My story of eternal pain

I'm going to tell my story. How i live with cancer, and how i'm fighting it every day, and how i been thinking about life and death.


15. A lazy day

I'm the only one, who don't wanna do anything, except laying in my bed?

I'm feeling so lazy.

Yesterday my cousins came to visit. I rather kill myself, then spend the hole day with them. The oldest one, Emma, is a year younger them me, but she act like 10 years. And her little sister, Sofia, is more annoying than my own little sister. They acted like they where high, the hole day. I felt so sick, because of all the medicine, and my knee hurt.

I have an injury in my knee. I know that I have a crazy body, and that I'm unlucky. I just leaned to live with that. It's like my body is belt wrong. I'm missing something. But that just how life is...

But as you obviously can hear, my relationship to my cousins isn't the best. They are just so immature. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact, that I am very mature for my age, but what do you expect. I'm dying. I'm not going to waste my time with childish things. They don't know it feels, to loss someone. They have no idea, of the pain I'm living with everyday. They don't know what life is... That makes me so angry. I know it's not their fault, but how can it be, that they get a hole live with choices. Why do they get to live, when Jonas and I don't? It's not fair...

I think that's why I hate them. They have a lifetime of options, and then use the time to be childish. I don't get it. I'm using so much time to understand the world we are living in, and the choices people make, and I don't get this... I know it's scary to grow up. More than anyone. But you can't just sit back, because you afraid. If everyone did that, then we wouldn't achieve anything in life.

I know I chanced subject, but it annoys me. 

- Amalie

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