Not A Heterosexual Jane But I'd Marry You If I Was. (Homestuck)


1. Not A Heterosexual Jane But I'd Marry You If I Was.

“Dirk. I have an idea.” Jane said from where she sat in his lap, propped up by his arm and the armrest.

“Yeah girly?” He smiled down her, back against the sofa with one arm draped over the back.

“I think I know how to solve this problem between us and Jake.”

“Really Janey? What you got?”

“We forget about Jake and we date each other!” She said with a large smile looking over at him, blue eyes sparkling.

“Well not that that isn’t a totally fucking rad idea Janey-baby. However there is one little problem with that.” He said, fluffing her hair.

“What’s that Dirk?” She said confused.

He grinned before moving his other arm up to cup her breast, giving it a squeeze. “Honk. I am not a heterosexual Jane.” He said laughing.

“Pshhh. Stay classy Dirky.” She giggled, pushing his hand off her chest. “Yeah I guess you’re right.”

They sat in comfortable silence before Jane had an idea.

“OH waitwaitwait!” She said loudly, twisting and digging through her pockets.

He looked on in amusement at her actions, only to laugh out loud when he saw what she had.

“Ta-da! How about now?” She asked, showing off her fake mustache with pride.

“Oh shit. I stand fucking corrected. Stand by for swooning.” He said, scooping her up and moving her.

“AHH Dirk what are you doing?” She (she refused to call it a shriek) shouted as he did so.

“Oh no I was serious Janey. Stand the hell by.” He smirked with the words, before sitting her down where he had been and lying across her lap.

“Take now Ms. Crocker, take me now.” He fake-moaned, not even bothering to hide the smile on his face as Jane laughed and laughed above him.

“Hoohoohoo.” She laughed, covering her face with her hands.

“Hey still waiting to be ravished here yo.” He reminded her, chuckling.

“Dirk you’re ridiculous.”

“I know girly. But I’m still your best friend. And if I was straight you would be the first girl I’d date. Hell I’d probably marry you.” He said, smile on his face as the last giggles from Jane escape her.

Jane sighed. “We need to get over Jake.”

“Yeah, most likely.” He muttered, before tugging Jane into a laying position. “But now’s not the time for that. Only cuddles now.”

“Oh Dirk. Alright.” She smiled as he held her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“In the morning things will be fine.” He whispered. ‘At least I hope so.’

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