Alone in decision. Too afraid to ask anyone on opinion, a seventeen year old girl lies to her mother to go to a twelve step program in hope of cleaning herself up. But will it all go as planned? Or just make situations worse? No matter what happens, her life will be changed and she won't ever turn back.


12. Chapter Eleven

Harry P.O.V.

Louis's name lit up my phone but I didn't answer. I'm so relieved Emma wasn't here to see me cry like this. When she left me alone, I finally got to fully collect everything that's actually happening; Emma is finally mine, Lucy's gone, and Louis is after me.

Walking into the kitchen I picked up all the empty bottles of alcohol I sucked down yesterday. Why would I do that? Then invite Emma over to see it? Embarrassed and mad at myself, I threw one towards the back corner aiming for the trash as hard as I could. But it missed, and glass shattered everywhere. "Ah shit," I said under my breath walking over to the door to grab some shoes. Leaning down, I went to grab my shoes and noticed a pair of rose print Toms; Emma's shoes are still here. She must have grabbed mine instead, but I couldn't blame her; she was in a hurry to get back to her mum.

For a second my mood changed; I was happy. I don't know how someone's shoes could do that, but they did. Suddenly images of last night flashed through my mind. But then I felt guilty. I couldn't tell if it was real for me, or if I did it because of everything going on. I was so drunk last night I'm surprised she even walked in. Emma doesn't seem like the type to fall for a guy like me. I mean, she has her secrets, but she isn't a bad girl. And I don't want to turn her into one the same way I turned Lucy into one.

Grabbing my bright green running shoes, I slowly walked back into the kitchen keeping my eyes on the tan tile floor. Reaching for the yellow broom from in between the refrigerator and the dishwasher, I looked around the floor for shiny pieces of blue glass. Sweeping it all up, I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I was going to ignore it, but I realized it was just a text message so I looked to see who it was from.

'Two new messages'

Unlocking the phone I saw that I had one message from Emma, and one from Louis. When I saw his name my heart started to race as I opened his message.

'You can't hide forever, don't forget that.'

My hands started to sweat. Why am I so scared of him? We used to be so close, and now he is threatening to kill me. Memories filled my mind from when we were kids. We were so innocent and happy. But when we got older, everything changed.

When Louis was only 16, his father was killed in a hit-and-run car crash. Everyone said it was an accident and he lost control; but I never believed it. His dad was nice, but he wasn't good. Ever since his parents divorce when he was 10, his dad was never around. He always said he was 'out of town' but I knew what he was doing. Everyone did.

When he died, Louis wanted to follow in his footsteps. He wanted to try to fill in that gap, but he definitely didn't do it right.

Louis has this thing about him that makes you always want to stay on his good side. That's how he became so powerful. Connecting with his dads old links, slowly he made it to the top becoming one of the most powerful dealers. No one wants to mess with him.

Louis offered to take me under, he wanted me to join him. And I did, that's how I got into drugs. But then I saw who he really was.

Once when I was with him, we visited some guy. I didn't think much of it, but when he had his crew of tall, buff men with him; I knew something was up. It turned out that the guy owed Louis money, and couldn't pay him back when we came. With no emotion, no hesitation; Louis had his guys beat him half to death. Putting him in the hospital for over a week. It terrified me, so I left. He got pissed and said i owed him money; I knew he was lying but I paid it off anyway. And though I was done with him, Lucy didn't see anything wrong. Now I'm the one who has to take the fall.

Looking at Louis text I started to type, but what would I say? Staring at the screen I took a deep breath and went over to Emma's text.

'Hey, I think I left my shoes at your house xD'

I smiled to myself. With everything going on right now, how could she make me feel so different, like none of this crap was happening? Setting the phone on the table, I finished sweeping the floor. Pulling the duster off the yellow neck, I swept up all the dust and glass. I dumped the duster in the trash carefully watching making sure nothing fell out. Walking over to the counter, I grabbed the last of the empty bottles in between my fingers, and set them inside the trash lightly. Grabbing my phone I walked over to the couch. I pushed the white sheet off and laid on my back, setting my head on the armrest. Normally this place is cold, but my body feels warm. Maybe Emma was right about my fever.

Walking to my yellow and white bathroom, I walked over to the toilet where a tan basket was placed on top. My homemade headbands were mostly what I saw inside. But I remember putting my thermometer in here once, but looking through my mess; I didn't see it. Looking around, my eyebrows pressed together. Where was it? I noticed my arms felt fairly sore, so I started to rub them. My lungs felt heavy making it hard to breathe. Walking back into the living room I had a tall, black shelf filled with books. But at the top was a plastic box; mostly filled with cough medicines, and a red medic pouch. Easily reaching up, I gently grabbed the pouch and examined it, just to make sure it's what I thought; red leather with a white medic cross. Slowly I unzipped it, walking over to the coffee table near the couch. I fully opened it only seeing band aids at first. Searching through I found what I was looking for.

"Yes!" I said triumphantly at my discovery.

Pressing the blank, blue button; the thermometer came to life. After a few moments, I opened my mouth sliding it under my tongue. I could taste the familiar medal, and the coldness of its touch. It reminded me of when I was little. After about a minute the thermometer beeped. Looking at the number my eyes went wide. ‘101 °F’’, I don't feel that bad? But it made me worry. I remember my mom taking care of me, how can I do this myself? As I went to go set the thermometer down, my body became weaker. There was a pull in my stomach and the feeling that I needed to throw up was rising up my throat. Scared of what was happening I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

Sliding into my black Range Rovers leather seats, I pulled up a map to the nearest hospital. Studying the blue line that guided the way, I headed off.

Driving, all I could think about was Louis. He must have done something to cause this. Looking around I examined every driver in hopes I would see him just to know where he was. The message he sent flickered in my head. I know I can't hide from him, I know he's watching. Walking into the grey carpeted hospital, I approached a young lady who definitely didn't know how to put on makeup properly.

"Just one moment please," the young lady said using a fake, high-pitched, friendly voice.

"Okay, thank you." I said in return, placing my elbows on the sparkly tan counter, leaning against it.

She dashed a look at me and quickly looked away. I noticed she was biting her cheeks, and her face shaded red, she was blushing. I smiled looking away; I forget that I have an accent to other people that live here. But it's always interesting when I'm reminded of it.

"Okay, what can I help you with?" She asked softly, trying to stay casual.

"Well uh... I wasn't feeling so well, so I took my temp, it was bloody high so I came here." I admitted a little embarrassed, I could see she was trying not to laugh.

"Okay well, you need to fill this out," she began, grabbing a blue clipboard and a paper handing it to me. To the right there was a flower pot filled with pens connected to giant flowers. Quickly looking for the smallest flower, I grabbed a yellow one and walked over to sit down.


"Well, it looks like you are coming on with a fever. I would usually send you back home, but since you said you live alone, and you have a fever this high, you are going to stay overnight." A man in an all blue scrubs explained.

His white hair was so short and thin he could be mistaken as bald. Looking at his calm face I trusted him. This was all so new to me, growing up I was never sick. I have only gone to the hospital twice in my life and both for someone else. Looking around my room for the night, I felt comfortable. Everything light blue, and white. Sitting up in the bed I felt the soft cotton sheets trying to adapt to my new surroundings.

"Okay, so what do I do now?" I asked looking into the kind doctor's blue eyes.

"Well I suggest getting some rest, with your temperate this high you need to lay low for a bit. Let the antibiotics do their job." He said with a welcoming smile, then pressing his lips together, softly nodding his head.

Looking down at my IV I could feel the clear tape hug my skin. I nearly forgot this was in my hand. "Okay," I said leaning back into the hospital bed watching as he left the room.

The bed was still up, so when I laid back I was still sitting upright. I remembered the nurse telling me how to control it so I looked for the remote. Grabbing for the giant remote connected to the bed I pressed buttons until I found the correct one. Leaning back I made sure not to go fully down so I could still feel comfortable. I stared at the white wall with a blue stripe across the middle of it.

I wonder what Emma is doing. Leaning over I grabbed my phone from off the nightstand to my left and unlocked the screen. I went to her messages and tapped on the camera to take a picture. At first I saw my legs in the light blue blankets, then I turned the camera around seeing my reflection. Bags under my eyes, my face was light red and my lips were a shade lighter. I looked sick.

Extending my arms, I tried to take a good picture of myself and everything around me. After a few tries, I picked one that made me look at least half alive. Inserting the picture into the message box, I sent it to Emma. Slightly laughing, I pictured what her reaction would be. Feeling a pull in my chest I slowly lay back groaning. It felt like someone was in control of my body, and every time I disobeyed I was punished by pain. I hated this. One second I'm happy, the next is pain and a burning all over my body.

Grabbing the bed remote I made the bed sit me back up. Before moving I removed the thin blanket, pulling it to the opposite side of the bed. Slowly I leaned over pushing my legs from off the bed. I ignored the pull in my stomach and slowly stood, halfway leaning on my cold IV stand. Next stop: the bathroom. I would use the one in my room but it's oddly too small to fit this IV machine thing in.

My knees were slightly shaking, and I started to become lightheaded. I didn't feel like giving in on this war going on in my body, so I bravely headed for the door. Finally turning the knob I opened the heavy door and walked out of my room and into the hall. It was fairly quiet with hints of soft beeps every once in a while. It wasn't as busy as it was earlier, but I assume that was because it was so late into the night. The lighting of the white and blue halls was a fluorescent green. No natural lighting came from the dark windows. Looking around, the rooms all seemed empty. Some rooms had curtains with the TV creating a light show. As odd as it sounds, I kind of like it here.

Finally approaching the bathroom I easily got inside, bringing in my new antibiotics robot buddy. This bathroom was tan, and massive. Setting my machine over in the corner (but not far enough that it would pull my IV) I turned, catching my eye through the mirror. My cheeks were a light red and I could tell I needed sleep - and a hair brush.

Just before doing "the deed", someone knocked at the door.

"Ello is there' someone in here?", a familiar voice with a deep English accent asked. My heart stopped, and my eyes went wide. It was Louis. In a deep panic I replied using the best American accent I could do.

"Yeah bro, I might be a while though." I said loudly, then groaning in hopes to disgust him.

"Uh... Alright mate, take your time. I'm off anyway." He said with a bit of confusion in his tone.

I could almost imagine what his face would look like. His brown eyes narrow and his nose soft, but his eyebrows wrinkled together. I could see him slightly shaking his head with his mouth open but molded into a straight like, as he tried to process why someone would react how I did.

"Sorry bro." I replied slowly walking to the door, I held my breath in hopes he somehow wouldn’t guess I was lying.

Leaning over, I placed my ear to the door so I could hear his voice. I made sure to breath very soft. Thinking quickly I turned off the bathroom light so he couldn’t see my feet shadow through the door crack. The room was dark except for the floor crack. A slight echo of my heart filled my ears and the room. To concentrate I cloths my eyes and focused on the outside.

"Uh, sir. visiting hours are over." A woman informed him with a soft voice. I could tell she was approaching him by the way her voice grew louder by every word.

"Oh shut up I'm here for business." Louis snapped at her.

"You need to leave or I will call security."

"Look bitch, I don't need you getting in my way. I'm here for business that needs to get taken care of right now. Not tomorrow, but today. I am looking for a guy who owes me a lot of money." Louis said calmly, but even his calm voice was very intimidating.

The nurse started to speak but he interrupted, "I need your help, what's your name?" He asked sounding softer as if he was walking closer to her, now his tone was friendlier.

"Rachel," she said with a soft tremble in her voice. He must be up against her now.

"Well, Rachel. I need you to look up a name for me. Can you do that?" He said smoothly and softer, like he was whispering it in her ear.

There was silence.

"Good girl. Now, the name,” He paused for a brief moment then continued; “I need you to look him up and tell me where the hell he is in this bloody hospital." He paused taking a deep breath from frustration.

"Okay, okay. I will." She said breathless, the softness in her voice was gone. She was afraid.

"I need you to find me,” he said demanding, with a coldness in his voice; “Harry Styles."

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