"Hey Kell," Katelynn smiles half-heartedly.
I stare blindly at her in shock, my mind has no time to register what the fuck is happening because it's too clouded with thoughts of pure hatred. This whore has a lot of nerve coming on my doorstep and standing here like everything's all fine and dandy. She looks older from when I last saw her, she doesn't have that child-like look in her face and eyes. Only a cold, dead stare that lingers awkwardly in the air, her face has been worn down with age, she doesn't look eighteen, she looks more like thirty. Even a blind man could clearly see this woman has been through hell and back. It doesn't matter though, she has came too late. Cope is gone, only three years of life she was granted, and those were spent without her mother. Katelynn wanted nothing to do with my little girl, so I had to play the role of the mother and father also.
"Where's the baby?" she asks.
"You don't even know her name do you?" I hiss through clenched teeth.
No answer. She only jams her thumbs into her jean pockets quietly, looking down at the ground with no intention of replying. She's lucky I don't slap her.
"You're far too late," I growl.
She converts her eyes away and peers into the house, trying to see where Copeland is. Instead of anger, I feel pain, remembering all the times Cope would run around the house dragging her ladybug pillow pet everywhere she went.
"What do you mean by far too late?" she mumbles in confusion.
"She's dead," I try and say firmly, instead my voice starts to crack up.
A look of relief fills Katelynn's eyes, which pisses me off more than ever before. Katelynn never wanted children, and tried to kill off Cope a few times while she was pregnant with her. If it wasn't for me then Cope would've never taken her first breath, I may have only been fifteen, but I still did my best at preventing Kate from doing these deadly things. Of course I didn't want to be a father at fifteen, I was only a kid and still am only a kid, just a very mature one. I wasn't and am not as heartless as Kate though, I made a mistake and I had to take responsibility for it. When Cope was born I never regretted it though, she was all the family I had. My parents kicked me out when my daughter came into this fucked up world, just because they didn't want a baby crying all day everyday, keeping them up all night and annoying the shit out of them.
"I missed you baby," Kate smiles warmly.
I jam my hands into my back pockets, trying so hard to keep from getting thrown in jail for second degree murder tonight. She never even asked what happened to my kid, I won't call Cope her kid, because she's not. She won't ever be.
"You wanna go out tonight?" Kate shrugs.
My original reaction was going to be screaming no and slamming the door in her ugly ass face. Then I heard a small sneeze, and realized that Holly was still standing right behind me. When she embraced me in that room back there I felt fireworks, they were so wrong but felt so right. I knew she felt something also, because I felt her heart thudding a mile a minute against me. I was so furious and upset when she ran out of the room, why ignore something that strong and powerful? I kept ignoring the thoughts of what could go wrong and how wrong it was for a guy to be romantically attracted to his adoptive daughter, and only paid attention to how badly I wanted to connect my lips with her black lipstick covered ones. Every millisecond I watched them the more desire filled my heart. I couldn't help but lean in and attempt seeing what her lips would feel like. Then she ran off, rejection hurts.
I think of how fast I made her beautiful heart race, and know that she wanted me just as much as I longed for her. I develop a dark and low thought, could I possibly make her jealous? I think about it for a second and come to a conclusion, I can definitely fill her body she feels so insecure about with full blown jealousy. I hate Kate to the bottom of my heart, but this might just be a perfect opportunity. I could get my revenge on her by pretending to love her, and then shatter her dark, cold heart as hard as a hammer. Then I would make Holly jealous of our "relationship" and want me so much she can't help but throw herself at me. It's like killing too birds with one stone, just fucking perfect.
I slowly walk closer to Kate and wrap my arms around her waist. On the outside I'm warm and caring, but on the inside I'm begging for some powerful force to off me. I put my lips to her ear, but speak my next words loud enough for Holly to hear.
"What time shall I pick you up sweetheart?"
"Whenever and wherever," Kate grins with excitement.
As much as I feel like vomiting, I press my lips against Kate's hollow left cheek. I keep them there just long enough for Holly to notice what she could be having right now. The only difference is that I'd show her affection and mean it, not fake it like I am with Kate right now.
"Well I should get home, I have work tomorrow," Kate whispers.
"How about you stay the night with me?" I say very loud and clear.
"I'd love to but my home and work is far from here, we'll have to another time," she smirks.
So she squeezes me tight and speeds down the sidewalk in the direction of her ugly maroon colored car. I get a devilish smirk on my face, anxious to see Holly's rage and jealousy plastered all over her gorgeous face. I turn to face her.
My smirk instantly fades and my heart breaks into billions of pieces. Holly doesn't have the jealous, outraged look I so expected to see. Her face is back to that horrific one at the adoption agency, the one I had for so long when I lost Cope. She was just starting to grow light in her eyes and life in her face, but now she's been shattered again. All because of my desires and selfish temptations her happiness that was just starting to develop has been lost and forgotten in her precious, fragile heart.
Her face is soaked with tears and her eyes are squinting as if she's trying to hold back her tears, and her lower lips is trembling so violently. She says nothing as she stares at my pleading and sorrowful expression. I'm mentally screaming for her to come back to me, for her not to get lost in that dark depressing world she'd been trapped in again.
Without any words she slowly turns back to the staircase and walks up to her room, leaving me lost in a sea of regret and guilt. I'm the only reason she was beginning to feel loved and important for the first time in her life, but now it's gonna be almost impossible to get her back to how she was just hours before.
All her life she's been treated harshly and like a worthless bitch. Now me, the one person who treated her like she meant something, has been the one to hurt her. I feel so empty.
I suddenly don't care about making her want me anymore, I only care about her feeling loved, and only the way she wants to be. If she wants me to love her romantically then I'll treat her like the only girl in the world. If she wants me to love her like a father would, then I'll spoil her more rotten than any dad could possibly manage. Whatever she needs me to be for her I will. She deserves that. She doesn't deserve the pain, agony, and heartache she's been handed since she was just a toddler.
I sigh in self-hatred and climb the steps up to the second floor and down the hallway of my two-story home. I place my hand gently on the doorknob to her room, ready to have a long talk with her about something that nobody likes speaking about, feelings.