Nathan wasn't dead. Nathan couldn't be dead. Nathan was still alive. Nathan was in his apartment listening to his records. Nathan was going to see me on Monday at school. Nathan wasn't dead.
I had stayed in my room for the rest of yesterday and today. I hadn't eaten for a really long time but I wasn't hungry. Dad knocked on my door.
"How is my Zoe doing?" He asked, lying beside me on my bedroom floor.
"He isn't dead dad," I stated. Dad breathed a huge sigh as if to say 'not this again'.
"I know it's hard for you Zoe, I know you are going through a really sad time! But you have to accept it at some point," dad scruffed my hair. "You don't have to go in school tomorrow,"
"I doubt mum said that," I replied.
"She didn't, I did," he told me. "Your mother isn't the only one who makes the decisions! Do you want to go into town or something? Take your mind off things?" I shook my head. As if I wanted to go out. All I wanted to do is crawl up in a ball and cry my heart out, which is what I have done in the last 24 hours. Dad nodded as though he understands even though he didn't. He then left me alone in my room. I went to my stereo and played a swift song to suit my mood. Love is a laser quest - arctic monkeys... I then went back to my bed and cocooned myself in my covers. I couldn't think properly. My mind was all over the place. I had a nightmare last night, I couldn't remember what it was just the fact that I woke up screaming. Dad was really worried about me but mum kept telling me I was over reacting. I really hated her. She still despised Nathan even though he was gone, not dead but gone. I hated the term dead. It makes it seem so dark, all what Nathan wasn't, dark. So he wasn't dead and never will be, he was just gone.
Mum came in my room and saw my wrapped in my bed covers.
"Zoe, darling, teas on the table," she said to me.
"Go away! Leave me alone!" I shouted at her.
"There's no need for that tone! I know you are very upset, sweet heart, I was the same when we lost your sister! But this is totally unacceptable, you hardly even knew him-"
"At least I knew him..." I interrupted. "That's the thing, mum. Nobody knew him. Sure people saw him, noticed him, teased him, know his name but nobody knew him. Nobody cared about him. And if I wouldn't of known him, even if it's 'hardly', then he would of been forgotten. He had no family apart from his mother who..." I couldn't finish the sentence, my voice was cut off by tears. Mum looked ashamed but didn't breath a word. She left me alone.