When I pulled up to Starbucks I turned the car off & took a deep breath
The paparazzi was already here. great, so Austin must already be here too
When I walked to the door, the attention was unbearable.
I knew this would be a bad idea
I walked in & saw Austin sitting at a table
I walked to him & he stood up greeting me with a hug
"hi" I said sitting down
"hi" he smiled
"you wanted to meet because?"
"we need to talk"
"austin, for christ's sake, how many times do I have to tell you there isn't an us anymore"
"you keep saying that, but you're lying"
"no I'm not."
"then why are you being so defensive?"
"because you won't get it through your head"
"just tell me 1 thing"
"if I didn't cheat, would we still be together"
I took a deep breath "yes"
"Megan. we will always be a huge part of each other's lives, whether you believe it or not"
"I know that"
"then why do you keep running away from me?"
"because you broke me Austin! you fucking took my heart and broke it in half"
"you seem to be fine with Justin"
"what are you saying?"
"you never loved me. you keep saying its my fault all the time. well what about you. You didn't use me?"
"I had no reason to ever use you. what the fuck makes you think that?"
"the more & more I thought about our relationship.... when we were 14"
"don't be ridiculous"
"I'm being serious"
I rolled my eyes
"let me ask you something"
"why'd you cheat?"
"I don't know"
"yes you do"
"I don't know.. I really don't. I was stupid"
I chuckled "I coulda told you that"
"have you told Justin?"
"about?" I was now confused
I knew exactly what he was talking about & it broke my heart to pieces
"no" I said quietly "some of it. but not all"
"it's not an easy thing to talk about Austin"
he nodded his head
"so we done here?" I asked
"1 more question"
"and that would be?"
"so for the teen concert thing. I'm performing Banga Banga. and I was thinking, since you helped me write it.... that you could dance with me to it?"
"I'll think about it" I smiled
"friends?" we stood up
"friends." I slightly smiled
He tried to give me a hug, but I put my hand out for a handshake
Justin came home from the studio & he was really tired. luckily I made him dinner
"this is so good baby" he smiled
"I'm glad you like it"
"I saw you were with Austin today"
I gulped "yea. for a little bit"
"he texted me asking to meet up to talk"
"he wants me to dance on stage with him at the concert thing"
"did you say yes?"
"I said i'll think about it"
"so you're just gonna let him back in your life just like that?"
"Justin, it's more complicated than that"
"more complicated than what?"
"no one will understand. okay? please just drop it"
"you haven't given me the chance to try and understand!"
"Justin, please just trust me on this"
"whatever" he stood up "thanks for dinner" then walked away
I put my face in my hands & sobbed
how the fuck did I manage to mess up again?
I am so miserable
the "secret" Austin & I have... I can't talk about. Justin won't understand. no one will.
Of course our families know, but don't get me wrong. I love Justin to absolute death, but if I tell him about it & we break up or something.. he will have that part of me that I never want to remember
I couldn't take this anymore
I got up & walked to the living room where Justin was staring at the wall
"can I talk to you?" I asked
he said nothing
I sat across from him
"please look at me" I begged
he looked at me
"I want to tell you"
"then tell me"
"I'm not ready to talk about it yet"
he nodded his head & patted the seat next to him where I gladly sat
"I promise, when you're ready, I will be here to listen & I'm going to try my best to understand"
"I love you so much" I put my hand on his
"I love you princess." he put my hand up to his lips & kissed it
Justin & I are watching Jazzy & Jaxon today
We decided to go to chuckie cheese
the kids were having a blast
seeing them having so much fun made me think about Justin & I having children & I think he noticed I was in deep thought
"so we've never like talked about kids" he cleared his throat
I turned my head so I was facing him "I want so many"
"really?" he looked surprised
"yes." I laughed "how about you?"
"a lot" he laughed "biebers running all ova da place"
"biebers are gonna end up running the world" we laughed
"Justin?" after we dropped the kids off at Jeremy & Pattie's, we went back to Justin's and we were currently laying cuddled up on his bed
"yes?" he turned to look at me
"do you ever like wonder about our future and stuff?"
"we've already talked about this"
"I know" I sat up "I just think about it a lot"
"I do too"
"what... what if we don't last?"
"don't think about that... wait, are you planning to break up with me?"
"no" I chuckled "if we ever break up, you're gonna have to break up with me"
"not happening. so I guess you're stuck with me forever" he cheesed
"it's just like that we haven't even been dating THAT long, and it seems like we just argue about things that don't matter... like what if it becomes to much?"
"baby, we argue because we care. if we didn't argue, THEN I would be worried"
"I love you"
"I love you too. but I have an idea"
"what?" I was confused
he got up & walked somewhere, but soon came back with 2 sheets of filler paper & 2 pens
"what is this?"
"so. IF we ever get into a big big BIG fight, that we won't make up on. we will read these. Basically we right each other a love note, or whatever you want to call it so that if we "lose feelings" or something that happens in unforgivable whatever the hell people call it, we can read it & it will bring us back together. I love you & I never want to lose you"
hey guys. okay, so the next chapter will be very goooood ;) I promise. I wanted to get an update out because I'm going to be busy the next few days so yeah. anyway I am planning only 11 more chapters to this book. so that means that at chapter 50 this book will be over.
that being said, I might make a sequal or I might not, it depends about how I end the book. I change my mind a lot, so yeah. but please let me know in the upcoming chapters if I should do a sequal or not
So so soooo sorry for the boring chapter
in the next 2 chapters, you will be finding out Megan & Austin's secret & I promise you won't expect it
much love. xoxo