Remember me when I'm gone

All Grace wants is for everyone to be happy


2. One month in

Mum still hasn't told me what is wrong. But something is wrong because mum just sits there, staring into space. Even when she hanging the washing on the line outside she looks half dead.

Dear diary

My mum is keeping something from me. I can keep secrets as much as the next person, some more then others but when it's your own mother keeping a secret from you, then that's not on.

I saw the boy today, after two months had gone by since I saw him at the Hospital waiting room. He was sat on the swings in the park, looking bored and fed up. I went into the park and sat on the swing next to him, we didn't say anything to eachother for a quite a long time. Then he gave me a sneaky look and said "Hi, I've seen you before" "yes" I said "you have, at the Hospital waiting room" "let me guess" he said "you're Grace Howell, right?" I nodded "what was you doing at the Hospital, if you don't mind me asking?" I asked "I was suffering from chest pain" he said "but when I had a heart scan, there was nothing wrong with my heart" "but what about your chest pain?" I asked "well, I do a lot of running around so, that's why" he said "I'm on the School's football team" "Oh" I said "so, what's your name?" "I'm Iwrin Pickles" he said. We spent almost all day, talking about this and that. Then we dared eachother to a race, just to the end of the park and back again.

I didn't think about my chest pain, I just went for it. I started to run, but as I reached into the middle of the park-I was gasping for breath and wheezing. "Are you okay?" asked Iwrin putting his hand on my shoulder "do you want me to get your mother?" "no" I gasped "I just need to go home" and I started to walk away "WAIT" he shouted running up to me "why don't we swap numbers?" "ok" I said, he smiled and dug into his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen-he wrote something down then handed me the paper and his was his number. I already knew my number off by heart and was telling him it as he wrote it down. When suddenly I felt really faint "are you ok?" asked Iwrin again but before I could answer him, I fell onto the ground. My eyes were open as I stared into space unable to move any other part of my body.  Iwrin kneeled down beside me "it's ok, Grace" he said "you'll be better soon" then I closed my eyes. 

I woke up in a strange bed in a even strange room, mum and Iwrin were stood beside my bed. " am I?" I managed to say "Shh" said mum "don't try to speak" "where am I?" I said again, more clearly this time. "You're in Hospital" said mum, she'd looked like she'd been crying again even Iwrin did. "Mum, have you been crying?" I said "I've been beside myself with worry" she said "Iwrin found me walking down the street and asked me if I was Grace Howell's mother and when I said yes, he told me where you were" "just tell her the truth" said Iwrin "she needs to know" "I'm not ready to" sobbed mum "what truth?" I said "what's going on?" "ok" cried mum "Iwrin is right, we can't keep the truth from you any longer-when you had a heart scan the doctors found a hole in your heart-I'm so sorry-Grace!" I just lay there not speaking or moving. "Am I dying?" I asked mum, finally but mum couldn't cope-she just walked out of my room-crying. I looked at Iwrin "am I dying?" I asked him "your mum doesn't want me to say" he said "just tell me, Iwrin" I said "I need to do some planning" "like what?" he asked "that's for me to know and you to find out" I said "I can't tell you anything" he said "I promised your mum I wouldn't blab" "if you was me, Iwrin" I said "wouldn't you like to know the truth?" "I can't" he said "I'm sorry" so, then I started to get a bit angry "just tell me" I said, rasing my voice "I have a right to know what is wrong with me" I knew Iwrin had no choice-I put him well and truly on the spot. I wasn't proud of it but it was the only way for me to know the truth. Iwrin was getting uneasy-I could tell but right now I didn't care. "Yes" he blurted "you are dying" at that moment everything stood still, even my heart stood still. "Thank you for telling me" I said "yeah well, I shouldn't have" he said "what will your mother do now,, when she finds out you know the truth? She'll kill me" "don't worry" I said "I won't grass you up, I have a plan" but before Iwrin could answer me-mum came back into the room "you have to stay in Hospital for a few days" she said "I've been talking to the doctors, now I'm going to go home and pack some stuff for you-is there anything you need?" "my diary?" I said "you've got it" said mum "I'll be back soon" and she walked away, again. Iwrin stayed with me until mum came back again. Me and Iwrin didn't even talk since the moment she left. Mum came into my room carrying two bags and placed them on top of me. She handed me my diary and started unpack my clothes and put them away neatly in the drawers beside my bed. Soon enough the night begin to fall and it was time for mum and Iwrin to go home. "I'll be here tomorrow" said Iwrin "see you soon, sweetie" said mum kissing my forehead-then they both left. I opened my diary and picked up my pen...

Dear Diary

I finally know what is wrong with me. I have what people call a hole in the heart. I'm thankful to Iwrin for telling me that I'm dying even though I more or less made him. But he couldn't have been that angry with me because he stayed with me for half the night. I know a lot of people are scared of dying if this ever happened to any of them, but I'm not scared to die. I know I will die one day, in my condition I will die before my mother does and that's ok because I'm really not scared...

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