I walk home alone, my heels gathered in one hand as I walked barefoot down the middle of the road. No cars passed by or beeped their horns at me, telling me to get out of the road before I get hit or something. The night was quiet, the only sounds being made were the crickets. That and water splashing as I walked through small rain puddles from the last shower that came through.
I can feel my hair, matted to my head from spilt beer and mud. I didn’t have to look to know that my brand new dress was ripped up the side, almost all the way to my hip. Mascara and eye liner feels sticky and stiff as it dried on my cheeks, stopping just short of my chin. My lips were chapped and the bottom was busted, the tender skin stinging as I touched it with the tip of my tongue.
My skin itched with dirt and grime, mud smeared on my arms, legs and probably in spots on my face. My legs hurt but not as bad as the area between them. I probably had a red substance smeared around my thighs but I’m to numb to even think about calling for help. Just like earlier. I was to numb to scream. To shocked to call for help.
I shake my head, trying to get the dark images out of my head. I don’t need reminders of it, I don’t want to think about it. It’s to fresh, to recent to look back. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have been there. I shouldn’t have drank so much. I should have just stayed home, like I had wanted to. My friends, Rebecca and Jane, came to mind. I probably need to tell them that I left. I shrug it off. They will figure it out sooner or later. They are probably to waisted to pay attention to me anyway. That has been proven.
I wish it would rain right now. I wish it would just pour down, soaking everything. I wouldn’t even mind the boom thunder and the loud crackle of lightening. I would welcome these things if it rained. I want it to soak through my nasty clothes. To wash the mud, filth and nastiness off of me, at least enough to make me feel a little cleaner. To get the smell of him off of me.
I rounded the sharp curb, managing to step out of the way fast enough to escape a speeding car as the driver pressed on the horn for an ridiculous amount of time as they flew by me. My heart raced in my chest but I didn’t move any faster as I continued my way home. Hopefully my parents are asleep and won’t notice me. If the lights are on when I get home, I would have to make different plans. Maybe I could walk to Melody’s. The only one of my friends to have guts to say no to a party and not cave it when begged. I need to take lessons from her. I should have just stayed with her. I would have never gotten into this mess if I would have just held my ground. Said no.
Yeah, like that’s worked so far.
My mind hissed at me. I shut my brain out, numbly walking around to corner to spot my house. The lights were out, announcing that it was safe to go in without questions being thrown at me. Mom has to arrange some fashion show and dad has an early meeting with a client tomorrow, so they both went to bed early. I walk around back, finding the clothes line still hanging towels.
I stripped down naked and snagged a dark colored towel, wrapping it tightly around my body. I gather my clothes up and take another towel, making it to the back door unseen so far. I move the doormat over, revealing the extra key to the house. Silly, but useful.
The door was unlocked quickly and I slipped through a small crack, silently shutting and re-locking the door. I tip toe up the stairs and to the right, my room being far away from my parents. I could hear my dad snoring, assuring me that they were out cold. Instead of going straight to my room, I lock myself behind the bathroom door, standing in the dark for a few minutes, preparing myself for the reflection. I clicked on the light and took a sharp breath.
My light brown hair was matted and nasty looking. Knots and tangles were made obvious, my hair balling up and frizzing. Black streaks ran form puffy red eyes, my bottom lip swollen. I had been right about the dirt. Dark smudges dotted my face, a shockingly noticeable hand print smeared onto my shoulder and down my arm. I dropped the towel and turned away from the mirror, not wanting to inspect my body any further until I was clean. I turned on the hot water and mixed it in with the cold water before pulling the little ball that turned it into a shower.
I waited a few minutes before stepping in, letting the hot water wash over me and rinse the impurities away. My chest heart from my heart beating so hard and fast as my knees began to tremble. I felt the sob in my chest that I had been putting off make its way up, making me drop to my knees in the shower, rocking back and forth as I cried. I was raped.