The Left Side
The loud bell rang signaling the end of my Modern Literature class and the end of the school day. I gathered my things and rushed out of the lecture hall. Numerous students who have finally started appreciating literature and their creators swarmed me.
I felt a strong pair of hands land on my shoulders that pulled me out of crowd. Knowing who it was, I couldn't stop the smile that crept up on my face. Liam had a big goofy grin on his face and so did I. He was clad in a pair of jeans and a white shirt that hugged his torso perfectly.
"Hey." He greeted me. "Hi, thanks for pulling me out of that mess." I told him as his arms sneaked their way from my back to my waist. "Anything for a lovely girl like you," now, this is probably worth clearing up.
Liam and I, we're not together. We flirt, a lot and we like hanging out with each other and we sorta liked each other but that's about as far as it went. Him and I we're best friends. We loved each other that way but we both like to keep it casual. We just plain out like to keep each other for flirtatious company because, as weird as it is, we're just protective of each other like that. We don't want the others heart to ache and break like it once did before for someone else.
"So, game for the Havoc?" He asked as we briskly walked the halls. "Yes, please!" Near the exit of the buildings were the lockers and where there are lockers, there are bullies.
Liam and I watched as two guys tried to break open a locker. The owner of the locker was nowhere to be found. Finally, they were able to pry the metal door open. Inside were a neat array lf books and notebooks and nothing more. When they saw nothing valuable, the two guys started to pick out notebooks to rip pages out from. They threw the pages behind them like it was no big deal, which to the school, it wasn't. There were a few rules against vandalism but they were never implemented because everyone was too scared to report these kind of things. It was sick.
One of the notebook pages landed beside my foot. I picked it up and opened it. It was a poem.
Liam slightly pulled at my wrist before I was able to read it. We walked outside in the cold autumn air to his Audi. We got in his car with me in the shotgun seat. Liam reared out of his parking spot and we left school. He dropped his bag at the back seat so I threw mine with his.
I was about to say something when his phone rang. He answered and engaged himself into a deep conversation about something I didn't know with someone I didn't know. A minute passed and he was still focused on his call.
I sank back in my seat and let a sigh escape me. I remembered the poem and decided to retrieve it from my pocket. Whoever wrote it was a guy, I saw it in his nearly illegible penmanship. The poem was untitled and free form which means it was as raw as it possibly could. I read on.
In the many years of my life--I have come to one conclusion--About our heaven and hell;--It is all just an illusion.--Heaven, they say,--Is a place filled with perfect things--But who are we to say what is perfect --When we ourselves are imperfect beings.
Hell, oh hell is not a place--There is no one location--Where all the evil things are placed--There is always something positive--Wherever you may go.
But you say you're in hell still--Not because of your position--But because of what you feel--When you can't take it anymore--And your cries shake the floor--Or when you're consumed up inside--By the demons that within you lie.
And that's when you realize--That hell isn't a place--Hell is a feeling--And that you're in hell right now--And you can't find your way out - h.s.
"What's that?" Liam asked peering over my shoulder. "Nothing. Just a piece of paper." I tried to shrug it off. He just nodded. A tension grew between us. He absolutely hated it when I kept things from him and I hated his habit.
Thank god the Havoc was just a short car ride away, it spared us a long awkward car ride. When we got there, his arms found its way back to my waist, which signaled our silent truce.
"Sorry. If you don't want to show me that, it's okay." He apologized and I gave him a quick sideways hug.
When we got inside we were met with hipsters up and down the aisles looking for poems to read to their lovers and vinyls to play in the cold winter nights and beanies, beanies and boots everywhere.
On the far back of the store was one of my best friends, Joshua. He gestured for me to come over to him and so I did. "Hey, Joshie!" I ruffled up his purple hair and he scowled at me. Liam laughed at his reaction. "Can I have a word with you? Alone?" he glared at Liam. "I'll be at the café. Mocha for you?" I nodded and he went on his way.
"I don't get it, why do you still stick with the guy? I thought you had nothing serious going on but when you two came inside you looked like a damn Tumblr couple." He said with that usual tone of annoyance in his voice. "Hey, I'm not leading him on. We're close that's all." I said matter of factly. "Whatever you say. But the moment you get jealous of his future girlfriend that won't be you, don't come running to me." He replied, mocking my tone. I rolled my eyes at him.
"What is it you want to talk about anyways?" I asked him. "Remember that purple filler you left in one of the shelves like five months ago?" He asked and I nodded. I wrote that filler out just out of boredom. Who knows what I was thinking? I just thought it would be fun to meet someone inside a notebook.
"The one you filled in with that poem by Poe?" I nodded again. "The one an old guy replied to?" Jesus, I remember that guy. Good thing he wrote in pencil.
"The one you told me not to give back to you unless I approved whoever it was myself?" I nodded once more not knowing where it was going.
"The one I told you nobody proper was ever going to reply to? Because its sort of gives the vibe that you're a creepy horny girl?" He asked again. I nodded for the nth time.
"Well, here you go." He brought out the small purple filler and my eyes widened. Someone actually replied. "Who, how, what?" I was buzzing with questions about the person who replied. Joshua gave me a 411 about the person.
"He's a guy. Brown hair. Green eyes. Beautiful and blindingly white teeth. He comes here a lot but usually just gets a latte and leaves. He has never even said a word to me or anyone here other than the barista that fancies him upstairs. Word is, he rejected her." He informs me. I smirked at the thought of the barista with the blindingly pink lips and the obnoxious voice I was never able to grasp. "He bought that Fairy book that you put in the notebook. Seemed like he thought the poem was good." My heart pounds a little faster. "Oh, and he looks goddamn beautiful." Did I forget to mention Joshua's gay? "Like, damn. If you don't call him, I will." He said.
"Did you read what he wrote?" I asked getting more curious than ever. "Yup." He replied. "And?" He moved closer and nearly whispered. "He's like poetically sad. Like the beautiful kind of sad. The kind of sad that's not looking for attention. Humble sad, almost. " He informed me and now I knew I found the guy I needed for this adventure. "Thanks, Joshua." I snatched the filler of the counter and decided to read it before going to the café.
Fear comes in ways we can never comprehend. We don't know for certain what's dangerous and fearful and depressing to us until we see the affects of whatever may be threating first hand. And with that comes two kinds of people: those who face those dangers and fears head on and suffer for awhile but come out victorious and those who Mr. Poe has described as star-light. Those who are put out by these fears. Those who break under these fears. Those who are not strong or brave enough to take the mysterious dangers of the world. And unfortunately, the brightest and nicest people, the ones that shine out even if they don't want to, they're the ones who get burnt out by these dangers and fears. And those who have been put out must be replaced by the ever-changing evolution of humans. Which is why everyday, there are only a handful of people we reminiscence. From Alexander the Great to President Roosevelt to the Queen, these are the people who lead the world to victory from, most ironically, our own destruction. And that's when we understand, that only a handful of us, the best, the bravest and the boldest are those worth acknowledging because even if we shed tears of sadness and anger and doubt and guilt and hurt, we, those Poe has described as the star-lights, will never overcome the fact that we, including myself, will never be able to make the world a better place, because we are just part of another temporary change to our temporary consciousness known as life. Because, as I quote the ever fictional yet amazing Hazel Grace Lancaster, oblivion is inevitable.
PS I'm a guy, in case gender anonymity bothered you too.
It was exactly as Joshua described it. Poetically sad. This boy was sad in a way that deserved to be notice because he was depressed over the fact of consciousness itself and the ever-changing elements of it.
This boy deserved to be happy. And I knew, right away, I was going to make him get what he deserved.
Liam was waiting for me at one of the tables on the balcony with a mocha for me. "Hey." I greeted him again. "What was that about?" he asked me, curiosity lingering in his voice. I thought about whether or not I should tell him. It wasn't like he was my boyfriend so I decided against it. "Nothing. He was just asking when I was going to settle my tab here. I have like an extra twenty quid from last month so I'm good." I told him and he nodded.
I took a seat across from him and he passed me the mocha and I thanked him. "So, what happened today, Elle?" he inquired politely. I groaned in remembrance. "So. Much. Homework." I buried my face in my hands and he laughed at me.
"Wow, seems like we need to get some payback on a few teachers." He smirked in a sick way like a villain would and I chuckled at his amazing acting. "Oh, yes, Payne. Yes." I took a sip from my mocha. "Blah, uni sucks but hey, if it's going to get me through life, fuck it." He told me. "Amen, I say to you." We both raised our cups and made a toss. "To the terrible world known as school. Without you, we'd fail. With you, we fail as well." He announced. Our paper cups bumped each other. "Salude!" I concluded.
"So, I heard this girl, Jessica Walker, likes the Payne." I told him with a sly grin on my face. He smirked at me. "Oh, dear Jessica. Does she not know that I am not interested? Why go for her when I have you as an ogre wife? We're going to live in a swap when we graduate!" I slapped him playfully on the arm. "Ow! Just because you're an ogre..."
"Hey, I'm serious. This girl fancies you. Like I'd see why." I reassured him looking at him up and down. "Ha ha ha. No thanks. She dated Niall Horan so no thanks." My nose flared up at the mention of his name. "Oh, well. In that case, when's our ogre wedding?" I asked with mock romance. "Any day, love. Any day." He winked at me and I winked back. Do you now see why we're best friends? Yes? Great.
I all of a sudden remembered the boy inside the notebook. How was I going to make him happy? What kind of task was I taking on? What consequences will this put on the people I love? What would Liam think? What would Joshua think? What would anybody think?
Why did I care so much? He was just a guy inside a notebook.
But that's the thing exactly. He was just a guy inside a notebook. A guy so affected by the world he was able to make a poem about the sky a poem about the oblivion of life.
He was living inside a notebook to me and I wanted to unravel the pages of his life and see how the gods above wrote him.
p.s. due to the lack of font faces in the movellas writing interface, Elle's part is written like this and Harry's part is written like this, okay?