Alone in decision. Too afraid to ask anyone on opinion, a seventeen year old girl lies to her mother to go to a twelve step program in hope of cleaning herself up. But will it all go as planned? Or just make situations worse? No matter what happens, her life will be changed and she won't ever turn back.


6. Chapter Five

Walking into the familiar grey room I walked over to the table searching for my name tag. Tearing off the back to reveal the sticky side I could feel an extra set of hands on my hips. A warm but soothing breath landed on my ear following with a familiar voice that gave me butterflies.

"You look smashing. Hey babe." Harry whispered in my ear with a smile. I couldn't help but smile back and turn around to face him. Looking into his eyes I noticed our lips were inches apart. My stomach sucked in preventing me to breath. i kept getting flashbacks from my dream and i could feel my heart stop then beat faster. Looking at his lips they started to move closer, but before he could go any further I immediately moved to give him a hug.

"Hey Harry." I said giving him a small peck on the side of his cheek. I could feel his warm chest raise when he sighed in disappointment. leaning away from his face i could see his eyes on the floor with a frown and then looked at me with a slight fake smile. feeling embarrassed i turned away and looked on the table for his name tag. i felt his hands softly grab my hips again and i couldn't help but smile. grabbing his name tag i peeled it and placed it onto his shirt feeling his mussels. i bit my lip and slowly rubbed the paper to take out the air bubble.

"wow" i said then looked into his beautiful green eyes. he gave me a slight smirk showing his dimples and my heart melted.

"alright guys come sit down we are about to begin the session" Mark interrupted with a slight smile and i noticed everyone was staring at us.

Sitting down Mark continued, "okay so you all know that today is a very big day for us. I am so proud you all came out here today instead of simply walking away. Now you all know this is the day we finally admit why we came here in the first place. Today is when we finally admit our problems, our addictions. The first step to overcoming them is to admit to yourself you have one. And with you all sitting in this circle today, your halfway there." He smiled looking us all confidently in the eye. But I looked down before he looked at me. "Now I will start off with myself and we will go from there. Does that sound alright?"

Everyone slightly nodded and he began.

"Okay well, about five years ago I went through a horrible divorce...with my wife. We were high school sweet hearts until we tied the knot a year after we graduated" he looked down and smiled "the summer of 95'. everything was perfect, well seemed that way at least. for about three months we had been trying for a baby with no luck, we finally decided to go to the doctors about it. he gave us some pills and sent us on our way. that's when everything went downhill. she always made up excuses like she wasn't feeling well, or it was 'that time of the month' and i started to worry. she made more solo Doctor appointment than needed and would always disappear with 'her friends' for lunch last minute. Marriage is built around trust and i respected that, so i kept my distance. but then i just couldnt take it anymore. one afternoon when she was out i called her bestfriend she was supposed to be meeting with if she had seen my wife, and she informed me she hasent talked to her since yesterday morning. i overreacted and rushed down to the doctors office to see if she so happened to be there. and she was. right as i opened the door to the room they were in, i saw her hovered over the doctor kissing down his neck with her hand in the front of his pants. i was devistated. after that, we divorced and she ran off with the doctor somewhere in New York." He paused looking at the gray walls in front of him with a blank face. Memories of pain filled his mind, it was easy to see looking into his eyes.

He exhaled quickly looking up giving a small smile.

"Weeks passed and all I did was sit at the bar drinking until I couldn't drink anymore. I was involved into so many fights I lost count. And I lost my job almost getting kicked out my own house. I was officially an alcoholic. I didn't care about anything else but getting a drink. Every evening when I would walk in, the bartender already had my first round. It was like a routine. As time passed my pain for her just grew stronger. I was heart broken. One night I was at the bar and my arm started to hurt. I ignored it but then suddenly I fell to the ground filled with pain. All I remember next was waking up in the hospital with the doctors telling me I suffered from a heart attack. I could of died. I knew I had to change what I was doing. So I went to a program similar to this one. Then decided I wanted to help others, so now I'm working for this program. Five years sober." He said with a confident smile. Everyone was still silent but nodded in response.

"Well now I have told my story, who wants to go next?" He asked and everyone's eyes were to the gray cold floor.

An old Mexican lady slid to the front of her seat, eventually stood, and began. My mind went blank, I was terrified. After she went others followed. Everyone growing more comfortable to speak out but I just sat there. My heart was basically beating out of my chest. I couldn't stop rubbing my sweaty hands on my pants. Harry nudged my arm with his elbow and I almost jumped out of you seat.

"Yah nervous?" He whispered to me a little confused.

I nodded then shook my head which made him confused. He grabbed my hand tilting his head towards me me hinting I should look at him. So I did. His eyes were honest and loving. He nodded to me sincerely telling me that everything will be okay. My heart calmed and I felt a little better. I smiled to him then looked back to the ground. He let go of my hand and stood up. My eyes went wide and I sharply listened.

"Uh ello everyone. My name's Harry..." Everyone silent and listening, he continued, "well earlier this month I lived back in the UK going to school, living a normal life. All of my friends were into drugs and I decided to try them out. And once I did, I never stopped. I was first introduced to pills. My friends sold me their ADHD medication. When that wasn't enough they introduced me to acid. After partying with Lucy long enough, I needed something more. I discovered heroin on my own but didn't like the way it made me feel so I started doing cocaine at parties and it was getting out of control. My life literally came crashing down. I got kicked out of school and my mum kicked me out of the flat. She thought I was 'too dangerous' but whatever. Luckily I have a cousin who lives down here with his own business so I moved down here and started living with him. I got off the drugs when I was with him and started working for him and everything. Later on I got enough to rent out a flat which meant I was a free man." Harry laughed then continued "I thought I was slick when I started at them again but I guess I wasn't. My cousin pulled me aside and told me to get myself together and made me sign up for this class...and yep." He shrugged his shoulders then sat down.

Slightly looking around everyone was staring at me. I realized I was the last one, so it was obviously my turn. Slowly standing up I could feel my ears burning and it hurt. 'Crap crap crap' i kept thinking to myself. Clearing my throat I began.

"Um.. My name is Emma... And I umm... Wow this is uh harder than I thought." My voice was cracking and my eyes started to water. I am so nervous. Looking down at my hands I tried to swallow the lump in my throat so I could speak properly.

"Um well uh- I. Well a few years ago. My friends always joked about uh... about porn. And about sex. And um I was interested about what it actually was..." My hands started to shake. I could barely speak. This was actually happening.

"So...I looked it up. And when I did it soon became something regular, basically second nature. I never told anyone because I didn't know what they would think of me. I was ashamed and embarrassed. But I couldn't stop. One night I heard my mom talking about people addicted to photography and just sex in general and how weak and pathetic those kinds of people are. She had no clue. But I can't blame her, because that's why my dad left." It was like my voice collapsed and I could barely even breath. My face and shirt were so wet from the tears. I don't want to see their faces after sitting down. I didn't want to see Harry's face. So I decided to run for the door. Before I could hear Mark call for me to come back I was out the door. Running down the cold, grey hallway I slowed to a walk.

It sounded like footsteps behind me but I couldn't tell the difference from my tears and heavy breathing. Before I went to turn the corner a warm hand gently grabbed mine causing me to turn. Trying to make focus through my tears I realized I was looking into the sweet eyes of Harry. Quickly looking away embarrassed he held up my chin so I had to look at him. There was no disapproval in his eyes, and I felt safe. Leaning closer he took my wet cheeks into his soft hands. He stopped inches away from my face. The desire to feel his warmth grew so strong I filled in the space between us with my lips on his.

My head was pounding and so was my heart. Every negative feeling inside of me disappeared. I felt happy and secure. I never wanted this moment to end. My arms wrapped around his neck and I could feel his chest rumble from a slight moan. He was so warm. Putting my fingers through his hair he placed his hands on my hips pulling me closer. I felt his body begin to rock and I started to get nervous.

Pulling away he sighed, "sorry. too much." He looked down smiling showing his dimples. I slightly laughed then he grabbed my hands pulling me closer again.

"Hey, let's get out of here. I know a place we can go. We can get something to eat and just forget about everything." He earnestly said looking me deep in the eyes. I couldn't help but smile, that wouldn't be a bad idea.

"Okay. I guess. But before we do I'm just gonna call my mom and tell her I'm gonna be late." I said laughing and he rolled his eyes smiling holding my hand and we both headed towards the exit.

I called my mom and left a message. And Harry started driving.

"So where are we going?" I asked trying to figure it out. But he laughed grabbing my hand with his free one grinning.

"Well I guess you'll just have to find out when we get there." He said pulling my hand up and kissing it slowly. I laughed and sat back excited for the adventure.

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