I was finally forced to face Niall. He had one of his parties, one month later. I had finally learned to live with the shame that I had become one of all the girls in his life. I realized that I couldn't care, but I wanted to try to be me. The difference was that I didn't care if he was feeling okay or not.
Louis was the one who hugged me when I came into the Nialls home. I had on my body a nice tight dress and I looked good. I really wanted to show Niall that I could live on and that I didn't care about him (although I cried deep down).
"YOU are beautiful!" said Louis, and he smiled big against my dress. "Talk about making you look like a model."
I blushed. I walked into the party with my head held high. I didn't see Niall and I chose to go to Eleanor. She was standing in a corner, talking to other people.
"Jenny!" she exclaimed direct and hugged me. "I haven't seen you in weeks. How are you?"
I smiled and tried to show a strong side of myself.
"It's really good!" I said and actually it wasn't a lie. I felt I had regained control of everything and I enjoyed my life.
"Yes, I have also made progress!" she said and began to talk about what she was working with. I must admit I only listened half on her. Niall came down the stairs and I saw him. He was as great as usual, but I saw that he was tired. He wasn't as charming as before, and he looked almost sad in the body. He was startled when he saw me, but I played on. I looked at Eleanor and followed his path in the corner of my eye. I noticed he was staring at me. I enjoyed that moment! He saw that I went ahead and he saw that I wasn't depressed over that which had happened.
"The problem is that I need to get that part." continued Eleanor and I swallowed. Niall didn't walk over to me, but he kept so close that he saw me. I looked at her and I tried to show my interest.
"Yes, it is tough!" I said. Eleanor laughed and nodded with her whole face.
"You understand me? Yes, it's as if you are struggling, but it keeps coming new things."
Niall stopped and he seemed almost feel lost in his own home. I noticed that some girls came up to him, but to my surprise he did barely cared about them. He seemed to try to be funny, but he didn't succeed.
"I have a confession!" whispered Eleanor right as it was to me. I was startled and looked at her. She blushed slightly and I saw that she wanted to confess something sensitive.
"Yes?" I got up.
"I'm so in love with Louis, but he doesn't see me."
I laughed lightly. I had already seen that part and I had long ago realized that she wanted Louis.
"Talk to him?"
She shook her head quickly.
"I've tried, but he doesn't see me. I talk to him, but he wont listen."
I tried to give her a good advice.
"Talk about him?"
I smiled at her.
"Guys love to talk about themselves and they like to share what they can do."
She liked my advice and I saw that she became curious about what else I could say.
I laughed lightly and made sure we knew where Louis was in the room. He was talking to Harry.
"Go to him and ask how his week has been. Question about how things are going with his football and ..."
She interrupted me.
"Yes, he loves to play football."
Eleanor was almost glad over the information and she nodded.
"I'll talk to him!"
I smiled and watched her vanish away. I realized I was good at getting others to be together, but my own life was in chaos.
Right as it was, I felt a hand around my waist and someone pressed himself against my back.
"We need to talk!"
I tore myself from Nialls arms and looked at him coldly.
He looked like a lost puppy. He just stared into my eyes and I saw that he didn't like my answer. Still, I wanted to make him suffer. He thought he owned me, but the truth was that he didn't possess more than what one saw in the house.
I backed off.
"You had your chance. You blew it and I know you can't stay with one girl. I don't want to get hurt Niall."
I noticed that some looked at us. I understood that we shouldn't stand in the middle of the room and talk.
"Put it down!" I whispered, and left him. I felt like I wanted to cry, but I wasn't ready to show everyone how I felt. I was surprised when Niall followed me.
"Please talk to me."
I spun around and looked coldly into his eyes.
"I know I didn't mean something to you and I know that you take advantage of all people you happen to meet. I'm so tired of it and I can't stand this."
He had tears in his eyes but I couldn't care if I hurt him.
"You don't even believe in love!" I hissed cold. "So why should I even try?"
I was proud of myself. I spun around and went straight to his front door. He didn't follow and when I came out into the yard dropped everything. I wept much and I felt my whole world was again up and down. Why was I so proud of myself? Couldn't I just admit that I love him.
When I came home to the apartment I cried. I lay in bed and wished I could die. I had a panic, I had anxiety and I had everything that spun around inside me. I saw Nialls sad face, but at the same time I wanted him to suffer.