seeing the scene of where it all happened and started running the other way. I was confused and out of control running through the cemetery.
I decided to walk the rest of the way home but I stopped by his grave just to look at it one more time. This wasn’t a safe place to write anymore.
“Who are you?!”
I turned around and looked at him.
“I’m sorry. I’m Liam.”
“Liam Payne. I just moved here.”
“I know you did.”
“Then what’s the deal?”
“What do you want from me?”
“I’m trying to get to know you but it seems to me like you’re trying to escape.”
“No one wants to know me.”
“But I do.”
“It’s better for yourself if you don’t. I´m trouble.”
“I don’t believe so.”
“Just leave me alone.”
I shot one look back at the stone on his grave and walked back to the apartment. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing.
I sat down and went through my journal again. I wanted to write more in it but it just seemed so out of place right now.
Who was the guy? Liam Payne. I felt like I had heard the name before but to be honest I had been living under a rock for the past few years. I had been away for so long living in the dream of alcohol and drugs in the small town we had all grown up in. It was a small community but something we all enjoy very much. Something that belonged to all of us… Or at least what was left of us.
Most people wanted to escape the town and a lot of them had done already but the rest of us would be captured here forever and I was definitely one of those who couldn’t just run away even though it was what I wanted the most.
I sat down with my laptop and looked up the familiar name. It was a weird thing with the internet. Everyone was online and we could look everyone up. It scared me knowing that someone could look up everything that happened that night and find information about me and my friends. It was supposed to be the party that would go down in history. And so it did just a little different from what we imagined… and for me a lot different.