I didn't know how long I'd been laying there like this, with closed eyes, trying to fall asleep, but it never came. After having tried emptying my mind, counting until 100 and singing silently all the lullabies I knew, I gave up and got out of bed. I didn't know what I was doing first, I only followed my feet, but when I reached Caleb's room... Caleb's old room door, my mind seemed to catch up with my body. I was here to prove my theory. I was here to torture myself a bit more.
I entered the room and scouted around, gauging where he could have hidden books. For my gain for once there weren't too many things in the cramped room, as it was common with Abnegation rooms. We couldn't have anything that wasn't useful and so we usually only had a bed, grey, dull and mostly too small often causing a decent back-ache especially to someone as tall as my brother, a desk, and a bureau which also served as a nightstand with a small lamp on it because if it could be solved this way why would we need to have another piece of furniture?
First, I walked up to the ancient oak desk standing across the bed, which he had inherited from our father who inherited it from his father and so on through many generations. Although it had already been deteriorating, wobbling slightly every time somebody pushed it or put on or removed books from it, it was still in a fair kilter, withstanding the trials of men from their first day of school until the day they drifted away to their final peace.
There were books on it now, too, where Caleb left them yesterday evening, on our last day of school. It was only a day ago, yet it seemed very distant, as though it had been a lifetime ago. A life ago, I corrected.
I searched through the pile for something that didn't belong to our school studies, but found nothing. Then it occurred to me that why would he display a secret like that? So I moved on to the bed, which seemed quite a good hiding place. I looked under the pillow, the bed, the sheets, but came back with nothing. I almost gave up and resigned with utter relief that I had been just paranoid, when an edge of a book peeking out from behind the bureau caught my eyes. It was a pale blue one, probably really old and has been read by many different people as it was weathered and scrappy. This must be it, I thought picking it up. Big calligraphy read 'The Secrets of Quantum Physics'. I didn't need any more proof. I put it back where it was as if nobody had touched it, walked back to my room and lay back into the bed. Once again today I felt numb.