Alone in decision. Too afraid to ask anyone on opinion, a seventeen year old girl lies to her mother to go to a twelve step program in hope of cleaning herself up. But will it all go as planned? Or just make situations worse? No matter what happens, her life will be changed and she won't ever turn back.


13. Chapter Twelve

Exhausted, I went to bed early. After my morning with Harry, the rest of the day was hardcore spring cleaning.

Laying in my bed the door was shut, and the lights were out. The only light in the room was from my phone as I scrolled through my Tumblr.

Scrolling past a post of a funny gif I reblogged it then scrolled on. Nothing else really caught my attention so I decided to look up random things. Tapping on the little magnifying glass icon I typed in 'beautiful' thinking of landscape and sunsets. Looking through, I saw some models with odd cloths, shirtless guys, decent photography with quotes.

Bored I tapped on a tag from a random photo of hands, and there were posts of all different kinds, but none that caught my eye. Just before typing in something else I saw I gif of a random white man inside a pretty Burnett. She was fully nude sitting on top of him. As they repeatedly bounced causing him to slide in and out, her face showed pure satisfaction and pleasure. Drawn in; I went to the blog that the gif came from.

I shouldn't be doing this, I know that. But i didn't stop, it felt automatic. Like I was a robot programmed to only do one thing, no controlling it, no stopping.

Scrolling through their posts I was becoming disappointed mostly seeing girls fully undressed. But one that sparked my interest was a girl rubbing herself. I bit my lip remembering the feeling I had when I did that. The pleasure that grew stronger with every circular motion.

After watching the gif repeat, I then went to the account this blog reposed from. I could feel my heart slightly beating in my area, I was starting to throb.

Looking through I noticed this was a lesbian kinda blog which I didn't mind. That is my favorite kind. Although I'm straight, I would choose lesbian sex over any, which sometimes confused me. But I didn't think anything of it, I just felt it was more relatable .

Looking through the gifs watching their mouths move as they moaned in satisfaction i felt the urge. I felt like sliding my hands down and into my pajama shorts, struggle to get through my panties and rub my clit.

But I couldn't, I said that I wouldn't do that anymore. I told myself I wouldn't, but I wanted to so badly. I wanted to feel good. But honestly, I wanted Harry. I wanted him inside me, but I can't right now. The desire in my body grew stronger. The pull in my gut grew for me to feel.

Biting my lip I closed my eyes and started to rub on my shorts. I was hopping it would satisfy my needs but it made them stronger. Out of frustration I immediately slid my hands inside now feeling on my panties. I was closer, feeling my fingertips rubbing better. Grabbing my now asleep phone, I unlocked it going to my Google app. I typed in a porn site I used to go to almost every night. It made me realize how natural and easy it was to navigate the site, which didn't make me feel very good.

Ignoring my feeling of self shame, I tapped on an image which linked to lesbian porn. Scrolling through the videos I payed most attention to the amount of thumbs ups each video had. Once finding one with 98% and a HD thumbnail I tapped on it watching it bluffer, then grabbing my headphones placing them in my ears. I adjusted my position so my knees bent and my head was placed straight so the ear buds wouldn't fall.

There were two girls sitting on a black couch; a white girl with black hair wearing a pink shirt with light blue jeans, and the other girl had olive skin and light brown hair in a short black dress. Both young and pretty. At first they were just sitting and talking about something I could care less about. Dragging the small dot on the screen I skipped forward to the real action. As it was loading I was interrupted by a text but closed out before I could even read who it was from.

Just as the video played, the girl with the olive skin was in view thrusting her finger in and out of the white girl. Both moaning; she then moved her tongue around her clit making her gasp and arch her back. Watching this happen drove me crazy. I wanted that, and I had to have it now.

Throbbing even harder now; I slid my fingers in my panties and right to my clit. Moving my middle and index finger in a circular motion, a feeling of smooth electricity flowed throughout my body. Wanting to moan so bad I opened my mouth wide and took a hard, but slow breath. It was as if I was stretching the sound out to a silence.

With the feeling of pleasure growing stronger. Hearing the white girl moaning louder and louder as her tongue and finger moved faster made me desire my fingers even more.

Hearing her unique, beautiful noises I placed the phone down closing my eyes tight shut. My heart was racing and it felt like every muscle in my body was working together to adjust to this feeling of pure pleasure.

Breathing harder than before, I lifted my leg in response to the pace I was moving my fingers in a now side to side motion. With my fingers moving faster; the electricity grew stronger through my body. The white girls moaning also grew louder as if we were sync in reaching climax.

Instantly my hips moved away changing the angle of my movement and it felt like a spark lit me on fire. But instead of feeling heat; I felt like a silver liquid of soft love and affection flowed through me. The last second my fingers moved faster than ever and I was just at the top.

It was like I was climbing a steep mountain. The feeling of struggle at the last step then the satisfaction of reaching the top having the heavy gravity release from off my body. And now I made it to the other side.

A heavy heart beat in my clit confirmed I reached climax. Relaxing my body; my finger never moved. for a moment i laid there trying to catch my breath. My finger slightly twitched touching my now highly sensitive area causing my body to quickly jerk up.

The noises in my ear now had no interest to me. Slowly sliding my hand out feeling the cool air, I grabbed my phone minimizing the video. Moving over to my side I tapped over to the Google homepage. Pressing the settings icon I went to my history erasing all evidence.

Gaining my energy back I went on Twitter and scrolled through my feed. Quickly getting bored I went to my Instagram, Facebook, then back to Twitter again.

Swiping my finger down to see if I had any notifications, I saw I received a image text from Harry. Pressing on the notification the phone took me straight to his text. Pressing the image I waited for it to load.

Just as it appeared I noticed he took a selfie and i immediately started smiling but still haven't processed where exactly he is. Looking around the image I saw he was in a white type room, tubes and medical things surrounding him. He was in a bed and I know it wasn't his. His face was a bit red and his hair was a mess but made him look slightly adorable. He made his eyes big with his mouth wide open. It seems like he was showing a facial expression of shock, but still trying to look cute. Which was working. The lighting made his eyes look a light but piercing turquoise. I could defiantly see the tiredness and sickness in his lovely eyes. Normally I would reply but he needs his rest.

Not having anything else to do, I watched The Vampire Diaries on Netflix until I fell asleep.


"Emma wake up!" Mom yelled from the hallway.

Slightly moving my body I groaned in response. Staying up all night, I must of slept through my alarm clocks. Looking through my window I could see the light blue sky, which hinted I was late. Still tired, I slowly sat up scratching my head thinking about what to put on for the day.

Just before sliding out of bed I looked at my notifications; I had over ten missed calls from a unknown area. A little puzzled by the missed calls, I shrugged my shoulders and got out of bed walking over to the closet. I pulled on my dark grey sweats with a navy blue top, then walked into the bathroom putting my hair up into a messy bun, quickly applying some mascara i forgot to put away the other day. Checking the time on the hallway clock, I only had fifteen minutes until the late bell rang for school. Rushing; I brushed my teeth and applied deodorant under my arms.

Walking downstairs I walked over to the kitchen counter and grabbed a pear to go. Looking for my bag I took a bite immediately slurping the juice so it wouldn't get on my chin. Without waving goodbye I grabbed my bag and hurried out the door.

Walking outside, I took a bite holding the pear in my mouth and searched my bag for the car keys. Walking towards my car, I kept my eyes on my bag feeling for the keys. I could sense someone near me but paid no attention; I was in a hurry not to be late.

Turning a corner to the parking lot, I noticed a pare of white Nike shoes approaching me. Immediately I was bumped causing the pear to fly out of my mouth, and almost loosing my balance. Still looking away two warm hands gripped my shoulders causing me to become alarmed. With a strong gasp I looked up noticing a olive skinned, very handsome guy. He looked my age, but his facial hair made him look a bit older. His skin flawless, and his attempt to give a smile of peace was very convincing.

"I am so sorry, I didn't see you walking." He said almost laughing, he had a strong English accent and it reminded me of Harry. He lowered his hands from off my shoulders after he noticed I had balance, and I took a deep breath glad he wasn't mad at the incident.

"Don't worry about it, I should of been paying attention." I said with a simple smile, but now I was more concentrated on his location. It's not everyday I see a British boy wondering these streets, so I wanted to take the chance while I had it.

"So um, your not from around here huh?" I asked raising my eyebrows trying my best to look interested.

"Oh no, I'm from Bradford in the UK. I'm down here looking for a friend." He said with a friendly brightness in his eyes.

If this was supposed to be Louis I'm not very convinced, this guy seems too nice. But he is looking for a friend, he could still be bad. I could feel my face slightly heat up which made me a bit scared I might blow my cover. I want to help Harry, but if I can't even act casual, how will I make it?

"Ah, a friend. I know some people from your side of town, maybe I could help. What's the name?" I said trying to act casual but friendly.

Slightly nodding his head he pressed his eyebrows together and flashed a smile. Although my heart was for Harry, something about this guy could make a girl melt.

"The names Harry, ring a bell?" He said not expecting me to know.

In panic my heart raced and my hands started to fidget more with my bag. His eyes flashed down to my hands. What if this was Louis? What do I do now? If I tell him, he could kidnap me or something. Looking into his dark brown hazel eyes, I felt trust. So I went for it.

Nodding my head I replied; "Styles?"

His eyes lit, and he had a light smile. "Yeh."

"Well, who's askin'?" I asked trying not to act serious.

"Zayn," he said with a chuckle causing his eyes to slightly squint flashing another smile. Looking at his perfect features I couldn't help but smile back. Zayn, that name sounded familiar. Then I remembered the phone call from the other night.

"Your the guy who told Harry about the Louis guy!" I said excited to have made a connection.

Just as Zayn collected the information he immediately became serious. His face hardened and his eyes made me feel scared by the way he reacted. Although I wanted to get it out, I needed to stay normal.

"Emma?" Zayn asked. For a moment I was lost, then realized that was me. I'm Emma. But lost in thought, he grew impatient in my silence.

"What is your name again?" He asked with a more serious tone.

"I'm Emma, Harry's...girlfriend." I replied a little shaken.

"Ahh... So your Emma, I have been looking for you." He said slightly nodding his head, he flashed a small smile but never changed from a serious face.

"Oh," I said lost in breath, then looked down worried. Why was he looking for me?

"I've been looking for Harry ever since I called him that day. I think Louis found him." Zayn said with no trace of happiness, or peace in his voice.

My heart stopped and my lungs caved in. I felt like my body was going to collapse but my body was frozen. Speechless I looked up at Zayn waiting for something to come out. But all that did was my breath, unsteady and fast. I should of known something like this would happen, but it's all happening so fast.

"Wha- what do you mean?" I pushed out. His eyes went wide by my sudden change in mood.

Zayn shifted his weight trying to think of how to answer. Looking down he started to fidget with his fingers. Waiting for him to reply I noticed he had nothing but tattoos all up his arms. I then noticed what he was wearing. A white short sleeve shirt with black words saying 'cool kids don't dance'. He had nice black skinny jeans with white shoes. Trying to distract myself for the moment I studied his further.

"Emma...When did you last hear from Harry?" He asked slowly, I looked up into his eyes.

"Wha- last night, he sent me a picture of him at the hospital."

"Around what time?"

"I think nine, but i'm not sure."

"Nine? Damn. If that's the case, Louis has him. After he came back from the bathroom last night he called me. And he told me Louis was there at the hospital. Right before he could give me clear, he hung up. I tried calling back and it went straight to voice mail. I called the hospital, and they said he checked out." deeply exhaling, he took a step back placing his hands over his eyes. Standing there, I was frozen. That quickly, that easily, Louis took Harry like that. And now we have no idea where he could be.

Zayn collected himself and continued; "So when i figured he did, I flew down here and came looking for you. I was hoping that you would know where he was. I did call you, but no one answered." he explained taking a step closer probably noticing my shock and sorrow.

Looking down i nodded my head in response. a sweep of anger grew within me. i could feel my hands start to sweat and my ears catch on fire. Louis isnt going to get away with this.

"We are going to find him, and i want him locked up." I said looking deep into Zayns eyes.

Not knowing how to respond he nodded his head in agreement. Walking to my car we sat there planing ways to find him. Zayn tried to convince me to go to school but I refused. Harry could be in deep danger, and i couldn't go a day knowing i didn't help to find him. Zayn called some people he knows to get information on Louis. We learned that inevitably Harry doesn't have the money, so soon they will have to go to Harry's bank in order to collect it. Until then, Louis kept him captive, and our next task was to find out where.

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