The Bandits of Madness

The Doctor doesn't always have great timing, but he outdoes himself when he crashes Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase's date.


6. We Hit A Wall (Figuratively)


“So, where is this camp of yours located?” I ask Annabeth, who seems less likely to pull a sword out on me again. I fiddle with the controls in the TARDIS while she answers.

    “Half-Blood Hill, Long Island. Doctor, I don’t think that this is going work, see, we have barriers at Camp.”

    “Oh, they can never stop me. Now then, a flick of this, a turn of that, a lever pulled, and … Allons-y!” I yell as I dash from panel to panel, occasionally jarring a screen. Percy and Annabeth automatically grab for a railing, as Donna shoots me a glare. The TARDIS is shooting through space up until I feel a resistance against the side. 


    And the TARDIS falls sideways in mid-air, landing opposite of the door. Percy groans as he rubs his head, which had slammed into the controls. Annabeth and Donna were luckier, as it appears that they had just smacked into one of the seat cushions. I try and assess the damage. Something, probably deadlock-sealed, had stopped us from being able to enter the camp. I hear a sloshing noise in the direction of the library.

    “Oh blimey. Not the books!” I say, jumping up and rushing over to the entry. Sure enough, there’s water covering all of the Harry Potter’s and the entire collection of Miss Marple. Oh, how Agatha can write.

    “Doctor! We just fell sideways after slamming into a bloody wall, and you’re upset about some flipping books? We could have just died, Mr. ‘Oh look at me, I’m a flipping Time-Lord from bloody space’!” Donna yells. Annabeth is kneeling next to Percy, feeding him something that looks like crushed pastry squares.

    “Annabeth, what’s that you’ve got there?” I ask her, curious. The TARDIS before could detect at least quite a throbbing bump on the back of Percy’s head, looking like it hurts. Now I can see through the scanners that it was healing at least 85% past the normal healing rate. Now the lump on the back of his head was nothing. Percy gingerly touched the spot, found it to be alright, and thanked Annabeth. I grab the sides of Percy’s head and inspect the spot of the collision. There’s no mark, no lump, not a single sign of damage anywhere.

    “Hey, um, Doctor? Could you please let go of my head?” Percy asks. I ignore his request, and switch my gaze to the plastic bag Annabeth is putting back in her backpack.

    “What is that Annabeth? You’ve just healed something in minutes that would have, should have taken at least a couple days!”

    “This? It’s ambrosia. Food of the gods, ever heard of it? It cures any injury, virtually. It’s only to be used in cases of emergency, and I personally think that this is an emergency.”

    “Give it here,” I say, beckoning with my hand. Annabeth and Percy exchange a look, and Percy stands.

    “Doctor, I can’t do that. Even though you’re a ‘Time Lord’, eating even a crumb of this will kill you. It’s lethal to mortals, and even to us if we eat too much of it. We can get very, very feverish, and to consume an overdose would literally burn us up. It’s a safety hazard.” Annabeth said, whilst Percy gave me a very pointed look that I took to mean ‘You take one step towards my girlfriend, Tortoise-Man, and you’ll get to find out what it means to have the point of a sword sticking out through your neck.’ I took a step back.

    “Doctor,” Donna said impatiently, “What did we hit?”

    “ - Probably was the barrier, I don’t think that the protection could stop us from letting them in, but it might not be the best idea,” Percy and Annabeth were murmuring to each other whilst casting glances towards us and the exit.

    “Well,” I say, rubbing my hands together and striding towards the exit, “Let’s find out, shall we?




    “This is Camp Half-Blood,” Percy said, gesturing with a hand towards a huge pine tree with a glittering piece of something draped over a bough, wrapped with - are those cables? No, is, is, that a dragon? They have a dragon?!? I need one. Annabeth and Percy step effortlessly past the tree, but Donna and I are held back by a strangely elastic wall, rubbery and pliable to the touch, but impenetrable even when I use my sonic screwdriver. Dead-locked sealed, most likely. Donna keeps smacking the wall angrily and casting dirty looks in my direction. I choose to ignore them.  

    “Oh, right, we forgot about the protection,” Annabeth says to Donna. Talking loudly towards the sky, she says “I, Annabeth Chase, give permission to enter camp.” Donna’s kick isn’t blocked like she expects it to be, and it falls onto a patch of grass on the other side of what once was a barrier to us. I grin and join Annabeth and Percy.

    “What is this place? You have a dragon? Who is in charge here?” Catching sight of a girl in a bright orange shirt riding a pegasus above a row of cabins, I launch into another barrage of questions, all being answered by Annabeth and Percy hurriedly.

    “This,” Percy says, motioning widely with hands all around him, “is Camp Half-Blood.” 

    “And, yes, we do have a dragon. His name is Ladon, and be nice. Mr. D, er, Dionysus, he’s in charge of camp. Except he hasn’t been here for a few weeks. Chiron is in charge right now.” Annabeth says, pausing momentarily in between words to wave a hello or two at a camper, all wearing bright orange shirts and holding weapons. 

    “Also, we have to know, what do you want us to do right now? We would have to wait until dinner tonight to send a prayer, and I slashed my fountain in half a couple years ago, so we have no contact with the gods. What do you think we should do, Annab-“ Percy said, being cut off by a girl with shiny brown hair and full lips, who wouldn’t stop talking.

    “Hashtag oh-my-gods, hashtag seriously, hashtag who-does-she-think-she-is, hashtag no-filter, hashtag single-and-ready-to-mingle, hashtag no-makeup, hashtag wanna-get-fraps? Hashtag what-happened-to-froyo? Hashtag cupcake-pops-are-the-best! Hashtag whatever! Hashtag did-you-see-the-new-camper? Hashtag hottie!” Annabeth and Percy exchanged another alarmed look with one another and then approached a guy with the same blonde hair and stormy grey eyes as Annabeth.

    “Malcolm, what the heck is going on with Lilith? Why is she just talking in hashtags?”

    “No idea,” the guy said, as he rubbed the back of his neck in frustration. “It started two days ago, and it’s only gotten weirder. She never stops talking. Drew actually put duct tape on her mouth last night so she could get her beauty rest. And you know Andrew? The red-haired guy, from the Apollo cabin? He’s only been speaking either in rhyming couplets or Iambic pentameter. It’s really been grating on Will. Even Chiron’s no help! He’s just sitting in his wheelchair, talking about philosophy to Seymour in the Big House. Gah, I wish Rachel were here, maybe she could help us with a prophecy or at least a little explanation!” Seeing Lilith wander off towards an unsuspecting girl, buff with stringy brown hair and a sword that looked like it had seen better times, Malcolm rushed off. Percy looked worried and hardly seemed to notice both me and Donna trailing behind the two of them. A guy with horns rising out of his curly hair and an odd, limping gait that seemed strange until I noticed his furry legs and cloven hooves rushed over, hand in hand with a pretty girl dressed all in green.

     “Percy, we need to talk to you and Annabeth.” He said breathlessly, clicking his hooves together nervously while his eyes darted around, but each time coming back to settle on the girl to his right.

    “This ought to be good,” Percy said, and began following him to the woods about a dozen yards away. “Doctor, Donna, are you coming?”

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