Paid happiness

"You can buy everything for money!" he said. I knew he was right, but he couldn't buy me. He couldn't buy my love or my respect. I was one of the few that went against his opinion. I went against the flow.

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11. Listen and understand

Niall chose to take me away from everyone else and he looked straight into my eyes. 
"Please listen!" 
I had mixed feelings, and I looked down at the ground. I felt how he took his fingers under my chin and he did so that our eyes met. 
"Yes I'm an idiot," he said, swallowing. "I did wrong and I was scared." 
He made sure his fingers were firmly under my chin. 
"Jenny, That night when I, when we ...." 
I cleared my throat 
"We had sex?" 
Niall blushed slightly and removed his fingers. 
"I was so afraid of everything." 
I frowned. 
"So you're afraid?"
Niall sighed and he seemed attempted to explain his feelings. 
"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to live up to your standards. I was afraid that I wasn't enough." 
I felt that he took his arms around my neck and he looked straight at me. 
"Jenny, I was afraid for myself. I was first afraid of Niall, because you already knew him, but I didn't know who he was." 
Okay, I was surprised. 
"And that means?" 
Niall smiled weakly. 
"The fact that I'm on the areas that I have been folded for so long." He cleared his throat, "I'm not used to feeling something and I'm not used to feel guilty."
His eyes were so blue and I saw that he was struggling not to make a fool of himself. 
"I loved not having to bother." he whispered honestly. "I loved the idea that nothing mattered and I lived for the moment." 
I nodded. 
"I know, I saw it!" 
Niall smiled faintly and he seemed to like that I understood. 
"You saw me and you saw behind my mask. You saw that I suffered and you were there whenever I needed someone behind me. Problem is that I don't know how to be that against you, I also want to be as strong as you are and I also want to... "
One girl came up to us and she seemed not at all happy that Niall cared about me. 
"Come on, can't we have some fun?" she whispered. I felt that I just got tired even more on Niall. I smiled cold towards Niall. 
"I know you find it hard to change. This why I give up." 
I walked past him and straight to the door. I heard that more people went up to Niall and I felt a lump in my stomach.

 

I didn't get longer than outside the door until Niall came running after me. He grabbed my arm and stopped me. 
"Please, I don't want you to go away." 
I spun around. 
"What do you want me to do, then you don't believe in love and you can't love. I'm just one in the crowd that you have seduced." 
Niall hesitated. He was still holding my arm, and he was still unsure.
"Jenny, I'm not good at this,,,"
I sighed and tried to get free, but he wouldn't let me go. Instead, he picked up the other arm and grabbed my other arm hard.
"Listen!"
I was startled and looked into his eyes. Niall blushed slightly and he frowned.
"Just listen to me!" He took a deep breath. "I'm not good at this because I haven't felt like this before. My stomach tingles, my legs are weak and I can no longer think clearly. It's only you who's in my head and I can't get rid of you."
I became quiet. I understood he felt something for me. He really felt something.
"Jenny, I have for so long lived in the dark and I haven't been happy about anything. Since I was with you, that weekend, I haven't done anything other than thinking about what you said and what we did."
I swallowed.
"Why did you leave me in the morning?" I whispered. Niall gulped and he released me. 
"Because I panicked. I felt so many things for you and I got scared." 
I saw that he meant every word and he was honest. 
"Scared?" 
Niall smiled weakly and lowered his eyes. 
"I begin to understand what that movie was all about. I understand why the guy struggled to get back the girl." 
I blushed and I understood. Yet, I didn't utter a word. Niall lifted his gaze and he smiled rather sheepishly. 
"I'm ready to do the same thing for you., I love you!"

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