I was awake long before the sun came up. There was no end to my nightmares and I cried in silence. Why did I always dreamed about that stupid air plane? Couldn't I just dream about birds or otherwise. I hated the fact that all my dreams ended in death. What was the point of dreaming when I knew the end? I hated the feelings in my body, when I woke up. I always got panic, I was always was sad and I always saw the dream in front of me.
"Rise and shine!"
I just wanted to scream straight out. She came into the room with a smile and she prepared everything. I watched her, she did the same thing all the time. I heard how she opened the window and I heard her put the chair where it would stand.
"You'll get a shower today."
I closed my eyes. I hated their fucking routines and I didn't want to get clean. I smelled not even sweat and I hardly needed to get ready for anything. Who cared about how I looked?
"Niall will help you."
I opened my eyes and was startled. She sighed lightly and looked at me.
"I don't know why, but he seems determined to get you started. I don't know what he sees in you? You neither want to live or die, but he says there's a spark left in you."
I don't know if I felt expectation or if it was because Niall cared. I was wide awake and I heard everything that happened in the hallway. Niall came into my room and he had the wheelchair with him. He also had towels and shampoo. I saw that he was in the same happy mood and he noted that I hadn't eaten any of the food. He sighed and smiled at me.
"You ought to actually taste the porridge. I love porridge and it's a shame to throw it away."
I frowned and chose to avoid him. It was okay that he forced me to be clean, but I didn't want to help with the food.
"You're so skinny and you should eat some."
I didn't care and put my lips together. Niall sighed and he sat down at the bedside. He pulled off my blanket and chose not to make a fuss about the food.
"I'll shower you today." he said and changed the subject. "I'm actually will make sure that you also get some order in your hair. I see that you don't comb your hair?"
No, I didn't care about my hair. Once upon a time, I had got a lot of hair. It had been thick and long. I had daily made sure I looked good on my head, but it was in my last life.
I don't know how Niall succeeded, but he put me in the wheelchair. He put the towels in my lap and he rolled me out of the room. I looked all the time down at the floor and I avoided looking at a single person. I felt so small and I could barely lift my head. I was too weak to bother.
"So you take her to the shower?" I heard one employee ask Niall. "Make sure you don't drop her. She has very weak bones."
Niall just sighed and I knew that he already knew about that part. He rolled me into the cold room. In the middle of the floor stood the tub and there was a shower hose hanging from the ceiling. I hated the room and I always froze when I got in there. Niall began to squirt warm water in the bathtub. He was determined and he smiled at me.
"I want you to sit where it's warm. Bathtub always cold."
I looked at him and smiled weakly. No one else had bothered about that part before, but he understand. He stood up and came over to me. He began cautiously to strip my clothes off and when I was naked, he frowned.
"You're too skinny, baby."
I balked. He called me baby? Niall lifted me up in his arms and put me down in the bathtub. He turned on the water and slowly began to wash me. It was the first time I was ashamed of how skinny I was. Slowly I looked down at my body and I understood why he reacted. I saw nothing but skin and bones. I had hardly any subcutaneous fat left and I looked pretty disgusting.
"You have to start eating." he whispered and looked at me. "I suffer when I see how you treat yourself."
I looked up and met his gaze. He seemed to mean every word and he tried to get me clean. I felt him gently took the soap over my body. He worked slowly and he took the shampoo in my hair. I felt how he then took water over me and he made sure to rinse me everywhere.
"Can't you promise me to eat some?"
I gulped and quickly shook my head. Niall hesitated before he continued. I chose to shut him out and I didn't want to hear more of his words.
I just felt emptiness when Niall put on clean clothes. He looked at me with sad eyes and gone was his smile. He was quiet and it was like he almost lost hope. I didn't bother and I could barely think straight. He did everything in order and then rolled me out of the room. I was surprised when he didn't take me back to bed. Instead, he rolled me through a long corridor, up through an elevator and into an office. I noted that it was the manager's room and Niall opened the door without knocking.
"What the?" I heard the manager say, but he stopped when he saw me. Niall wheeled me into the room and he was angry.
"Can't you see she's dying?" said he coldly. "You call this care? Nobody cares about her and everyone says I should give up hope."
"Yeah but she's actually been here for two years now. you don't know what happened before you came here?"
Niall didn't care.
"If you don't change, I will contact the newspapers, television and all who want to know how you do it here. I will tell the world that you allow patients to die and you can't even afford to spend money on them. I myself had to bring in the wheelchair for her and you don't even want to give her some help?"
Niall continued to almost yell at him. He mentioned the food, I got everything on a tray but no one cared if I ate or not. He said I hadn't been outside the room in two years because no one cared. It was then I realized the truth. Niall really wanted to help me and he was on my side. I heard how he scolded the manager and I heard how he told the truth about everything.
Niall almost cried when he rolled me into the room. He made sure I came in and he then closed the door behind us. He put the chair in front of me and sat down on it. He took my hands and looked straight into my eyes.
"None of this that happened is your fault." he whispered, and I saw he had been crying, and that he had hidden it from me. "I just get so angry when they want to make money on sick people, but they provide they don't care. When I came here they said that I wouldn't bother me about you, but I care."
I just wanted to hug him, but my body resisted. He swallowed and I saw that he did everything to calm down.
"I intend to make changes here and I'll make sure you don't die. I promise to help you with all my heart, but you must allow me to help you."
I swallowed and I chose to nod. I smiled weakly, as he was the first who showed empathy for me. Niall smiled and dropped my hands. He swallowed and I could see that he was thinking.
"So little food in your stomach?"
I wanted to say no, and he saw it. Directly he laughed lightly and blushed.
"I know I require a lot from you, but small progress will be great in the future. We start with little and then comes the rest."
I couldn't help but smile. It felt good that he tried to understand me, though I hadn't said anything. He took a deep breath and he tried to collect himself.
"Maybe we should open the door?" he whispered and laughed a little bit. "They may think we're doing something more than talking in here?"
I blushed. I realized it was a long time ago a guy had talked to me like that and he still showed that he cared. I couldn't help but feel how it tingled in my stomach and I knew that this was the beginning of something new.