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Abnegation, Erudite and...Dauntless.
How is that possible?
"People who gets these kind of results are..." Tori, my aptitude tester, says, quietly as if a whisper. According to the test, my results are inconclusive, and only two factions were cut out, leaving Abnegation, Erudite and Dauntless. I've always admired Dauntless, as they run and laugh and screech with freedom through the bitterness of our controlled lives. Everyone knows where they belong, except me.
Tori twist her head, looking behind her, checking if anyone is there, eavesdropping. "...They call it Divergent." The last words strikes me like the words, drop dead! Her quiet but tensely spoken words worry me. Divergent? What does that even mean?
"Beatrice," I hear my name, "under no circumstances should you share that information with anyone. This is very important.
"We're not supposed to share our test results. I know that." I agree, my face filled with nothing but blankness.
"No." Her face tense and almost startled. "This is different. I don't mean you shouldn't share them now. I mean you should never share them with anyone, ever, no matter what happens. Divergence is extremely dangerous. You understand?"
I nod with fake agreement. How could I understand; how could inconclusive results be dangerous?
"I suggest." Says Tori, breaking through the confusing silence, with her now medium volume and neutral tone. "That you go home; you have a lot of thinking to do, and waiting with the others will not benefit you."
"But I have to tell my brother." I reply, thinking of Caleb, my brother, whom I know will get Abnegation results.
"I'll tell him." Tori answer. I make my way out the door and think of the Choosing Ceremony, tomorrow. Inconclusive test results. Abnegation, Erudite, Dauntless. Divergent.
An evening of my cooking and selfish thinking-definitely not abnegation-bubbles inside of me, in the morning. It's the Choosing Ceremony, today. Regardless of my results, I have to think of myself now, of the faction I will choose. I sigh in agony, not because of physical pain. Dark circles surround my eyes, and my eyelids are a pearly white and veiny, showing I didn't get enough sleep last night. And judging from Caleb's expressions, neither did he. I remember his words last night, that he gave me, "We should think of the family...But. But we must also think of ourselves." Think of ourselves. That's exactly the thing I've been doing. I must choose the faction that may never find out about my Divergence. Erudite are bound to find out and so are Dauntless and definitely Candor.
At the Choosing Ceremony, names I identify cling to my memory as they are called one by one before the individual slices it's hand with the knife and places it's hand over it's selected faction bowl, waiting for the blood to drop into the faction's represented element: Water for Erudite, lit coals for Dauntless, pebbles for Abnegation, soil for Amity and glass for Candor.
I recall Caleb's advice and wonder whether it was aimed for me or for him. Caleb hasn't ever thought about himself, like that. His main characteristic is being selfless and by as far as I can remember, he has stuck to that rule. Me, however, I am not selfless but I do blame selfishness; I do. I have to choose Abnegation, I can't imagine myself anywhere else. I'll be with my mother and father and Caleb, if I do. But it is Faction before blood. I have to trust that. I have to follow that rule.
My heart pounds after every second passes, after every person finishes choosing, transferring. Will I be a transfer? No. I will be abnegation. I will. I must. They won't find out...it think.
My heart skips a beat after I hear my brother's name. Caleb Prior. He shuffles through the seated people and shakily, edges toward the knife. I watch his every move. He knows what he's doing. Dragging the sharp bladed knife across his hands, he jerks his head towards Abnegation and then Erudite. What is he doing? His arm stretches out, his hand above a bowl. I watch, on the edge of my seat, gripping the plastic of the chair. The droplet of rich, red blood falls into the clear bowl of water, colouring the liquid. Erudite. He was talking about himself, when he gave me the "advice". My brother transferred to Erudite. How could he? Abnegation's rivals. Mother's face stays into an expected shocked expression but compared to my father's, it's by far not as startling. The loud applaud of Erudite deafens me for a split second until the cheer dies down.
"Beatrice Prior." I hear my name. I make my way to the table of the bowls. I slice my hand, wincing with pain, and pause for what seems like minutes but only seconds, to look at my options. Not Erudite, not Dauntless, not Candor. Abnegation. I walk over to a bowl. A quick thought slips into my head and I alter my movement. I rise my hand above a bowl. The droplet of blood drops, slowly in my vision, down and down. I watch it sink into the dark, soft soil.
I focus upon the loud applaud of Amity and watch their faces, kind, caring, loving. Then, as I walk to my new faction, I look at my mother and father. Speechless and lost.
Amity will never find out. Mother and Father are in Abnegation, they will find out about my real aptitude results. Amity, on the other hand, will not. There are no suspicions there and cannot force it out of me. At least I think.
But, even if I am now Amity, I am also something else.
After the Choosing Ceremony is over, our faction, Amity, is led to the Amity headquarters. It isn't filled with fun like running and jumping out of trains like the Dauntless. Which is where I would love to be, right now. Abnegation and Dauntless take their route down the stairs, as always, and we, along with Candor and Erudite, take the elevators.
Sensibly and peacefully, we walk in an orderly but fair fashion, on our way to the tall building-the Amity headquarters.
Most of the transfers and Amity-born are smiling, introducing themselves. Me, I'm walking, quietly, excluding everyone from my thoughts. I screwed up my choosing. I do not belong. But where do I belong? I am not selfless, honest or kind. I can't be sure on intelligent but I am brave. Why didn't I pick Dauntless? They would've figured me out. I would be dead. It doesn't matter; Amity won't find out.
A dauntless girl, beside me, remains quiet, too. Until I notice her eyes pointing at me. I twist my head, slightly, getting a glimpse of her appearance. She has milky coffee coloured skin and as we walk, she keeps looking forward and back on me. He chocolate brown hair bounces in curls and it matches her gorgeous eyes. Obviously, she is not afraid of staring at someone for an awkward amount of time.
"Hi..." My mouth opens to speak. The girl smiles.
"Hey." She answers, finally looking forwards, "Abnegation, eh?" She smirks.
"So what?" My throat tightening.
"Nothing. It's just they're so...difficult, I guess." She chuckles for a bit, "not in that rude way. I'm not like those Dauntless. I've always admired how selfless you people can get. I mean, how can you not think about yourself, ever?" I don't reply, and she looks at me, again. "I can see why you left."
I'm not the only Abnegation transfer. I see quite a few but I know I'm the only one with a complete different reason for my transfer.
Arriving to the Amity headquarters was like escaping out of the city and entering the land behind the fences, further from the Amity farms. But it wasn't because it was lost without colour or blank or dull or scary, it was because it was different, new, strange to me.
People waved and smiled at us, making eye contact with everyone of us. I should hold the contact and pretend but I look away, immediately.
I have to live my life being kind, caring, loving. Peaceful. Peaceful; they can't see through my lies, my locked secrets; my Divergence.