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So it all comes down to this day.
16 years of waiting. 16 years of pretending to be someone else and now it’s going to change. Am I Abnegation? Each day of my life I’ve tried to be selfless, I’ve tried to think of others before myself but it was just too hard because I've had so much needs and I couldn't afford to be selfless. How can I say that? I shook my head in disgust, I haven’t even chosen a faction yet and I’m already betraying my birth faction. But that doesn’t matter anymore, the events of what occurred yesterday is what matters.
I am Divergent.
Well, that's what my administrator for the aptitude test told me yesterday. Apparently I am a threat to this society. They’re going to kill me if they find out and I’m pretty sure I can’t hide it forever. I am what destroys the society. I am one of those people that don’t just want to be one thing but everything. And as I thought about it, it’s true. Being just one thing doesn’t make you a whole, it just makes you incomplete and I wonder why people would want that. To explore each faction would be a dream but would also be a treachery.
I’ve had many thoughts ever since I found out who I truly am and I have no idea what to choose now. If I choose Abnegation, I would betray myself. If I choose Dauntless I would betray my family. If I choose Erudite, I would betray my faction. It’s all such a blur now. I haven’t even told my mother or anyone who I am or what my results are. Don’t trust anyone. That’s what my administrator told me. Does that also mean that I shouldn’t trust her? That I shouldn’t trust her advice because she may be a threat and that I should just tell my family because they’ve known me for 16 years rather than 20 minutes?
Why me? I asked myself.
Because you are special. You want something not many wants. You yearn for diversity. You want what our society truly needs.
My mind is getting the better of me…
“Caleb Prior,” said Marcus and my eyes widened.
I turned my head to my left and watched as my brother was rubbing his palms against his leg then he stood up and walked towards the stage. Marcus gave him an assuring smile and Caleb didn’t return it. What is he doing? My eyes followed him as he sliced his palm with the knife and held it up. He’s definitely going to choose Abnegation because if he were truly selfless he should think of our family before himself. I looked at my parents and they look like they were about to cry then I divert my eyes back on Caleb and the whole room was quiet because one of the councilman’s son is about to make the decision of his life. He moved his hands towards the water and dropped his blood. Erudite. I knew it. I shook my head and smiled to myself. I can’t blame him. The crowd of blue clothed people started clapping their hands and the whole Abnegation went quiet. I turned my gaze towards my parents and my dad was staring wide eyed at Caleb while my mom was just smiling. Why is she smiling? Once Caleb took his seat with the blue people I realized that it was my turn next. Oh my God. I thought hard about what I should choose. Should I betray everyone including myself? I should just be Amity. Yeah. The nice people. I nodded to myself and turned my gaze towards the Amity people and they were all smiling. But do I belong there? No. But if someone finds out about me then I’d be dead before I can even walk out the room. I started getting nervous as time ticked by and I began to rub my palms on my thighs. I bit my lip as fear started to get the better of me and all I wanted to do was run away. I looked left and right and on the corner of my eye I saw Marcus read the paper. I’m not ready. I’ll just be Amity. But this is the choice of a lifetime. I can never change. A choice will define me but if I choose Amity is that really who I am? No. Neither is Abnegation or Erudite or Dauntless or Candor. I am not any of them.
I am Divergent.
I closed my eyes and thought hard. I have no other choice.
“Beatrice Prior,” said Marcus.
My eyes widened and I stood up. I smoothed down my gray clothes and my hands were shaking and I was terrified, I sneaked a glance at my parents and they were smiling wide at me. I can’t betray them. I walked down the stairs rather slow to kill time and as I reached the stage, Marcus gave me a wide smile and handed me the knife. I took a deep breath and sliced my palm and watched as blood trickled down my skin. I am Divergent. I am different. I turned around and watched the five factions as they stare at me awaiting my decision. I am not any of them. I took a deep breath and walked towards the five bowls. I moved in front of the Abnegation one and raised my palm. Are you really? I shook my head and walked towards Dauntless and once I raised my palm, the whole Dauntless faction started whooping and cheering. No. I walked towards Amity and bit my lip. This is harder than I thought it would be.
“Just pick already dammit!” shouted a Candor boy.
I ignored him then turned around, facing the crowd. All these people are controlled. Do I want to be controlled? No. I dropped my hand to my sides and everyone stared at me wide eyed. Marcus went to my side.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
I ignored him and pushed him away. I looked at my parents and they were gawking at me, I looked at my brother and he wasn’t even looking at me in the eye…like he was ashamed of me. I looked at the Amity, the Candor, the Abnegation, the Dauntless and the Erudite, every single eye staring straight at mine.
“My name is Beatrice Prior,” I said out loud. “And this society has changed us, ruined us and made us become people we are not. We were sent into this world to discover who we truly are. Being one thing doesn’t make us a whole; it makes us insufficient. Wouldn’t you all want to explore yourself? Explore the different factions? A choice is what defines you and if you choose something you’re not then do you think you belong there? No.”
“What are you saying, Beatrice?” said Marcus to me in an exasperated tone.
I turned my head towards him and gave him a big smile. I know what I’m doing and this is who I am.
“Are you going to pick a faction or not?! We don’t have all day,” said the same Candor boy.
“I choose,” I said then paused for a second and took a quick glance at my parents and they were about to cry. “Factionless”
Silence. Complete silence.
The whole room was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. I looked at my parents at they were staring at me wide eyed…correction, everyone was staring at me wide eyed. Suddenly, a girl in a blue dress stood up and walked towards me. She had short blonde hair and she looked smart, just like all the Erudite. Once she was right in front of me, she gave me a reassuring smile but it looked as fake as plastic.
“Excuse me, Beatrice,” she said softly. “That is not possible”
I shook my head and gave her a grin. “I don’t want to be controlled by you idiots”
“This form of society isn’t to control everyone but to be in peace,” she said sternly.
“You know nothing about peace,” I snarled at her.
“You cannot be factionless unless you want to starve to death and die” she said.
“I’d rather die than be controlled,” I snapped at her. “I don’t want to be one thing. I want to be whole”
“We do not tolerate that in our system,” she said sharply then inched closer to me.
I wasn’t scared at all. Instead I took a step towards her and glared daggers at her.
“Then I’m not part of this system,” I said to her then took five steps back and stared at the crowd then I raised my hands up in exasperation. “They say your choice defines you and this is who I am”
I stared at my parents and gave them one last smile before walking out of the room. No one spoke as I walked towards the doors and I had a feeling something bad was going to happen. I looked up at the crowd one last time but my eyes met with a dark blue pair of eyes that was staring at me like I was a wild creature, I ignored it and continued walking. But once I touched the doors, the lady in blue spoke once again.
“Guards,” she said boldly.
My eyes widened and I turned my head back and saw a bunch of Dauntless guards running towards me. I pushed open the doors and ran. The last thing I heard was a familiar scream of a mother trying to save her daughter but it’s all muffled now. I ran down the stairs and out in the streets. I looked left and right and felt panic starting to rise in my body, I can feel my heart pumping fast against my chest. I have never felt so alive in my whole life before. I removed my grey sweater and threw it to the ground. I checked my watch and it was already 2:50pm then I remembered. Trains. After watching the Dauntless kids jump inside the train all my life, I’ve memorized the train schedule and I know there was one at 3pm. I ran away from my position and towards the train tracks, luckily most of the people went to the Choosing Ceremony so there was not much people out in the streets. Once I was nearing the train tracks, suddenly I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Out of instinct, even though I know nothing about fighting, I turned around and punched the first thing I was near and that was a man’s chest. I screamed and struggled to get out of his grip but he was too strong. I’m dead now. I can’t run.
“Let me go!” I shouted at the man and tears started to form in my eyes, even though my vision was blurry I knew he was Dauntless because of his black clothes and toned muscles.
I grabbed his arms and tried to push him back but he didn’t even move an inch. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him and that’s when I saw the same guy that was staring at me in the Choosing Ceremony. Mr. Dark Blue eyes. His eyes caught me and I was lost for words. His hands were on my shoulder and my waist and mine were on his arms. We were uncomfortably close and it bothered me. I’ve never been this close to a man. Goosebumps went down my spine and I pushed him away, catching him off guard which made him let go of me. I turned around and decided to run away before he catches me again. I’m not getting myself caught.
“Wait!” he shouted but I kept running. “I’m not a guard. I’m not going to hurt you!”
Liar. I kept running and I checked my watch and it was already 2:58pm and the train was coming anytime soon and I didn’t have the luxury to talk to strangers. My legs started to get tired and I realized that to be able to get on the train I had to climb the ladder going up. I groaned in anger because I had just wasted all my energy in running away from a male model, Mr. Dark Blue eyes. I turned my head and saw him running after me, my eyes widened and I started climbing the ladder, ignoring the aching pains on my shins.
“Stop!” he shouted at me when I was halfway up the stairs and he wasn’t even climbing after me. He’s not even trying to get me.
“Leave me alone! Please spare me,” I said to him in a pleading voice.
“I’m not trying to hurt you,” he exasperated.
“And you expect me to believe you?” I shouted down at him when I reached the top, I checked my watch, 2:59pm.
If I don’t move I swear I’ll get killed by the train.
“Yes,” he shouted up at me.
“Because I am Divergent,” he said in a low voice, it was amazing that I was able to hear him.
My eyes widened. No way. I looked at him in the eyes and he said it with so much truth. My breathing started to get ragged and he started climbing up the ladder then once he reached the top he was staring at me and I at him.
“Divergent,” He finished my sentence then gave me a wide smile.
“Shush, the train’s coming” he said then suddenly he jumped from the side where we were standing to the other side.
I looked at him like he was crazy. I mean did he expect me to jump about 6 feet to the other side? I’ll die. He shook his head at me then reached his hand out and that’s when we heard the sound of the train. My eyes widened and I grabbed his hand then he pulled me to his side right when the train whipped past me. I started breathing heavily against him then I pulled away. Suddenly, the car door opened and he jumped in and I started jogging then sprinting towards the train, his head popped out and he reached out his hand which I grabbed without hesitation then I was pulled in. We were both breathing heavily as we lay on the floor of the train.
“Who are you?” I asked the man as I stood up and leaned against the train walls.
“My name’s Four,” he said then smiled at me.
“Four,” I repeated and thought it was such an unusual name.
“Yup,” he replied. “Beatrice?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked. “Being factionless, I mean?”
“Yeah,” I said then looked out the window. “Being one thing is just not enough. Wouldn’t you want to be everything? Wouldn’t you want people to stop controlling you? That’s what peace is. They know nothing about peace”
“I know, I’ve thought the same thing all my life,” he whispered.
“Why are you here?” I wondered as I stared at his eyes.
“I want to help you,” he said.
“With what?” I asked.
What exactly am I doing? I chose to be factionless…so what now?
“To fight for our freedom,” he said with so much ambition. “For everyone’s freedom”
I smiled at him and realized that he was right. Freedom is what we needed not people controlling us to what they think is peace. I know the consequences of what I chose to do and I am willing to sacrifice myself for as long as something changes. At least one thing. Four was staring out at the window and I knew he was thinking too. At least I'm not alone and I dont know if I can trust him but he's the only hope I have. The train kept moving and we were now nearing the fence and it was such a beautiful day. We would form a revolution, to fight for what’s right. And even though I’ve left my family I’ve done it for my own benefit. I don’t fit in anywhere. I am a traitor of my faction and my family. I am a renegade. But there’s one thing that I didn’t betray and that’s myself.
They built the fence because the war was over and they wanted to leave the remains of what happened out there but little did they know that the war hasn’t ended. Little do they know that there is already a war happening inside.
I looked at Four and said to myself that what I am about to do wont be easy, that safety isn’t an option and that danger was a friend.
But the thing is, I didn’t choose danger. It chose me.