Alone in decision. Too afraid to ask anyone on opinion, a seventeen year old girl lies to her mother to go to a twelve step program in hope of cleaning herself up. But will it all go as planned? Or just make situations worse? No matter what happens, her life will be changed and she won't ever turn back.


8. Chapter Seven

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?!?" My mom yelled not even giving me a chance to shut the front door.

"I'm so sorry mom, my batterie died and I didn't want to wake you so I just spent the night at her house." I lied hoping she would be more forgiving.

"You need to call me. Or find a way to. I was up all night worried sick about you! I know it's the weekend but I would like to know where your going and where you are!" She demanded frustrated. But I didn't care, last night was amazing.

Walking up to her I gave her a hug softly saying in her ear, "I'm sorry," tightly she hugged back. I noticed she still was wearing her blue and purple striped top from yesterday. Was she seriously that worried?

"Just don't do it again, okay? I love you and don't want anything bad to happen to you." She said gripping my shoulders pulling me away so we could make eye contact. Her deep green eyes filled with tears. Quickly sniffing and looking away and walked over to the kitchen to continue making what smelled like pancakes. I felt guilty for putting her into this state of mind so I headed upstairs. Looking in my brothers room, he still was sound asleep. I had no idea what the time was but I assume it's quite early.

Walking into my room I stripped nude, then let my hair out of its sand filled wet bun letting it flow free. I could see little bits of sand fall from my hair and hurried to the bathroom. Reaching under the sink, I grabbed a black towel throwing it on the lid of the toilet. Shutting and locking the door I walked over to the shower, leaning over I twisted it on feeling the cold water flow through my fingers. After a few seconds the water warmed up and I stepped in pulling the shower blue curtain shut. Standing in the warm flowing water I watched sand slide off my body into the drain. Thinking about last night I was lost in thought. At moments I didn't realize I was even taking a shower. Grabbing the green apple shampoo I scrubbed it into my hair, all I could feel was the sand. It took about three more washes to get it all out.

Looking down at my hands I saw they were already wrinkly. So I quickly washed the rest of my body and turned off the water. Standing there I watched the water drip out of my curly brown hair onto the floor, I didn't want to open the curtain and feel the cold air. Finally I stepped out drying my hair, back, legs, and the rest of my body. It was nice to finally be clean.

Walking out the bathroom, the sunrise almost blinded me shining from my brothers window. Stepping into my room I threw on an old black cheer top that was three sizes tok big, and some red pajama shorts. Anxious for warmth I crawled in under my green and pink blankets.

Reaching down to the side of my bed near the white wall; I connected my charger to my phone watching the silver apple light up. To pass the time I looked out my slightly open window. The birds chirping reminding me that it's morning. They sounded so near, but I couldn't see any in the trees on our front lawn. The sky was now light blue with a tint of deep orange, and was slightly spotted with clouds. Lost in the beautiful sight of nature, I was drawn back in by multiple beeps and vibrations off my phone. Looking down most were new voicemails from mom. Scrolling through all the notifications, I saw a name I haven't seen in what feels like forever; Audri, my best friend since we were seven.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around lately. What's up?" She sent me via text.

With everything going on I completely shut her out without knowing it. She doesn't even know I'm in the program. Tapping on her contact icon I pressed talk, putting the cold, black iPhone to my ear.

"Common pick up" I whispered waiting as it rang.

"Heelloo?" Audri answered a little confused. I then remembered how early it was, I should of waited to call.

"Hey! Um sorry it's so early... But I miss you and wanted to know if you maybe wanna go somewhere today?....And catch up. I have a lot to tell you." I asked lightly, late minute is not really successful with her.

"Sure! Yeah! Actually today would be great because the kids are at a slumber party and moms going to school today so I'm free all day. Where at?" She said happily, i was relieved because that means she's not mad at me for avoiding her.

"Alright, um I don't know. I will drive over and pick you up then we can think of somewhere random. Is that cool?"

"Yeah, most definitely! I will go get ready. Text me when your on your way."

"Alright. See you then."



Leaning over to the wall I grabbed my charger cord. Sliding out of bed i started walking over to the dresser. I put on some blue skinny jeans and a white shirt, with an orange scarf. Looking in my door mirror I examined my damp curly hair. Leaning over I grabbed a black Hawaiian bandana and put it on like a headband, letting my hair flow free.

Walking down the stairs I brushed my hands on the light yellow walls avoiding the railing. Turning towards the living room I saw my mom and realized I completely forgot about what happened just an hour ago. I really hope she lets me go.

"Hey mom," I said softly walking towards her.


"Is it alright if I go meet up with Audri. I told her I would, and I haven't talked to her in a while. Is that okay?"

She sighed, rolled her eyes, then reached for a bag to put the freshly cooked pancakes in.

"Pleaseee. I promise to call in every time we think of doing something different. And I will bring my changer so my phone doesn't die again." I explained.

"Fine, fine, whatever. Just please be safe."

"Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I said giving her a hug.

I walked over to the key hanger grabbing my keys and opened the front door. "Love you!" I yelled through the door before I shut it, and headed for the car.

"I'm on my way" i typed, pressed send, then immediately saw Audri read the text.

I hooked up my phone charger to the car which let me listen to music. Before fully starting the car I made a quick playlist to listen to, mostly songs Audri would like. Pressing 'Done' I set the phone down then started the car.

Driving to her house the music filled the car with smooth sound.


Harry P.O.V.

Walking into my small flat I rolled my eyes throwing my keys on the wooden coffee table next to the door. I hate coming home to a messy house, but I never clean up. I forget that I'm alone, that my mom isn't here to clean up the house. The front living room had dirty cloths all over the floor. Walking over to my swirly printed couch I plopped down. Feeling something sharp poke my bum and I leaned to the side blindly grabbing it. Moving all the dirty socks, and a pare of black, ripped skinny jeans I grabbed at something cold, and hard. Pulling it up I saw that it was a dirty fork from the takeout I had last week. I don't feel like putting it away so I tossed it on the table and it landed perfectly in an old take out box.

"Nice!" I said pretty proud of what i just did. But then started thinking deeply, looking around the flat.

I really need to clean this house up. If Emma were to come over she would never want to talk to me. This place is a filthy mess!

Standing up I walked over to the kitchen. Looking around I grabbed a trash bag from the bottom drawer next to the sink. Flapping it in the air I looked around deciding where I should start. Normally I like to listen to music to pass the time but I just felt like singing.

"All I want, is the taste that your lips allow. My, my, my, my, give me love..." I sang smiling. All I could think about was the beach.

I really want to ask her to be my girlfriend. I think it's gone to far not to ask, but what if she says no? I don't want to mess anything up.

Looking around, all I have to clean is my bedroom now so I decided to take a break and have a smoke. Turning the tv on I flipped it to the kids channel, they are always most entertaining. I noticed Jessie was on next and I'm happy, it's one of my favorites.

Reaching forward on the clean coffee table I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and my black lighter. I opened the flap, pulled out a cigaret holding it with my mouth throwing the package back on the table. Rubbing my thumb to the lighter I watched it make a flame then lit the cigaret. Gently putting the lighter back, I leaned back slowly inhaling the soothing smoke. Exhaling, the white smoke distorted my vision for a slight moment then faded into the air. My body toned down and I started to relax.


The loud noise of my phone ringing socked me awake. Hurried I looked for my phone realizing it was in the kitchen. Standing up I ran to the kitchen to see who was calling, but I was hoping it was Emma.

Flipping the phone around I saw a face that I haven't seen in a while. My mum was calling me. Hesitant for a moment I declined the call.

I could feel my heart race, and my hand tightened into a fist. Why the bloody hell was she calling!? If she wanted to know how I was doing she could call my cousin like she always does.

The phone then suddenly beeped; a new voicemail. I ended up staring at the screen until it dimmed to sleep. Should I listen to it, or ignore it? Tightly holding the phone in my fist free hand I walked back over to the couch. I decided to lay down putting my head on the armrest and let my feet dangle off the other side.

Taking a deep breath I unlocked the phone and called my voicemail.

"You have one new voice message, press one to listen to your new message now," the computer instructed and I automatically obeyed. After a few moments of silence I could then hear heavy breathing. It sounded as if she was crying. My body flashed with a feeling of fear. What's the matter?

"Hey, it's your mum. I hope you listen to this because I know your never going to listen to me after all I did. But something happened with Lucy. She was in a dealing or whatever it's called... and someone shot her," her voice cracked then she broke down in tears. All I could hear was the devastating sound of her breathing heavy trying to get herself together.

My mind went blank and my skin went cold. Lucy. My best friend since before we could walk. Ever since I moved down here I barely talked to her because she became more involved in drugs. But she still means the world to me. She is like my sister. But she couldn't be dead, she is just wounded. Nothing bad.

I could hear her breathing start to slow down allowing her to talk properly. Her voice slightly deeper and shaky mum continued; "she was found unconscious with massive loss of blood. She was taken to the hospital and they did everything they could to save her but she didn't make it. Lucy is dead Harry. I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to tell you this way bu-" she said but the phone slipped through my fingers onto the floor before I could hear anymore. A tear i didn't even feel form, fell from my eye.

"She's gone. She's gone. She's gone." The piercing words repeated in my head.

She couldn't be dead. She can't be. We had so many plans, so many dreams we were going to achieve together. I started to rub at my arms. I had a sudden itch, but not one that needed a scratch. The lump in my throat seemed to take over my entire body and I loosely fell to the floor. What am I going to do?

Laying on my side I pulled my knees closer to my chest. I felt as if a thousand pound blanket was laying on top of me, but instead of feeling squished, I felt death. As if all the feelings of sadness, anger, fear, and neglect were sinking through my skin into my veins. I shut my eyes tight wishing this feeling would stop.

"I'm sorry Harry. I'm sorry. She's dead. Harry." The voices of my mum rang through my head. I covered my ears and started to scream, but I could still hear her voice.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I repeatedly yelled until I couldn't breath. The tears controlled my lungs.

I could see the sun begin to fall, but I could move. My head was pounding and I could feel the blood in my eyes. My body was so exhausted I shut my eyes and drifted to sleep.

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