Madison, Ariana and I woke up around noon
Ariana was going on a date with Jai & Madison with Austin later today.. so of course I'm alone. lol
"Megan forreal, just come with us" Madison pleaded
"no, it's a double date.. plus I'll feel awkward by myself"
"we will get you a date" Ariana suggested
"to late" Madison laughed at her phone
I took it from her and read the tweet she just sent
@madisonbeer: double date tonight w @austinmahone @arianagrande @jaibrooks && @meganwilliams, but she needs a hot date. any takers ? ;)
@meganwilliams: @madisonbeer how many times do I have to tell you I'm not goiiiinnnng
@madisonbeer: @meganwilliams obviously not enough because me & ari are forcing you
@meganwilliams : @madisonbeer no I'll be by myself it will be weird. I'm staying home haha
"GUYYS! OMG LOOK!" Ariana screamed
we walked over and looked at her phone
@justinbieber: need something to do tonight
@justinbieber: I'll be your "hot date?" ;)
oh my god
"no" I said "doesn't he have to be hot to be my hot date?"
the girls laughed
@arianagrande: meggg's got the jokeess @meganwilliams
"MEG! come on! It won't be fun without youu" Madison was practically begging now
"fine. I'll go. alone"
"YAYAYAAYYAYAYAYAAAY" they both jumped up and down
"5 tickets for Neighbors" Austin told the guy at the movie stand
"I have my own money" I said
"don't worrry about it" he winked
After we got all the candy, popcorn and drinks. we went into the theater
Ariana and Jai sat in the middle row & Madison and Austin sat a few rows in front
me.. I sat in the back
I really didn't understand why I had to be here, honestly. Seeing them being all lovey dovey just reminded me about Justin... how much I missed him
I shouldn't have acted the way I did, we aren't even dating. I overreacted and I just hope I didn't lose my best friend.
But he wasn't just my best friend anymore, he was my life.. the love of my life
no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be mad at him right now
I just wanted to run over to his house and have him hold me as we cuddled on the couch and tell each other how much we love one another. but I couldn't do that.. he's with her now and the thought of seeing them together, doing what we used to do makes me sick to my stomach.
That should be me with him, but it's not.. it's her
The movie was hilarious. the 4 of them went out to dinner, I told them I wasn't feeling well. Madison and Ariana wanted to stay with me, but I wanted to be alone
I stayed at a hotel tonight, and I'm catching a flight back home tomorrow, a day earlier than I was supposed to, but things change
I felt so desperate
sitting on the hotel couch with a carton of Ben & Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in Justin's sweatshirt and in my thongs
no one else was here so aye no pants
I was watching ENews, frankly because I was to lazy... to tired to get up and turn the station... or find the remote
They were talking about the latest drama blah blah blah
when they began talking about me and Justin... yet again I was pissed
Just let me live my own fucking life. I don't care about your opinion
I walked away from the tv and went to the bathroom.. not because I had to pee, but because I needed to look myself in the eyes
I looked in the mirror and saw nothing I liked
just a few weeks ago, I never felt more beautiful
now, I've lost a little weight
I didn't see the sparkle in my eye anymore.. it looked as if I looked plain out depressed
I looked desperate, humiliated, sad, angry.. the list goes on.. but it's only negative
was I not good enough for Justin?
did he just become bored with me like Austin did?
Did I just do this to myself?
Why do I not feel beautiful anymore?
Why can't I be happy?
Just because Justin isn't with me... why can't I be okay without him?
I was fine in life before I met him, I'll be fine after.. right?
He moved on fast.. I can too.. right?
or what if he didn't really move on? what if everything was a lie?
was this some joke?
I'm not happy... why can't I just be happy...
But the truth is... he's become my happiness and that's exactly what I was afraid would happen
interactions lead to interdependence
We spent almost every second we could with each other
At first we were acquiantances, then friends... best friends.. friends with benefits.. and now lovers... but with out the title
I've become so reliant of him being around that I have pushed all my emotions to the back of my head so I don't have to deal with them.. I don't know how to live without him
but this is what I couldn't just walk away from now. I needed Justin here with me.. right now
He was constantly telling me how beautiful I was and he didn't look at my flaws as flaws, but as what made me who I was
I am so insecure, but when I'm with him, I forget them... because I'm just me.
but I'm not with him.. I'm here.. alone trapped in my ugly thoughts
Tears were running down my face
I walked back to the couch & my phone was on 5%
I sighed. I don't care anymore. I'm just going to let it die
I didn't wanna be with anyone.. I didn't want anyone to see me like this.. I want to be alone
..I feel like I want to be alone, but in the back of my mind I want Justin to find me.. to pick me up in his arms and kiss me.. tell me it wasn't real and he loves me, not her
but I know that won't happen.. he's with her doing God knows what.. and it kills me
I arrived home 2 nights ago & we've been doing non stop packing.. because WE'RE GOING TO ITALY TOMORROW!!
I am beyond excited
I sat on my seat in the plane.. not looking forward to this 15 hour flight
I looked at the empty seat next to me.. and sighed. Justin should be here....
but his new girl is his new priority now.. I'm nothing & I don't blame him, she's gorgeous
I wish he was here with me.. to make this flight a little less miserable
I haven't talked to him since the day after prom when I went to get clothes for Madison's
it really hurt he hasn't checked up on me or anything...
15 hours later the plane landed
I was here... in beautiful Italy
this was going to be the best birthday present ever
@meganwilliams: ITALY <3
we arrived at this condo looking thing which we rented out for the 12 days we are here
the first 2 days we decided to just chill and walk around, it was kinda just do whatever you want.. laid back.. which was perfect
tomorrow is my birthday... I can't believe I am going to be 19!
"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear meggy. happy birthday to you" my family woke me up with breakfast in bed and singing to me
it was so cute
"thank you" I sat up and smiled
I was surrounded by people who loved me...
my mom, dad, cameron & his girlfriend, and dylan & his new girlfriend
it wasn't much, but it meant more than anything
"today is a free day. we are starting activities and everything tomorrow. Megan, we have dinner reservations at 5 at the restaurant next door to the hotel" my dad smiled
"okay" I replied with a smile
I showered and took my time getting ready
My mom and I went to a few shops to look around and I fond a beautiful long sundress which I will wear for dinner
it was 4:45 and I was waiting for my family so we could go to dinner. my mom had gone with my dad to some wine tasting so I finished going to shops alone
my dad texted me
hey princess. your mom and I are running a little late, we will be there soon. go to the restaurant, the table is under Williams. love you
I got to the restaurant
"uhm reservation for Williams? the rest will be here soon" I said
the lady looked at me and smiled very big
"you're a lucky lady" she cheesed even more
"um thank you?" I said confused
She put down the menu that she had previously picked up when I came in
"I don't get a menu?"
she escorted me to the patio.. why would my dad make a reservation outside?
"your table miss" she motioned me to sit down
"this is a table for 2? I'm here with a party of 7"
she smiled and walked away as if she didn't care what I just said
this clearly isn't enough
I looked around and the patio was decorated beautifully, the sun was quite not setting yet, but it is a beautiful scene.
I looked at the table
there was 1 candle in the middle lit.. it was cute
I sighed and decided to call my dad
it rang 3 times but then he sent me to voicemail.. ouch
I sat back in the chair and began to close my eyes when I saw
"Justin" my eyes shot open
"happy birthday" he walked closer
he was in a black tux and was holding a red rose
he handed to me and then pulled me into a hug
"you did all of this?"
"yea" he said in my ear
I let go and we both sat down and began eating the lasagna
"we have a lot to talk about" he said taking a sip of water
"well first of all.. we've missed a week of each other's lives.. and second.. there is something that was misunderstood"
"and what would the misunderstanding be?"
"I understand completely... you're happy"
"you're dating her though"
"we aren't..never were, never will"
"but I saw on insta-"
"it was fake. okay, so I will admit I lied about where I was going in the note but you will find out why later... so. me and Yovanna were just hanging out and she like asked to use my phone to edit her contact name and post the picture off us on instagram. So I went to the bathroom and she gave me my phone back & I didn't think of it as anything. we were hanging out and her sister came home and I guess she's a fan of me. So she stood in the middle of us and we both kissed her cheek (he showed me the picture) but the picture she put on instagram of us kissing.. is photoshopped with her sister out of it. we never kissed. long story short, after you said congratulations, I was very confused all night and she was getting annoyed. I watched your livestream.. not live, but a belieber recorded it and that's what I watched... then I realized when I went to the bathroom, that's when she deleted all our pictures... I'm so sorry.. for everything.. I had no idea"
"it's okay.. you don't need to apologize.. Justin, either way..we weren't together, you could do whatever you want. but thank you"
"so are we good?"
"we're always good"
We finished dinner
"thank you for an amazing dinner"
"anytime... but what you think tonight's over? it's just getting started"
I laughed "lead the way"
"you wanna know what I've always wanted to do?" he asked
"dance with no music on"
I looked at him and laughed
"Justin... really? it's not that hard"
he took my hand and we both began signing (Can I have this dance from High School Musical 3)
we danced around the magical patio
it was perfect
It was 11:15 when we left the restaurant
"a boat.. really Justin?"
He took my hand and helped me get into this little boat it was about medium sized I guess
The driver of the boat started up the engine and we went on a boat ride
almost an hour later we were close to going under a bridge
"you guys know, this is the love bridge.. if you kiss while under it, your love will last forever" he told us
We looked at each other and smiled
"will you take our picture while we go under?" Justin handed him his phone
"of course.. young love" he smiled
we went under the bridge and Justin and I kissed the whole time
"uhm.. guys, we've passed the bridge"
Justin and I let go and let out a chuckle "thanks" he said receiving his phone
We looked at the picture and it was absolutely perfect.. easily my favorite picture ever
you could see the bridge, the lights.. background everything
then we saw the selfie the driver took
"nice selfie" I laughed
"thank you" he winked
Justin's clock read 12:30 am. my birthday is officially over. wooww.. we've been gone for a while
Justin pulled out a black box from his pocket
and opened it.. it was a ring.. pretty sure my heart stopped
"it's not en engagement ring.. don't worry" he smiled
that calmed me down.. thank god
"but.. I do have to ask you something"
he fumbled around with the ring & my heart was beating 100 miles an hour
"this is a promise ring... Megan Elizabeth Williams, will you please give me the honor of having you as my girlfriend?"