It’s scary really.
How much the past can affect the present.
And that’s when you start to question it - What’s the point of trying for the future when really life is simply a continuous cycle of new life, laughter, grief and then death? Causing other people pain once you’re gone; leaving people in tears. Why develop such an attachment to people when really everyone is going to leave you in the end? And if they don’t, you’re the one leaving them, and sometimes it’s not your choice. That’s the thing about life. You are forced to live through it, because if you don’t your merely destructing the lives of those who grew to care about you.
And that my friend is my biggest fear. The terror of losing those you love. You know it’s coming - you know it will happen sooner or later, and yet you never cease to grow some form of a bond between the two of you, although it has a definite expiration date.
This day exactly four years ago, I had lost my protector, my guardian and most of all, my mother. Dad had given me the option whether to go to school or stay home, but last time I stayed home I had received seventeen missed calls and twenty-eight new messages all because I had turned my phone off for a couple hours, all worried that I had done something drastic. So I had decided to save everyone the concern, and actually proceed to the second hell, that went by the name of school.
I quickly sent Miles a text telling him not to worry about driving me to school since I’ll be walking and before I could receive a message of protest, I had stridden out of the house; earphones in ears and music loud enough that it would zone the rest of this chaotic world out.
Four songs later, I had arrived at school and suddenly I had wished that I was under my covers at home. All my friends were tip-toeing around me with such apprehension; as if they were afraid I could break down at any word. All except Cass.
“Wow, people are really avoiding you today aye?” She chirped up from next to me walking by me towards my locker.
“Yeah, it’s absolutely great.” Sarcasm dripped from my words and she had only shot me a smile. Cass was one of the first people to actually hear about the incident and rushed to my house to hold me in her arms while I mourned. She knows that today, not only will I be really harsh but is also aware that I hate the way people treat me, as if I’m a shattered piece of glass that had to be held with precaution.
“How are you doing?” she questioned, her features softening.
“I’m okay, I guess.” She knew not to push it any further and gave me a warm smile before hugging me tightly and heading off to homeroom. I took in one deep breath and continued the daily process of school; Homeroom, period one, period two and the thing I dreaded most today, recess. Walking into recess, you can say I didn’t have the biggest appetite. I placed myself by Cass and without surprise Miles sat on my other side.
“Hey princess?” I looked towards him with arched eyebrows.
“Next time when you tell me that I’m not driving you to school, tell me a little earlier so I have time to argue with you.” A small smile broke out on my face and I folded my arms on the table, resting my head on them, the chatter of the group echoing around my mind as I could feel myself zoning out of this cruel world and into my own solemn one.
“Princess,” I was shaken out of my world by Miles,
“C’mon, the bell rung fifteen minutes ago.” I thanked him and grabbed my stuff before making my way towards period 3. I bid Miles farewell as he approached his classroom and I continued walking towards mine, but of course this day could only get better. Note the Sarcasm.
Colton jogged up to me and I could hear him calling out my name but I hoped that maybe if I continued walking, he’d get the hint that I didn’t want to associate myself with him. But of course the oblivious asshole didn’t get the clues.
“Tiffany!” He called out once more and my short temper got the best of me when I swung around and almost hit him in the face,
“What?!” I shouted in outrage that this pest wouldn’t leave me alone.
“I just wanted to talk.”
“About what Colton? When I left the school of Saint Prime I had expected to have a fresh start here, and that was going so damn well until you decided to show up!” I may have been a little dramatic but he knew exactly why I had left and I didn’t understand why he still wanted to have anything to do with me!
He looked a little taken a back but he held his ground and his jaw tensed. “You really are the same old bitch from when I left, aren’t you? You can’t let go of the past can you?” he snarled.
“If the past involves the death of my mother then no I can’t ‘let it go’.” I motioned the air quotations with my hands and glared at him.
“Jesus Elsa, you’re so freaking stubborn!” I looked at him in confusion until it finally hit me that it was a frozen reference,
“Wow, seriously you’re so hilarious.” I rolled my eyes at his idiocy.
“Just trying to lighten up the mood. I would tell you a joke about my dick but it’s too long.” He smirked,
“I’d tell you a joke about my ass but you’d never get it. Now Colton, go screw yourself with a cactus for all I care, just don’t associate yourself with me again.” With that I walked around the corner, but not before flipping him off.
As I stood there, I slowed my breathing and felt myself crash against the lockers, sliding down them and letting the tears that had threatened to spill throughout the day finally fall freely. I picked myself up and sprinted towards the school gates before anyone could see me like this, especially Colton. I ran as fast as I possibly could and found myself in front of the cemetery gates.
I slowly walked past the tombs and kneeled down in front of the one I wanted.
7th of August
Loved Wife and Loving Mother.
The words were neatly carved into the stone and the weekly flowers I brought were slowly dying.
‘Breaking news: Earlier today a middle aged woman was hit on an EMPTY road by a moving car driven by a man that seemed to have alcohol within his system. There were only a couple pedestrians on the road but one of witnesses stated that the hit itself seems intentional! Hayley Pierce is a mother of…’
I remember hearing the reporter’s words on the TV as I was flicking through the channels.
Another tear rolled down my face and I laid down watching as the sun shone a minimal amount of light, on the darkness that sheltered the somberness of the graveyard. I was so engulfed in my own world that I hadn’t even realized that Miles had laid down beside me.
I felt my phone vibrate next to me and I opened it to see it was a text from Miles.
Drool worthy hottie: How you holding up princess?
It was as if he was afraid that if he spoke it would awake the deafening silence of the dead. I typed back a quick reply,
Tiffany: I’m okay I guess. How’d you find me?
The phone that lay next to Miles vibrated and he picked it up, typing once he read my message.
Drool worthy hottie: Cass told me I might find you here. Why are you isolating yourself from everyone?
Tiffany: Oh. Because isolation means you don’t have to explain your feelings to anyone. No one can see your vulnerability when you’re in pain and no one can look at you with pity.
“But isolation also means no one to hold you when you cry, or care about you when you’re down. Isolation means no one to support or comfort you.” Miles replied in almost a whisper.
“Sometimes, being down brings down those around you, and when your alone you aren’t placing your problems on anyone.” I replied setting the phone down next to me. Miles intertwined his fingers with mine, and rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand. My heart raced and I could feel the butterflies erupting within my stomach, but I kept my composure.
“You see Princess, that’s what we’re here for. Being your friend means that we are willing to share the weight and your problems. We are here to go through them with you, just don’t push us away.” I turned my head so I was facing Miles and gave him a smile,
“Thank you.” I whispered, and he gave my hand a light squeeze in response.
This is why we are forced to live. This is why we grow bonds and attachments because if we didn’t, then it isn’t a life worth living.
HELLO : ) well we have reached chapter 10! Yay!
A very big thank you to those who are still reading, voting and commenting.
Please vote and comment because I really do want to hear my reader’s thoughts on SSDIY.
This was a bit of a sentimental chapter but I have like big news but it’s too soon in the book to actually reveal it. So don’t worry there is big surprises coming!
On another hand, on a scale of 1-10 how annoyed would you be if I changed the name of the book or the cover.
Thanks once again!
P.S This isn’t edited yet, I’ll be going back and editing the whole book once I finish it.
Till next time my lovelies : ) x