My D.I.Y Diary

As you can see, this is my diary. Well, basically I just write out things that my friends and family can't know here. And it wasn't pretty good.. but there is some REALLY great stuff I write here.

I think that's it, and if you want to read this, please read! Favorite or like or comment on this movella, please. You will make this one girl happy.


12. Monday and Tuesday

I hate it. Totally hate it. I mean, can Movella gets an auto save thing for the app?! Ugh. I have to rewrite the whole chapter. I don't want to do it. So. You're not going to see a part. All because this stupid no-auto-save thing.

Skip to break time.

I'm totally mad. Totally totally mad. Real mad. Yeah, I know hat you maybe reading this right now or you already know by my glances and stares. But seriously. Avoiding me?! Okay, it's a rant.

My friend A is getting too close to my liking. And he's like, 'it's okay' though if it's me he would avoid me. Seriously. *eye roll*

You're so dead in my mind IHY.

I try to see from his POV. If someone has a crush on me, and I believe someone do, what will I do? Will I be avoiding him? Yeah... not so. Um, yeah. I think yes. Because I don't know him. And as my friend S say, he didn't know who I am. In fact, she say he ask who am I at LINE. He don't know who am I and I want to keep it that way. So if he ask who I am, at LINE, I wouldn't say anything.

If he really curious, then he will ask my friends.

Wait. Do you know who I mean when I type 'and I believe someone do'? It's rat. Read the chapter before this one.

I believe he do. Dropping subtle hint. When he passing me and my friend at the occasion back at Sunday, he slowed down when he passed me. I was like, 'what do you want?!'. I suspect this long ago. And if I was sitting at the right side but he is sitting at the left side of the class whatever he do he will pass my seat. And like searching for reason to stay there. -_- never like it.

I'm NOT that type of stalker. Never stalker in is my point. It made all of this a game. But it won't if I hate IHY. Since he avoid me I start hating him. Every time I see him all I could think is 'you don't understand why' or 'you'll never know'.

But that's all today. Too short? I will give you some extras! It's about the song by Evanescence titled The Change. I will give you the song meaning by me. I think that fit me so well. Based on personal reason. For more, read the Sunday, 13 April chapter (the 'before' chapter).

The Change

Thought that I was strong, I know the words I need to say

Frozen in my place, I let the moment slip away

--for me I could take example from a guy that would ask his crush to hang out. He planned how he would say it, like 'Hey, wanna hang out?' or something along that line. But when he sees his crush, suddenly he feels like he couldn't say anything. Then his crush passed by and the chance if asking her out is slipping away.

--the personal Sunday for me. It's when U and I would make the swimming decision. I know I have to say 'no I don't want to' but I can't. So when they wasn't looking at me I suddenly feels that I can. Then A is gone and the moment is gone.

I've been screaming on the inside and I know you feel the pain

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Aaa aaa aaa

--there's no example I could think.

--the personal Sunday for me. I was blaming U for being stubborn on the inside, screaming on the inside to her. And I know she could feel that I am doing it.


--that lines can be taken from U's side. She's screaming at me because I don't want to go swim with her, and she feels gutted because of it. She knew I could feel her pain.

Say it's over

Yes it's over

But I need you anyway

Say you love me but it's not enough...

--the personal Sunday. The first lines is from U's POV and second is mine and third is hers and fourth is mine. 'Say it's over' is how I picture when I say I'm going to break our friendship. 'Yes it's over' is me clarify that. 'But I need you anyway' yeah, needs me. 'Say you love me but it's not enough' that's true.

Never meant to lie, but I'm not the girl you think you know

--the personal Sunday. I never meant to lie to anyone, but I'm not someone they know anymore. I changed. I get more extreme.

The more that I am with you, the more that I am all alone

--the personal Sunday. That's the point. I spent about hours with U that keeps quiet and abandoned me. Neglected me. So the more that ism with her the more that I am alone.

I've been screaming on the inside and I know you feel the pain

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Aaa aaa aaa

Say it's over yes it's over but I need you anyway

Say you love me hit it's not enough

Not that I'm so different

Not that I don't see the dying light of what we used to be

--the personal Sunday. The first line is the one I don't understand. The second line, that's important. It doesn't mean that I don't see that our relationship is slowly dying.

But how could I forgive you? You change

And I'm a liar by your side

--the personal Sunday. For me, forgiving is the same as accepting. How could I accept her? She changed from the person that think we all is the same to a brat. And I'm a liar by her side because I'm lying about my feeling.

I'm about to lose my mind

--my head is exploding because of the conflict.

Cause I've been screaming on the inside and I know you feel the pain

Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Aaa

You've been dreaming if you're thinking that I still belong to you

And I've been dying cause I'm lying to myself

Aaa aaa aaa

--the personal Sunday. They are dreaming if they think I am still extremely loyal to them. I understand them as my friend. Just friend. And I'm dying inside because I always lied to myself about they would change into an understanding person.


(I'm sorry I didn't update for days! I have trouble with my internet connection. So far, at 16 April 2014, nothing happened. So, byeee!)

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