Oh No They're Hot (A Stridercest, Homestuck Fanfic)

So yeah it's basically just some Stridercest smut for your pleasure. Homestuck. Yeah.


1. Aha Here Guys


Of course it had to happen during the first week of a three month shoot. Just fucking great. D Strider, movie director and upcoming film genius, dropped his face into his hands and sighed heavily down at his phone on the desk. Just fuck. He replayed the conversation in his head again.

“D, guess who I caught screwin’,” Bro drawled as a way of greeting.

“Uh let’s see. Did Dave finally make a move on that wild girl? What’s her name? Kade, Rade, Fade…”

“It’s Jade and nope. Strike one.”

“Dirk and that English kid? I didn’t think he could find his dick with an instruction book and neon signs.”

“Strike two.”

“Rose and whoever she was texting the entire Christmas break? Could barely get her to put it down long enough to open her presents.”

“Strike three. You’re out.”

“It’s gotta be a Strider/Lalonde otherwise you wouldn’t have felt the need to call me. Who is it?”

“The twins.”

“What? Like they both brought random lays home? Please tell me they didn’t spend any of their allowance on prostitutes. I thought we taught them better than that.”

“They didn’t need any hoes. They’re screwin’ each other.”

D had to scramble after the phone after it slipped from his hands. When he brings it back up to his ear he can hear Bro’s laughter.

“Good joke. Got me going there. Very clever, asshole.”

“No joke. Caught ‘em screwin’ when I came back to grab the grocery list I’d forgotten. The horny mice decided to play while the cat was away.

“Seriously. Drop it. That’s not funny.”

“Nah, it was hot as hell.”



“They’re brothers! Twins! Our brothers! That’s wrong!”

D could almost hear the eyebrow being raised on the other end of the line.

“Please tell me that you told them to stop.”

“Nope. Though they did have great deer in the headlights expressions that I haven’t seen in a while. I just grabbed the list and waved goodbye to them as I left.”

“Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. Bro. You fucker. Why the fuck do you do this to me? I have to be on set sixteen hours a day for the next three months IF everything goes well. And you drop this fucking piece of shit news on my head. Fuck!”

“D. Chill.”

“Fuck you.” D angrily punched the end call button on his phone and this time purposefully let it fall to the desk. “Fuck.”

Four months later, D spent the entire flight back from Hollywood to Houston organizing his argument that he’ll have to bring up to Dirk and Dave because it’s not like Bro would have put down his foot against it, especially with the attitude that Bro had been keeping up on their recent phone conversations. Bro was the one who was supposed to take care of shit like this. D was in charge of spoiling the crap out of them when he got to come home. Bro was the disciplinarian so why the fuck was he being so lax about this.

Incest was wrong. Right? Not that the Striders had that strict of a moral code, but it was illegal at least. There were laws against it to prevent the older family members from using their authority over their charges. But the twins were the same age. They were equals. Well there was always the genetic defects that came from incest. But the twins were both guys. No chance for mutated progeny there.

Well fuck. There goes the three strongest arguments against their actions. The only thing left was the legality of it. But that really didn’t stop them from having several servers full of downloaded music, movies, television shows, etc. Fuck. D didn’t have any argument at all especially since Bro also informed him that Dave and Dirk have still been pursuing romantic relations outside of this… new behavior so they aren’t socially fucked up. They weren’t even creepily close like stereotypical twins. They both developed extremely distinct personalities and styles. Though they liked to fuck with Bro every once in a while by dressing and styling exactly the same, even to their distinctive shades. But that aside, they were two perfectly normal young men that apparently liked to fuck.

D had nothing worked out by the time the plane landed. Nor when he picked up his luggage from baggage claim. And no better arguments came to him the entire drive home. He was at a severe loss of what to do as he sat in the car in the apartment’s lot.

He sighs to himself and decides that maybe letting this… thing… fall apart naturally was the right course of action. He nods to himself, promising that he will neither encourage nor discourage it but let it run it’s hormonal course and resolve itself. Sure. That’ll work.

He gets out of the car, grabs his luggage, and heads up the stairs, glad to be home again after having to deal with that many stupid people for that long. It will be a nice break to be around people who understand him again. He reaches his floor only slightly out of breath from lugging his bags up that many stairs. He fumbles his keys out of his pocket, wincing at the loud jingling they make as they catch on the edge of his pants and nearly slips out of his hands. He can already feel the relief spreading through his body of being home as he unlocks the door and turns the knob. He steps inside, dragging his luggage with him. He drops the unwanted load within feet of the door after closing it behind him. A strange noise reaches him, coming from further in the main room. When he looks up it takes him several moments to process what he sees.

Dave is on all fours in the center of the flattened futon with Dirk kneeling behind him and his head over Bro’s lap. Bro is casually propped up on one of the shaped pillows that make up the arms of the futon when it is acting as a couch. And all three of them are perfectly naked. Dirk is thrusting against Dave’s backside, gripping Dave’s hips. D catches a glimpse of Dirk’s cock as it slides wetly in and out. Dave’s head is bobbing over Bro’s cock. D can see his cheeks puff out with the passing of the swollen head. One of Bro’s hands is nestled in Dave’s hair.

D is vaguely aware of the sound of the keys falling to the ground. He is barely aware of the need to breathe. His heart is working over time with something akin to panic but it seems to be pushing his blood to the wrong location. Only two thoughts make it through his brain due to shock and lack of blood flow. Oh no they’re hot. Fuck this wasn’t supposed to happen.

Bro finally turns his head over to look at D. “Welcome home big brother.”

That’s the only indication that the fucking Striders give that he’s home. Dirk doesn’t stop his rhythm that shakes his spiky hair as he slams into his twin. Dave, back glistening with a thin sheen of sweat, doesn’t stop blowing his older brother. Said older brother, the supposed adult in the household calmly greets D as if this was just another day at the Strider residence. Actually for all D knows, it might be.

“Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, D. I’ve ordered Chinese for dinner. Scheduled to get here in about half an hour. Maybe.”

Numbly he feels himself shrug out of his suit jacket and toe off his shoes. Without breaking eye contact with the lewd show in front of him he loosens the tie, unable to stand the tightness around his neck a second longer. He’s tempted to fix the growing tightness at the front of his pants as well. He manages to ignore that for now and takes to undoing the buttons on his cuffs and the front of his shirt. He catches himself when he recognizes Bro’s lazy smirk in his direction that he’s undone all of the buttons except the few that are on the part tucked in.

“Feel free to join in, D.”

That does make his lungs stop completely.

“Seriously,” Dirk pants, “I bet Dave would love to have another cock to suck on. Wouldn’t you?” He punctuates the question with a smack against Dave’s ass. In reply, Dave finally stops worshipping Bro’s cock and looks over towards D, making eye contact and then slowly licking his lips.

The unbidden moan tears out of D’s throat and has him scrambling to undo his belt buckle and nearly ripping open his pants. Buttons do fly as he rips his shirt off and shoves his pants and boxers down in one uncoordinated movement. He can hear Bro’s snide chuckle as he stumbles over to the futon trying to kick his pants off and take his socks off simultaneously. He lands with on one hip on the futon but is somehow successfully stitch free. Before he falls off, Bro grabs his waist and pulls him farther onto the futon.

Dave doesn’t waste time. Before Bro even has the chance to release his waist, Dave already has the head of D’s dick between his lips. His tongue is heaven, playing with D’s slit as if he’s done this a million times before. Holy shit the kid knows what to do with his tongue, too. As It slips down, it almost feels like he’s teasing him, that little shit. Dave goes lower and lower with each thrust of Dirk’s hips into him.

The swipe of his tongue over the glans has D tilting his head back and eyes slipping shut. He doesn’t hide the moan, doesn’t stifle it, and Dave sucks appreciatively when he hears it. D gasps, cradling the last half of his moan in his mouth as he fists the futon cover. He can feel every inch of that gorgeous tongue on him, the pressure of the suck, and the motherfucking heat when he takes the head into his throat. “Fuck.”

He can feel Bro moving his arm in clipped, up-and-down movements. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what he’s doing, but D does wonder about how fucking long the guy is based on the timing of his strokes. D loses himself for a moment when Dave moans around him causing D’s breathing to skip as a moan of his own slips out of his lips. Bro laughs to his side which brings his attention back over. In retaliation, D tilts his head over, his lips brushing against the column of Bro’s neck with a hint of teeth scraping across the skin.

D can feel Dirk’s thrusts as Dave uses them to enhance his work. He’s a master at timing from the way he sucks to the way he moans. Everything is timed just enough to drive D insane. Dirk must have noticed, being the sneaky fucking bastard he is, and he aims an extra hard thrust in. Dave stops mid-suck, moaning so brilliantly around the cock that D literally has bite Bro’s neck to keep from screaming.

Bro just laughs it off with a sultry chuckle, low and in D’s ear. D stretches towards it, pushing up against him. His lips form kisses around the bite. He licks at it almost in apology, still groaning freely. One rediscovered hand trails up, over Bro’s chest, his shoulders, and wraps around the back of his neck. He pulls Bro closer, tongue licking at the beads of sweat, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his skin. D arches into Dave, breathing shallowly and pushing back against Bro.

“God, fuck. You shouldn’t be that good. Just… fuck.”

Dave hums again and holy fuck D moans straight into the skin under his lips. He licks the noise away, kissing Bro’s skin as if the jumble of sounds had bruised him. Bro briefly squeezes his grip on D’s waist. D’s toes curl as he remembers that he’s there, keeping him from falling off. Sticky precum is smeared on his other side as Bro continues to jack off, thoroughly enjoying the sight in front of him. Dirk’s breathing skitters a little louder than before as he tries to collect himself enough to say something.

“Looks like he’s pretty good with his mouth, huh?” D can hear Dirk smirking, even as he keeps his eyes shut.

He bites his lip and revels in the onslaught of sensations, the coil in his stomach growing tighter and so wonderfully tighter. His brow furrows as he fights concentrating, not thinking, not thinking, he really shouldn’t be thinking—he’s getting the best blowjob of his life right now after all, so who the fuck cares who Dirk was actually talking about?

“Seems like we’re thinkin’ the same thing. Move Dave back.”

All movement stops and for a moment D is afraid that it’s all over. That this was some sort of test that he failed. He cracks his eyes open, fearful of the truth. Both of Dirk’s arms have snaked under Dave’s torso and his hands are on his shoulders, holding him back. There’s a look of pained joy on his face as Dirk had stopped all the way inside of him. He’s shaking, one long, almost-silent moan slipping out of his mouth as he’s led up and away from D. Together they shuffle down to the very edge of the futon.

Bro climbs off of the couch, pulling D to the center where he had been before. He grabs the skinny hips and pulls D down until his shoulders are on the couch arm instead of mid back. D hears Dave groan and looks down the couch, watching as Dirk pulls out, still hard. He moves one hand down Dave’s body to his thigh, spreading his twin’s legs further apart. Dirk whispers in Dave’s ear, but D can’t hear a word he’s saying. He can’t even see the way his lips move, but Dave’s eyes shut and his brow creases and dear Lord that should not be so fucking hot.

Dave stretches his back, arching it towards Dirk behind him. The sound he makes is caught somewhere between a gasp and a groan. D imagines what was said; something like “work for it” or “you like that don’t you, you little slut” or “don’t cum until I tell you to” but this only makes his own dick twitch in arousal. The aching curiosity gnaws at him and he opens his mouth to ask, but before he can, Dirk shoves Dave back down. Dave catches himself above D and licks one long line up from the bottom of his balls to the tip of his head in a single motion.

Bro swings around until he’s straddling D’s face. No words have to be said, nothing ordered; Bro merely arches one brow and D leans forward taking Bro’s thighs in his hands. He licks the first drop of precum, covers his teeth with his lips, and takes the first half in his mouth. Bro hisses through his teeth and reaches a hand out to grip his hair. It’s almost painful, right on that bordering edge. D raises himself as much as he can to ease the pressure. He only manages to get half of Bro’s length before he has to grip the rest of it in his hand. Bro bucks forward against the two different heats. Dave drops down over D and and takes all of him in one swallow. Dirk enters him again and even if he hadn’t felt Dave buck over him, the way he moans wantonly is enough to cue him in. Dave sucks and shit is that thing with the tongue really fucking necessary? Oh God it is, hell yes it is.

Dirk tells Dave something and Dave moans around him. It’s only three thrusts later that D feels hot cum splatter over his legs which triggers D as well but Dave pulls away at exactly the wrong time. D groans deeply because he knows when Bro gets off his face he’ll be able to see the mess he made all over Dave’s. He hears Dirk echo the groan and presumably finish as well. Refocusing on the task at hand, D sucks hard around where Bro is riding his face. All the warning he receives is a none-too-gentle vicegrip in his hair before he’s drinking cum. Bro pulls away trailing one last spurt of cum down the bottom of D’s chin before leaving his older brother on the futon to relax.

D puts one arm up over the edge of the couch and the other rests over his stomach. He feels more than sees Dave crawl up his body and lick at the white line on his chin. D hums, cracking his eyes open enough to see Dave smiling gently before he places a small kiss on the side of his jaw. Dave lays down on his right side and D places his arm over his shoulders. Dave fits snug against him and Dirk smirks as he kisses his twin over the space of D’s chest. Without any warning, Dirk slides up to his other side and D puts his other arm around him.

There’s a knock at the door and Bro groans as he searches for a pair of pants that had been lost long before D got home. The back of the futon clicks several times as he puts it back up into the couch, throwing a blanket over them for good measure. D clears his throat, offering up the wallet he has trapped somewhere in his luggage. Bro waves it off, instead pulling the wallet out of his own pants pocket as he steps over the suitcase D had dropped when he came in. D waits for Bro to pay for the chinese and for the delivery man to leave before he breathes out, “Well, that’s one way to come home.”

Dave laughs into his side tiredly, nodding gently as he hugs his arm around both D and Dirk. “And you made us wait a whole extra month. Super mister director dude taking four months instead of three for a single lousy movie.”

“Fuck all of you,” D groans.

“I think that just happened,” Dirk observes.

“You fuckers. I have been stressed out of my mind over you.”

“No more stressing now.” Dave lays a couple kisses across his side of D’s face. “Just fantastic sex.”

“And shitty chinese. Move over so we can eat dinner, you little shits. All three of y’all,” Bro demands as he comes back around with several plastic bags of said food. With several soft and feigned complaints the four Striders manage to get comfortable on the couch with a container of food each. Conversation stalls as the sounds of eating fill the silence.

Dirk is the first to break it. “Is anyone going to comment on how loud D is? I’m just saying.”

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