The Struggle to Rise


5. Struggle to Let Go of the Past

If you haven't read the chapter called, "Anchors of Love" then don't read this yet. Read it first then read this chapter. This chapter is about the guy my girlfriend loved and how it still affects me.




Ever since Savanna and the guy Ben met, I've been in a deep depression. I had a tough time letting go of the past. I stay up all night thinking about why she did that. I tried treating her like a queen. I tried so hard! But he was perfect. He could play the guitar better than me and he could sing better. He played the guitar and sang to her. He made her feel special. But I couldn't :/. I'm a loser. Anyways, I was angry at that point of time and we would always argue. That's why she left. I feel into deep depression. I always ask myself why she did that. I was trying so hard to show her my love! But all that effort was wasted :/. Every time she would post something on Facebook about him, I would get jealous and sometimes cry. Those 2 months were very hard on me :/ they were the hardest months. I.. attempted suicide 5 times or so during those months. One time was almost successful, but... I don't want to talk about it..I self harmed a lot. I carved a broken heart in my chest. Also, I was told by people that she let him reach up her shirt and feel her breasts days before we broke up. I don't know if that was true, but I really hope it wasn't. My heart was made of glass. She 'tattered it and burned the glass. But she didn't want to. She still loved me and I still loved her. She had to because she was being hurt by me. From the arguing and all. I wanted her happy, so I accepted what happened. If he made her happy, then I didn't want to take that happiness from her. 


Do you know how hard it is to let someone you loved so much go with someone else? It's very hard. Please know that. Heartbreak is hurtful. I still get depressed and angry about what happened. I won't be able to get over the past for a while...

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