To be forgotten

You can take away my family, you can take away all my stuff and you can take away my hope. I've still given up and I want to just fall away in oblivion.


6. To open a little

"Rise and shine!" 
I turned my back to her. I had once again dreamed that my parents died and I had woken up with panic. I had cried half the night and I was just tired. I heard she opened the window and that she was moving in the room. She left me and I enjoyed the silence. I saw the crack in the wall and noted that it was the same as yesterday. I heard they rolled out the cart with breakfast, but no one came into my room with a tray. I waited, but it remained silent. Eventually, I spun around and looked towards the door. I was surprised when I saw Niall. He was leaning against the wall, he had his arms crossed and he smiled at me. 
"It took exactly five minutes before you realized that they didn't come in with your food?"
I frowned and stared at him. What did he mean? Niall pulled out the wheelchair and without a word he lift me up. He sat me down on it and took a blanket around my legs. He rolled me out. I was scared and I knew he had changed my habits.


The dining room was big and I saw lots of others sat there and ate. They talked and they laughed. I hesitated over whether I really wanted to be there, but Niall didn't care. He rolled off me into a corner and signaled that they would come with the meal tray. I saw that everyone looked at me and I realized that everyone was surprised to see me. Niall worked purposefully and he put the tray down in front of me. I saw that I had received a smaller portion. 
"It's easier to eat when there's not too much food in front of you." he said and sat down next to me. I swallowed and looked away at all others. I saw some who sat and just stared at me. It felt awkward and I didn't like that they saw me.
"I wont feed you." Niall whispered and smiled at me. "And let the others just stare. They haven't seen such a sweet girl before." 
I looked at him and smiled weakly. I knew he did everything so that I would feel better. I looked down at the plate and saw the porridge. I saw the spoon and I knew he wanted me to try. 
"When I was little, I ate a lot of porridge." continued Niall. "I loved the breakfast and even to this day I eat a lot." 
I lifted the spoon and put it in the porridge. I caught up a bit on the spoon. I lifted it to my lips and tried not to show my disgust. I got it into his mouth and closed my eyes. Actually it tasted more than I thought. 
"You can do it." whispered Niall and I heard that he laughed lightly. "Isn't it really good and it tastes like sugar?"


I didn't eat much, but as Niall was careful to say. "Small steps at a time!" He rolled me back to the room and he made ​​sure I got into my bed. I was totally dull all over and I had been up more than ever. Niall put the blanket over my body and smiled at me. 
"I will come and help you to lunch then." 
I nodded slightly and watched him leave the room. Actually, I felt my stomach was happy and I felt my whole body got more energy. I smiled at the thought that Niall helped me and I felt myself slowly began to fall asleep.


I heard my mom's voice, and I looked around. I was back on the misty meadow and I just saw grass and the fog around me. 
"I'm here!" 
I heard she panicked and it rubbed off on me. 
"I can't see you, darling!" 
I just wanted to cry. 
"But Mom, I'm here." 
I began to move toward the voice. I started trotting and I wanted to come to her. 
"Momma, wait for me." 
I felt tears running down my cheeks and I ran as fast as I could. The grass was wet and I felt that my feet were cooled down. I felt panic rise and I didn't know what I should do.
"Momma don't sit in the aircraft." 
I ran and I felt how my strength almost ran out. My feet ached and I almost lost my breath. I ran over rocks and I ran past the tree. The fog was still dense. I heard the air plane and I heard the sound of its engine. 


I screamed, I cried and I didn't know where I was. I tried to get air, but I couldn't breathe. I knew I had woken up, but in front of me, I saw my mom's dead body, it was burning up. I wanted to remove the picture and I didn't want to feel all the emotions.


Someone gave me a syringe and slowly my body started to relax. I felt that someone was holding me tightly in the arms and someone tossing me back and forth. Was it mom? Was she back? I saw nothing in front of me, because I still cried. I just felt that the syringe did effect and I slowly switched off.
"I'm here! You don't need to be afraid!" 
I heard it was Niall. I swallowed and tried to calm my self down. I felt that he was holding me tightly and I felt that he continued to swing backward and forward. I sat on his lap, he held me and I had her head on his shoulder. My cheek was leaning against him, and I felt myself calmed down.


I continued to cry. I still felt safe in Nialls arms, but I couldn't stop crying. Niall rocked me and he didn't let me off. I began to regain consciousness, and I heard he hummed quietly on a melody. It wasn't a song by Elvis, it was a different song.


"I always dream the same dream." I whispered. Niall dropped a bit on the grip around me and he was listened. "Why do I see the aircraft overturn and explode into a thousand pieces? Why can't I dream normal dreams about dogs or about funny things. I don't want to see my parents die again."
"Is that why you always scream when you wake up?" 
I nodded. 
"I try not to fall asleep at night and I hate to sleep. Yet, I can't stay awake and I hate to dream." 
"Sandra, you have to start talking about what you feel. You dream because you collect everything inside and you show nothing outward."
I sobbed. 
"No one bothered to listen to me." 
"Well I do!"

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