5. Chapter 5
Sometimes I just want to make an end to this nightmare I'm living in.
Today I feel worse. These thoughts are haunting me. I skipped dinner. Pathetic. I'm so lost in my thoughts there's like no escape. The monsters aren't living under my bed there in my head. I drown my thoughts out with music. "I'm just a would of been, could of been, should of been, Never was and never ever will be" bring me the horizon is my nirvana for a little while until the distraction is over.
I can't handle my self anymore. I get up and lock my door. I sit at the edge of my bed. Tonight can be my last night. There's a letter I've been meaning to write it goes a little like this " Dear family and friends who love me, I'm sorry. This world is horrible. It all started with a scratch from a safety pin that's where it started. If your reading this than I've gone to far. I'm lost. I guess I couldn't find my way back home anymore. I'm sorry."
I want to stay to be here for my little brother but I can't do that when these voices a re controlling me. I'm like a puppet.
I want this pain to stop. I spot a bottle of pills that claim to kill pain. I shouldn't do it. But I long for the feeling of not feeling at all.
I can't do it! I hear my own voice in my head trying to yell over the monsters in my head. "Help! Help! Help!" But there's no one there. No one hears me. I'm alone.... I'm sorry
I take all of them.
I'm sorry Harry.
Waiting for them to kick in.
Today my friend michael came over. His last name is funny I guess "clifford". He self harms. I'm anxious to ask him why. Everyone has a reason to self harm. But why him, he seems happy and not alone. But then again I do too. To be honest I'm alone scared cold and lost in my thoughts. These monsters won't leave me alone until they get what they want.......for me to be dead.
Why don't I listen to people, why don't I just leave already?
-4/1/10 Ashton Irwin