Niall continued to visit me when I least expected it. I still said nothing and I stayed in bed. It felt safest to continue to be as I always had been. I didn't want to talk to him. It was enough to hear his voice and he spoke even though I wasn't looking at him. Somehow, I liked to hear him and I liked that he was in the room.
One day Niall brought a guitar and came into my room. I followed him with my eyes and noted that he sat and played quietly on it. In the doorway there appeared prying eyes and I heard how others whispered and talked. Niall smiled and right as it was, he looked at me.
"I don't know if you have a favourite song, but I will sing for you anyway."
I swallowed and tried not to show anything. Niall began to play on the guitar and he did it good. I heard his voice and directly, I must admit, I loved his singing voice more than his voice. Okay, maybe not, but I felt that he could sing. All thronged outside my door to listen and I peeked out on them. I felt none of those who were there, but I saw that they were curious and they wouldn't let Niall go with their eyes. So it was more than I who liked him? I let my eyes drift back at him and I noticed he just looked at me. His eyes shone with excitement and I could hear that he really liked to sing and play the guitar.
"So what do you like?" Niall asked me. I didn't answer and heard how everyone else gave suggestions for songs. Niall laughed a little bit and looked at them.
"I didn't ask you guys?"
"But she never says anything!" I heard someone answer him and I agreed. I was silent, I was the one who didn't want to talk and I saw the disappointment in Nialls eyes. He leaned slightly toward me and seemed almost hope for a single word.
"Like calm songs?"
I wanted to shake my head, but I didn't succeed. Niall smiled and he let me not go with his eyes.
"I can wait all day for a response." he whispered mischievous. "I have patience and I can manage to just stare at a wall, if that are needed. So what do you say?"
I don't know why but he managed to make me smile. Niall made no big deal of it, and continued to look into my eyes with a smile. He raised one eyebrow, and put on all the charm he had.
"Do you like songs that go a little faster?"
I broke my promise to myself and I nodded weakly. He lit up like the sun and directly he began to play an Elvis song. He put on a smirk and he was trying to sound like The King. Everyone laughed, but I felt a great emptiness that showed up. Same song, had my dad once sung in the car. I felt how the tears came and I closed my eyes. Directly he stopped playing and I heard that he put down the guitar. He walked over to the bed and I felt an arm around my weak body.
"Sorry, I chose some wrong tune?" He then turned his head to the others. "Can you be so kind and leave us alone?"
I opened my eyes and saw all disappeared quickly. Niall looked back at me and this time he was serious.
"Sorry I chose wrong!"
I saw at him that he meant every word, and he sat down on the floor. He still held his arm was around me and he let me not go with his eyes. I wished I could tell him why I was crying, but I didn't. I couldn't! I cried in silence and I didn't get a sound out of my mouth.
"It's okay to cry." he whispered tenderly. "That means there's something in your heart and that you care about your feelings."
Niall was the first person who saw me crying and I think he knew about it, for a fact. Everyone else seemed to think I didn't feel a single thing in my body, but the truth was something else. I felt all at once. I hated to feel emotions and I just wanted to shut them out. It was easier to be an empty shell and not caring.
"I wont choose a single Elvis song again."
I nodded weakly and felt my heart almost burst.
"Dad ..." I whispered gently. "Dad loved Elvis."
Still Niall seemed not to care about my progress. He made no big deal out of it, this time either. He looked at me and he didn't let go of my eyes.
"Your father had good taste?" he whispered and smiled weakly. "I promise to play something else for you next time."
I nodded and swallowed.
Why was it Niall who I talked to or tried to talk to? I don't know! Maybe it was his eyes or maybe it was his smile? I just knew that he made me feel a little better and he didn't obligate me. He let me be and he came gently into my bubble. He wasn't like everyone else and he wasn't a doctor or a psychologist. He was just himself.
In the evening came Niall back to me and he sat down on the edge of the bed. He saw that I was awake and I felt his arm over the quilt. He smiled with his whole face and I liked his eyes even more.
"I have no banana today." he said and played a little sad about that comment. He laughed lightly and instead he picked up an apple. He laid it on the pillow and smiled at me.
"They have apple trees in the yard and I stole an apple for just you."
I saw that it was a red and ripe apple. Again he talked then about fruit?
"You get to eat it." he whispered, as if I didn't know about it. "Or maybe you'll save it for another time?"
I looked at him again and smiled weakly. Niall laughed lightly and looked at his wristwatch. He nodded with satisfaction and looked at me again.
"I'm going home now, but I'm back tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure you were okay!"
I was surprised. Why did he wanted to know how I was feeling?
"If you feel like it, I can bring a wheelchair to you? I heard they couldn't afford any, but I'll borrow one at the hospital."
I frowned and I didn't want to leave the room. Niall saw my reaction and he raised his eyebrows.
"I never said you have to sit in it?"
Okay, there he told me the truth, but I was able to put together what he planned. I shook my head to make him understand.
"I know!" he whispered lightly. "You want to stay in bed, but I will still bring in a wheelchair and you don't have to use it if you don't want to, then it may simply gather dust."
I saw the rocks in front of me and I stood on the edge. The sea lay before me and I saw the high waves. It was as if I was waiting for something or someone. I couldn't guess what it was that was coming. I looked around, but there were no trees, no people, just a simple clip with stone. Far away I heard my dad's voice and he was talking to someone. I tried to guess where the voice came from, but I couldn't. I could feel my heart pounding faster and I felt that the panic come.
"Where are you?" I screamed out loud. No one answered and I heard only the echo of my voice. I wanted to see him and I wanted him to hear me. I wanted my parents to appear. I heard the sound of an air plane and I realized the end was coming closer. I looked up at the sky and I tried to see it. Yet I saw only clouds and the sound came closer and closer. I felt more panic, I felt anxiety coming and I knew that they would die.