My story of eternal pain

I'm going to tell my story. How i live with cancer, and how i'm fighting it every day, and how i been thinking about life and death.


11. Sorry

I'm sorry, I haven't been writing a couple of days. It have just been ruff couple of days. After the last time i write, i couldn't stop thinking about Jonas. So I slept a my friend, Laura. It helped. We have been friends since we where 3 year old. She know me better then anyone, and she know how much I miss him. Her parents are divorced, so we stead at her dad. 

yesterday I got home, but I felt sick...

I felt dizzy, and when I got in through the door, I began to throw up. We drove to the hospital, and they took some test. I couldn't get the test-result until today, so they kept me over the night. When i finally got the test-result, they where fine. So I could go home.

When I came home, I went straight to bed. I felt so tied. Later I herd my mom and dad talk. My mom was so scared that something was wrong. The test was fine, but she had a feeling that something wasn't right. My dad tried to calm her down. He said, that it probably just was the new medicine. And the reason why I trow up, was because it was working. It helped. My mom sat down, and started to look hopefully. 

So that why I haven't been writing. Everything has just been a little bit hectic...

So I'm tied, and look like shit. But the hole day I've been wondering, if today was the day, that I would die. Maybe it's because my body is fighting, or because I'm losing the fight. But i think that my time is coming soon...

Maybe I sound like a suicidal, but the truth is that I have given up hope. I am tired of fighting. I fought every day, and now I just want some peace. Is it really too much to ask for? 
If there is a God, why does he put us through this? 
Why does he gives us a life full of eternal pain? 

I don't understand it, and never will. But I'm looking forward, to the day when I get answers to my questions.

Goodnight People. I hope you all will live a life full of happiness.

- Amalie 

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