I've been in the hospital for about a week now. Ugh I hate it here. They make me eat, and I can't even purge or exercise it off. Deni has bee with me almost every day. Liam and Zayn also come quite a bit. I actually want to be good friends with them. They don't treat me like I'm some loon. They act as if everything is normal and for now, that's what I need.
Niall and Louis have also been stopping by, just not as frequently. I mean they both have girlfriends to spend time with. Also Deni told me Harry has been here everyday. I don't know why that makes me happy, but it also makes me want to die. I can't be around him without thinking of my darkest moments ever. That actually scares me.
I've been pretending to get some sleep, even during the night, but I just can't seem to manage. So I guess it's time for me to wake up now. "Hey Deni" I croak as I haven't spoken for hours. "Oh hey Keaton! How are you?" She knows. Oh well I guess it was polite. "I feel like shit. I must have gained masses and I, ugh." She gives me a sympathetic smile and starts to say something before looking up and sitting still. "Keaton....would you mind talking to Harry? Please. I know you don't want to what so ever but it may even be good for you." I think it over for a moment but give her a small nod. Wait Jesus Christ why did I say yes? Oh god. Oh god I don't know what to do. Oh god.
My heart is beating faster with every second and when he comes in I go rigid. "Hi Keaton." He says. His voice raspy from lack of sleep. Hm? "Hello." I say monotone. "Look I know you don't want to speak to me and you didn't want me to ever come into your life again...and well I know why now because I see what I've made you do-" he made me do? He sees it as his fault. What? Well that's surprising. "And i want to apologize for everything. For yelling at you years ago. For not being understanding. For not chasing after you. For leaving and not coming back to you. For all those years. And mostly for last week. I've caused you so much pain and I know how hard it has been for you. And it truly hurts me to see you hurt. If I had known that I caused you so much pain I would've come home. I would've been on my knees begging for your forgiveness. Keaton. I miss you. And I understand if you can't stand the sight of me but please. Would you give me a chance? I want to be there for you. Just let me. I'm not asking for a relationship because I know you don't want one, and especially not from me, but I want you to know I won't leave you. Not again. Please Keaton? Please." I'm in tears by the time he finishes and they're just pouring down my face as a state at him blankly. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck right now. I can't move and I can't blink and I can't do anything. He looks at me patiently. I think he knows I will need a few moments to answer and I gladly use them.
About ten minutes after his speech I have composed myself enough to answer. I still don't know what to say. Should I let him try to be my friend? Would it be good for me? Truthfully I've missed him. So so, much. But would it be good for me to be around him? I don't know, but it's worth a try. "Harry...um well your not good for me. You will make me want to hurt myself and maybe even others. But at this point my life is already shit and I can't see how it can get worse, so sure. Be my friend. I'll see how it goes. But please promise me. If I need you to leave me. You will?" He nods and smiles the cheekiest smile I have ever seen. Man I miss that.
Well. Harry styles is in my life. Again. I guess we're starting fresh.