13. Chapter 13
When I'm gone I don't want to be remembered as the depressed pathetic little boy.
It's just that no one will ever understand my pain. No one will ever really know what I went through. I'm tired because I can't solve world problems. I've been so nice to everyone. I'm not the one too hurt any one. I am the one there for them when there down. But when is someone going to be there for me. I have beautiful friends that I do appreciate and love. But they truly never know why I left. I'm in so much pain it hurts me to breathe fresh air mentally. I don't want to wake up anymore. I want to leave but what about the ones that love me. I am a ticking time bomb. I don't share much and don't say much either. But when I do everyone will think of me as a stranger. The ones who thought they knew me. Well they didn't ,not even close. I'm sorry but I'm not the type of person to share my stories but if I did your lucky and I guess your special to me. When my loved ones find this journal you'll know my true pain and colors. Who I loved. Who I missed. Who I really am. What I really felt. And my days from now on are numbered. I'm truly sorry.
My monsters love me till death and will do anything. Like I said i am tired of fighting a useless war if I will never win. Tonight I'm letting my demons take me. Hopefully tonight will be my last. I will be taken to my destination which is my own created shadowland. Where I deserve to be hopeless and terrified every minute of every day I am there. I deserve to be treated this way if I let my demons control me.
I love you.
-5/24/10 Ashton Irwin